Sexual strangulation has become popular – but that doesn’t mean it’s wanted

[IwantToRetire]

Sexual choking is a more informal label for strangulation. It involves the grabbing, holding or compression of another’s neck either by hands, or limb, or by use of a prop or weapon, and typically involves restriction of blood or air flow. When it is used as part of a sexual encounter, it is frequently referred to as “erotic asphyxiation” or “breath play”.

In a 2016 survey of Americans aged 18-60 years, 21.4% of women who had sex with men had been choked. And one in five men admitted to choking a partner (male or female) during sex.

An Australian study from this year found that more than half of 18- to 35-year-olds reported they had been strangled during sex at least once. A similar proportion admitting to strangling a partner at least once. Though strangling is common among both men and women, evidence shows that women are more likely to be strangled and men more likely to do the strangling.

People give various reasons for engaging in sexual strangling, including wanting to be kinky or adventurous, believing it would please their partner, and feelings of power and dominance. But campaigners point out that the often gendered nature of strangulation can feed into wider patterns of coercion and control of women by men.

Although sexual choking appears to be increasingly common, it is not necessarily wanted by those engaging in or receiving it. A significant proportion of women, in particular, do not consent to being choked, even if the rest of the encounter is consensual.

A survey for the BBC in 2019 found that in a study of 2,000 young women aged 18–39, 38% had experienced unwanted slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during otherwise consensual sex. And a similar proportion of men admit to choking or strangling a partner during sex without their consent.

Part of a much longer article at https://theconversation.com/sexual-strangulation-has-become-popular-but-that-doesnt-mean-its-wanted-239235

The Institute for Addressing Strangulation (IFAS) was established in October 2022, following the introduction of new legislation on strangulation and suffocation as a stand-alone offence.
https://ifas.org.uk/about-us/

The has all come about because of the men who are heads of porn studios demand it in their films.

This is a trend that can be directly linked back to porn.

The porn epidemic 100%.

Is there any research to show whether anyone being strangled in this way actually likes it? I find it impossible to believe that you wouldn’t feel quite unsafe but I’ve been told by some younger people that I’m just old fashioned and wrong about this.

It’s things like this that make the whole message about consent fall down. 1 the victims generally aren’t consenting, 2 if what you’re doing is wrong, it’s wrong, I don’t give a toss whether the other party has ‘consented’ to it, you shouldn’t be doing it. Morality in sexual intercourse has been sacrificed at the altar of removing shame and boundaries under the cover of consent.

This is so fucking grim.

There may be more information on the campaign groups web site.

I shouldn't be surprised (well actually really upset) but here is another aspect of this https://ifas.org.uk/dhr-reports-2024/

This is horrifying and not something which was remotely common a few years ago. It seems incredibly rare to hear of a man being choked by a woman during sex which certainly points towards something sinister.

Fuck, it’s shit isn’t it. I worry for my daughters.

I find it really disturbing tbh.

From the end of the Tory administration
https://www.gov.uk/government/news/tougher-sentences-for-rough-sex-killers

This is getting more and more depressing

Boys asking teachers how to choke girls during sex
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cnkkqyek17zo

@lalalaletmeexplain talks about this well on her insta.

It's because of porn yes, but equally why is it so popular in porn? Why do so many men get off on women being strangled?

We can't consent to this is another Instagram /organization that talks about this issues

I worry for my DDs they aren't old enough yet but in a few years...first time sex seemed a lot simpler in my day!
A friend slept with a guy for the first time recently, he tried strangling her - luckily he stopped when she said no but she didn't sleep with him again. Grim

We Can't Consent To This was a campaign started by Mumsnetters. It was instrumental in the lobbying which led to the law change.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3459232-We-Cant-Consent-to-This-all-the-sex-game-gone-wrong-defences

I had a lesbian couple who I was friends with in around early 2000s, and they talked to me about choking, I was/am pretty bland and vanilla (ie sex is perfect as it is for me, dont need any extra bells and whistles!) and I just could not understand why anyone would want to engage in this as I thought it was primarily men wanting to do it TO women.

Their account was basically that it is an incredible rush when you're close to coming and the air is reintroduced, it apparently enhances the orgasm.

Nevertheless, I do believe it is mostly porn addled men doing it to women.

I can't get past my apprehension that women who are strangled/suffocated are repeatedly exposed to a heightened risk of stroke and cognitive harm. There can even be repeated transient ischaemic attacks over time and the women wouldn't necessarily recognise what they are.

www.stroke.org/en/about-stroke/types-of-stroke/tia-transient-ischemic-attack

About 15 years ago a friend of mine had a brief fling with a guy who choked her, pulled her hair and spat in her face during sex. We were all horrified when she told us. Not a single person out of a dozen or so of our social circle had ever come across it ourselves or thought that it was ok. Universal advice was to dump him (which she did).

I find it terrifying that in so short a time this has gone from being a fucking enormous red flag to accepted and even expected behaviour.

I have two little girls and I am terrified about what might await them.

Why is liking misogynist sex cool but, presumably, liking a style of sex that denigrated any other protected characteristic would be frowned upon?

Society can just about agree to curb its love of things like real fur, ivory, cocaine, endangered bird eggs, very young puppies, because we understand the harm that consumption of these items perpetuates. Why the fuck is it different when the harm is being done to women?

I've been a "cool girl". I know what it's like for your desire to be so utterly entangled with self objectification through the male gaze that you'll try anything. But regardless of how free or not women really are, you'd think that while the news carries reports of women actually dying during rough sex that men and women could agree to give up that so-called kink.

Yes it really is a recent thing. I had a lot of fun pre current relationship, and whilst the porn influence was definitely there regarding some stuff it was in a different league to strangulation and violence. I mean, spitting, hair pulling and strangulation aren't actually sex in any way. It's just violent assault.

Danger aside, there's really nothing attractive about a man that needs too much weird stuff to get off. It's a bit the opposite of someone healthy and virile! Maybe I'm picky but I really expect better from men!

Articles like this, in the Guardian of course, dont really help either. A lot of it could be dangerous but all the anecdotes imply it is positive.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/sep/02/i-think-its-natural-why-has-sexual-choking-become-so-prevalent-among-young-people

What this article also make me think, is that it implies it isn't anything about enhancing, expanding a sexual experience.

Its all about the thrill, the idea that it is dangerous.

If that's what they want why dont they do sky diving or something.

And excusing it as being part of building trust!!!

What has been nearly choked to death go to do with building trust with someone, when what you really want to know is can they be trusted to treat you with equality, agree to and actually carry out some shared responsibilities.

This just seems so much part of a male way of looking at the world.

I think a lot of the young boys who partake in it are not doing out of hatred but because they've been indoctrinated to do it via the sheer proliferation of the act in porn. Porn has become an educational tool for the young now.

They're made to believe that women want to be strangled and unfortunately it seems that a lot of women now believe that they are "enlightened" to want it too.

It really has stemmed from these porn producers, who've put it in their films and it's a bit like the Pied Piper, got everyone to follow their tune.

Porn is not going anywhere, so a total porn ban isn't going to work but it would be nice if there was a campaign and a code of conduct to seeing this practice removed from porn. There's simply no need for it.

It's nasty and hate this "don't kink shame".

As a former young woman myself 😊, I can confirm that young women often try to come up with positive reasons for the sexist behaviours they experience in society, and from their male partners, because to think otherwise is too painful and jarring.

What I don't really understand is - do men think that women are really that different to them? Do they really think that something they themselves would OBVIOUSLY not enjoy (like being strangled) is a huge turn on for us?

That's really sad. Genuinely feel that
Not having had much to do with men let alone wanting to sexually please them, I feel I have had a lucky escape.

And maybe explains why I cant grasp what this has to do with gratifying sex. It just seems like another method of control, and convincing the person being controlled has chosen it.

But then only about an hour ago got fed a post by facebook about a conference on kink and fetish and how to spread understanding.

Aside from the misogynistic nature of it, it's an evil, dangerous and appallingly stupid practice. Loss of consciousness can occur within ten seconds. Brain damage and cardiac arrest can occur within 30 seconds. Brain death can result within four minutes.
Not that these pornsick men care. We are expendable objects to them.