The guardian - thinking we’re idiots as usual

[Theeyeballsinthesky]

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2024/sep/29/jan-morris-conundrum-memoir-transgender-son

if you just see the headline that the guardian have chosen to quote you’d think Jans son mark was and is an enthusiastic cheerleader but the reality is very much not the case

“One group, though, are still a hidden story: the children of trans parents. We are our own selves – I have used “my father” throughout this piece, called him “him” when he was to me a man, and “she” when a woman. For, whether trans advocates like it or not, Jan was my father. People still call Jan to my face “your mother”: to do so is to deny me my identity, and my actual mother her rightful place”

“For Jan was very successful in putting her own views in her writing in such a way that they were rarely questioned. Certainly that was true when painting a picture of the happy, loyal family, who supported her with their love all her life, and which so many writers about her seem to have swallowed so uncritically.
The reality was rather different. She was extraordinarily charming to friends and acquaintances, but she needed to be the constant centre of attention and, to a certain extent, admiration. Deeper empathy, deeper understanding, I never saw or experienced – she was, I think, incapable of truly understanding the feelings of others, and thus appeared to care little about those feelings”

But no the guardian chose to imply the complete opposite

I think it was Tinsel in the Transwidow threads put it very well about Elizabeth's obituary.

I’ve just read the article in the actual paper and I found it a little confusing, but it’s a confusing situation for JM’s children. Mark Morris obviously loves his father, who, equally obviously though perhaps not appreciated until recently, was a very difficult and selfish person. The situation reminds me of the Bloomsbury Group, who lived their lives exactly as they wished to do but whose behaviour had damaging consequences for the children, particularly Angelica Garnett, as Quentin Bell made clear.

I notice that Mark Morris is critical of the “extreme right wing government” in Alberta that is bringing in legislation to “ban the use of puberty blockers in gender situations”. I’m very much not right wing myself and it may well be advisable not to oppose the teaching of gender identity, sexual orientation etc in schools, but to support, as Mark Morris seems to do, providing puberty blockers to children doesn’t sit comfortably with his other comments about understanding the effects of these situations on children

Bad parenting doesn't always produce good children. And bad parenting doesn't always mean bad parents, I'm sure JM's father didn't want to have his health wrecked in WW1 so he was a chronic invalid who died before his son was in his teens. It's why developed societies should do all they can to protect and support children, and indeed the state of childhood.

The Guardian were very keen on Freddie McConnell's unsuccessful legal attempts to force her children and the state to pretend she was their father not their mother (rejected by the courts for multiple reasons, including that it went against the welfare and human rights of her children and other children of transpeople). I think Freddie wrote for the Guardian at one point.
https://childrenoftransitioners.org/2023/04/10/paperwork/

Cots are not offered counselling automatically- some don't even get a social worker. Things that used to trigger child protection - like a father arrested for voyeurism/ flashing in female only spaces (and doing the same to his daughter at home)- now won't necessarily even get reported. Once parents break up the kids, specially girls, are vulnerable if the dad gets access, and he usually does.

And if 16+ Cots try and access 'by women for women' help for female survivors they are increasingly excluded- as the Cots report wrote about in Bristol/ Somerset...
https://childrenoftransitioners.org/2024/04/13/the-trans-lobby-has-destroyed-provision-for-female-abuse-victims-in-bristol-and-elsewhere-and-will-do-the-same-for-the-victims-bill/

Posters above have rightly noted the conflict for Cots- you love your father, don't want to report him and have been told eg in the press/ schools that 'transwomen are women' and it is very difficult to acknowledge the harms he does - kids don't want to rock the boat, be accused of 'transphobia' or hurt him. There's huge pressure to pretend everything is ok, and further pressure to lie abusive men are women even from professionals who should tell the truth (police, CPS, courts)
https://childrenoftransitioners.org/2021/12/28/the-judges-bench-book/

This week yet another father of 2 children was found guilty of rape- and referred to as a 'woman' in court/ by the BBC. What message do you think this gives to his children (and do the public really think these abusive men are sweetness and light at home?)

The Cots founder also wrote about this conflict back in 2019!
childrenoftransitioners.org/2019/08/09/on-the-pressure-to-pretend-that-its-all-ok/

There was a story about Jan Morris that I think I may have posted on another thread after Morris died. Frustratingly, I can't find it now, but my vague recollection is that it featured in a Times diary column. The story was about a writer going to Morris's house for lunch, and at the end when he suggested clearing the dishes, Morris stopped him and said, "No, that's women's work."

By "women's work", Morris didn't mean that Morris would do it, but that Elizabeth would.

Would love it if someone else could track it down!

I think Freddie wrote for the Guardian at one point.

Yes Freddie was a regular guardian journalist and had a column about being "trans" IIRC. FMc has been identifying as a man for a relatively long time compared to many. I imagine this must have left an impression there.