Girls play outside less than boys even at two years old

[WarriorN]

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2024/oct/18/girls-play-outside-less-than-boys-even-at-two-years-old-uk-survey-reveals?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

I find this really sad.

Could it be linked to internalised parental sexism attitudes?

I do remember going to toddler singing groups with my two and being quite surprised it was mostly girls.

And I also remember one day where most of the girls were very scared of Dinosaurs, which happened to be the theme. (I bloody loved dinosaurs from an early age.)

There are real advantages to humans being outside though so it's not about valuing something that's perceived as a male trait.

There's no reason that typically girls games can't take place outside. You can make fantastic dens & "play house" in the woods just as easily as at home.

I suspect that because uk humans spend so little time outside this exaggerates the difference between the sexes.

We should be encouraging our children to do both.

I said upthread something about our evolutionary past and as the years have gone by I have definitely shifted what I believe about differences between the sexes: I increasingly think that a lot of it is genetic (I was desperate to stay at home with my babies; DH didn't enjoy paternity leave...). That said, there is a bell curve of behaviour and a huge degree of overlap, and it drives me nuts to see young children forced into narrow parameters based on whether they are boys or girls.

Sending 6 year old girls to school in shoes they can't run in gives the girls a very clear message: appearance matters more than physical capacity or the freedom to make a choice, and the boys don't have to worry about this.

No wonder some of them at 10 are obsessed by hair, nails and sparkles. They've been told since infancy that this is what matters when you haven't got a willy, not racing around the playground making lots of noise and keeping fit.

Yes, it's okay to be interested in how your hair looks, and to do indoor activities that hone your fine motor skills, but to not be able to run around the playground is just bloody shocking when you stop and think about it.

Clothes are a huge barrier - and have got so much worse. When I was growing up I lived in trousers - dresses for rare special occasions only. Now little girls are dressed like party princesses from day one by mothers obsessed with the “cute outfits” 🙄 and they are completely impractical for playing. Gender stereotypes are so much worse than they used to towards the end of the last century - so sad.

Lost count of the amount of times people in my life have told me to exercise my boys. I just don’t think parents of girls are getting the same messaging.

My DD has a soft play party this morning. Tried to encourage her to wear something comfy like leggings/joggers but no, she wants to wear her Elsa dress 🙄

Im now paranoid that the other parents will think I'm one of 'those mums that only care about cute outfits!

I have a 6yo girl and a 3yo boy. I can't really identify anything different about their play etc that I could put down to some innate sex difference. It is true that my boy spends a lot of time playing with copious amounts of toy vehicles that my girl didn't. I am sure that is because people have bought him copious amounts of toy vehicles to play with, and they didn't for my girl! Otherwise he likes the same books, similar/same role play games, TV shows, crafts, activities and so on as she did/does. In fact he's actually less physically active and developed than my girl was but that's due to some health limitations he has sadly.

I'm not sure little girls particularly think "I'm wearing a dress so I can't run and jump around". That's more likely to be a parental attitude I think. "I don't like taking DD outside because she gets her dress dirty / keeps flashing her knickers."

In discussions about trousers simply being more practical for moving about, I find it helpful to remember that men have preferentially worn skirts, tunics and robes for most of human history. Trousers have really only caught on as society has become sedentary!

Put leggings and tshirt underneath. She can then remove the dress if she feels like it.

Why would a parent do that?

Outdoor creative play is key and so good for everyone. I was raised with outdoor play being the norm for all children.

My sons the same but I definitely see some parents limiting outdoor time. And I will be brutally honest in some cases it is due to conditioning. The same parents are given out because the children are on screens.

Every child I have hosted over the last 17 years has loved being out, let play, build dens, climb, explore etc. I find it so sad to see children not taught to play outside.

I would like to dig a bit into this change and it's possible link in MH issues. I know it won't be the main cause, but as adults we know there is a correlation between outdoor in nature time and MH improvement.

Yes, quite. It’s more the narrative around 'you can’t spoil your lovely dress! Don't get it dirty/torn/stained!' etc that too many girls get. Fine if it's a comfy dress they can run around in and there’s no expectation that it must remain pristine at all times.

(In the RL example I gave earlier, so much drama ensued around the barbed-wire-ripped dress that it cast a pall over the entire visit, which imho was supposed to be all about fun and having a nice time. Thereby reinforcing the narrative that the 'guilty' one hadn't been 'a good girl'; had disappointed her parents by behaving wrongly, etc etc. So sad and horrible to see. In the end I had to put an end to the hand-wringing somehow so suggested buying a decorative patch and sewing it over the repair. Which we did - I even did the sewing, in fact, as ironically I'm the one with all the girly sewing skillz - and this simple solution, which could have been arrived at with zero recriminations other than a bit of resigned eye-rolling, finally put it all to bed. But it spoiled things.)

I think all children like spending time outside and we’re seeing the societal effects of this stopping in the late 80s. They might not all want to be run ragged though. My most active child was my eldest dd. She mainly lived in leggings but even at parties in dresses, tights being like leggings, she would be very active. My other dd was the most into dresses and only wears men’s clothing (as in bought from the men’s section) now she’s an adult. I think we need to be really careful about suggesting innate and hardwired differences.

My DD has a soft play party this morning. Tried to encourage her to wear something comfy like leggings/joggers but no, she wants to wear her Elsa dress

If my son was a girl (or if he liked Disney princesses) this is exactly what he'd do, he's always the kid that has to go to parties in the polyester marvel skin tight costume that leaves him dripping in sweat 🙈

Well shouldn't girls be leanring indoors how to have a child and be a SAHM and caring for partner waiting for them to propose so they do the housework and child raising so they can come on here and complain how hard done by the are?

We are told on here all the time all women should have children and not work

Of course, it is possible to stay home with the children in the early years and spend a lot of that time outdoors. We used to live in Aberdeenshire, then in Gloucestershire when my children were small. I took out a National Trust membership and we spent lots of time at National Trust properties which usually include really good outdoor playgrounds, zip wires and so on.

And if you are fortunate enough to have a garden, then most children like nothing more than digging, grubbing around with leaves and stones; playing in paddling pools in the summer, and so on.

We've done the same with our granddaughter who we have had a lot of input into since she was born. We're always in parks, in the woods, on the beach.....and in really bad weather at climbing walls and indoor play centres. Bicycles, scooters........

The full-on princess/butterfly/fairy thing is relatively recent - there was a time in living memory when you could look at the children in a school playground and not be able to tell at first glance whether they were boys or girls - tracksuits, Kicker boots, collar-length hair were the norm.

You could also look at a group of teenagers and not be sure at first glance whether they were boys or girls - same baggy trousers, same shirts with incredibly long collars, same scoop-necked jumpers with a big star on the front, same platform shoes, same mullet hairstyle...
It's history, but it's fairly recent history.

While there has always been a bit of sugar-and-spice/rats-and-snails thing going on, the wall-to-wall princess/butterfly/fairy schtick can be seen as part of the backlash against feminist criticism of the gender stereotyping of children in the 80s ad 90s - yep, gender critical feminists aren't a new invention either

I was going to make this exact point. There is so much evidence to show that being outdoors is healthy. I don't think it's about girls' play versus boys' play, exercise or anything else. It's about being in the open air.

I completely agree with you. It's my firm belief that lack of free play, in particular outdoors is having a huge impact on the mental health of children and teens.

I absolutely agree with all the points about clothes and shoes. Young girls increasingly wear sturdy school shoes and in secondary the girls nearly all wear unisex black trainers.

My dd was always happiest outside as a pre-schooler, although she was also very happy reading and colouring (unlike her db). I avoided pink and girly things deliberately but by age 7 that’s all she wanted: because it meant she was like the other girls. But she carried on being outdoorsy and now she loves kayaking, climbing, her martial arts and her DofE practice hikes. She is also at an all girls school, where there is no gender bias towards certain subjects or activities. I am SO glad we chose single-sex education.

Ultimately if you persevere, many girls will pass through the stereotypical traps that our society sets for them. But that’s doesn’t mean they are the same as boys.

We have to recognise that girls do typically develop differently than boys.

My younger son inherited all his sisters toys. Age 6 he still falls alseep cuddling his grubby pink baby doll. But true to stereotype he does have much better gross motor skills than his ds at a similar age. He is bigger and stronger and more muscular than his sister at the same age. He prefers to learn from experience not from books. Of course it’s not surprising we take ds out to do physical activities - because he finds them easy and he wants to do more. It’s really fun discovering you can climb a tree; it’s a bit rubbish when your arms are too puny to pull yourself up.

I hear this a lot.

My daughter is always in dresses. She's the best climber at the park. She sometimes wears them with cycle shorts so she can be upside down and not show her knickers.

I feel really uncomfortable in trousers, they never fit right. DD has no waist yet so if she wears trousers they constantly slip down and give her a builder's bum. It's very irritating for her to spend the whole day pulling up trousers. I did buy her a set of braces and she occasionally wears trousers with them but it's quite faffy for going to the loo.

She hasn't yet encountered any physical activity which isn't just as easy- or easier- in a dress. It was also much easier for potty training- one pair of knickers (and cycle shorts if you choose to add them) to deal with rather than fiddly buttons and zips.

There's a reason why at one point girls and boys wore dresses throughout the infant/toddler years.

@mollyfolk i am sure you are right. I force my dd to walk home from school every day (unless there’s a storm or she is poorly) because I think just being outside with your own thoughts or a friend to walk with is so important.

Admittedly nowadays she watches her phone while she walks so….

"It’s really fun discovering you can climb a tree; it’s a bit rubbish when your arms are too puny to pull yourself up."

kids grow so quickly they need to have the opportunity to use/build their muscles all the time otherwise their strength to weight ratio can get beyond them.

One of my sons it a great climber & he's really noticed (as he's having a teenage growth spurt) that he has to be sure to be using the pull up bar /hang boards constantly between climbing sessions otherwise he comes back saying he's got great extra reach but can't campus!

eta campus in climbing is using just your arms, no feet

DD has no waist yet so if she wears trousers they constantly slip down and give her a builder's bum. It's very irritating for her to spend the whole day pulling up trousers. I did buy her a set of braces and she occasionally wears trousers with them but it's quite faffy for going to the loo.

I'm not trying to persuade your DD into trousers and I agree that clothing shouldn't need to be constantly adjusted, but why not just a belt?

Perpetuated by the recent notions of "boy mum" and "girl mum". Such nonsense.

I say this in full knowledge of the fact that despite me being gender neutral clothes and toys my 3 year old is now obsessed with pink, dresses, Disney princesses and ballet. Can't win them all 🤣

You don't say if your 3yo is a DD or a DS
Unless a child is brought up on a desert island, they can't be protected from all the social influences around them, regardless of what the parents do.
In the first 3 years, a child will have picked up a lot of gender stereotyping from the media, friends, clothes and toy shops...

Of course there'll always be little girls who just like pink and are princess-y, and there'll always be boys who are little whirlwinds of activity, but it's likely that the majority of children have a mixture of preferences and interests that unfortunately get funnelled - by society, not necessarily by parents - into ideas of 'what a boy should be like' and 'what a girl should be like'.