An alarming rise in #TradWife and #PrincessTreatment aspirations?

[LongFacedRat]

I'm shocked in the number of young women who are promoting TradWife, Princess Treatment, Soft Life etc aspirations on social media.

To me it feels like the sister of Incel-ideology. A woman's sole aspiration is to find a "masucline" provider and take the "divine feminine" role of helper etc.

It comes in lots of different flavours of varying extremes. I think because I watched a few videos I keep being shown more and more, and the comments are really sad too.

Has anyone noticed this? Am I being OTT? It seems very pervasive, ranging from not wanting to pay for things when dating, to aspiring to be a stay at home wife who cooks from scratch and presents the husband's meal like a restaurant.

I can share some examples, but I also don't want to shame specific content creators. You can search the terms above in social media for examples (i think a bunch of "soft life" things are more on the jokey side).

When I was growing up I wanted to be a doctor and make enough money to support myself and help my parents. Now young women just aspire to marry a "provider" who "takes care of me". Obviously our mothers and grandmothers fought against this because of the vulnerability it brings. It's a shame to see women desperate to go back to the 1950s

Rubbish. You have your steak cooked how YOU like it, nor according to some fashionable view on how you SHOULD like it. I prefer fillet medium rare, but I am not a fan of blood all over my plate.

Yes! Exactly! Someone else has pointed out that most of us have jobs not careers, and work for the money, not for the love of it. To have a job that is a career that you love is the luck of a very small minority of people. Many women would be more fulfilled at home, maybe turning a hobby or interest into a career, or becoming involved in politics or working for voluntary organisations e.g. I no longer work outside the home (I work in it, writing, painting, gardening in my late DH's garden, and doing some contracted work, too) but volunteer with the local exhibition centre (LA run), as well as other activities which contribute to the community without me being (usually) paid (one activity I do does attract payment on occasions). When I worked at a job I neither liked, enjoyed, or felt I was good at I was much less content. And when I want to go away I can.

@LongFacedRat , I truly don’t see the issue. If that is what makes people happy then they should do it and we shouldn’t just dismiss a life choice out of hand without giving it proper consideration. Our grandmothers and other women fought for our right to have a choice.

In a world where women are considered to be public property, some women are choosing to be private property, is how I interpret it.

This.

It's a question of choice. A lot of women see the trad wife as the least worst option currently available. That doesn't make it a good option.

I suppose you could call me a trad wife. I do 100% of cooking, cleaning, childcare etc. In fact DH had never even changed a nappy. But that is the norm in my culture for 90% of women and I am happy.

I don't find it strange to aspire to this life, but the romanticising and almost fetishizing of it on social media is quite disturbing. Women getting up at 5 am to brush out their pin curls and do their makeup to loom nice for their husband, it's basically cosplay.

Before I had kids I had a 'career' (which was incompatible with children, really), then I got made redundant after maternity leave no 1 - oh I wonder why that was?!!

I then became a SAHM in a different more conservative country (with a small c, other policies were far more liberal around environment, public transport and taxation) as DH got offered an amazing job just when I'd been made redundant. Those were the best years of my life. Mothering was actually valued in that country, the wellbeing of children put first. DC1 and I used to travel, do wonderful things it was completely amazing.

Then I came back to the UK, by which point DH's career had progressed to the point I can never catch up financially, so I ended up doing a job I don't particularly love for its flexibility. I earn 38k half time - so take home half that - this means I can do all school drops and pick ups, all clubs, I manage the household entirely. DH jokes he makes the money and I spend it, but he's not at all interested in dental appointments / buying uniforms / organising clubs etc. The mental load of our household is entirely mine.

Do I regret this? Yes. Am I unfulfilled in my work? Most definitely and at times I find it soul destroying and hate it. However, on the flip side, I have two very well adjusted kids that I get/got to spend time with.

I've got several good degrees and very good qualifications, partly funded by the state, which I am now not using at all - it's a waste but I've tried several times for other opportunities - jobs very similar to that I left at my first mat leave and I don't know if it's age or the obvious fact I'm a mother but I don't even get interviews for jobs more junior to that I used to do, successfully.

I didn't get to choose this, as was made redundant but also I did love the time with my little ones. It was immensely rewarding. I know DH felt he missed out on certain things.

In the UK I don't think having it all is possible for women. In the country we lived in for several years, there is an expectation a parent will take time out until about age 7 so the returner programmes are a lot better. I wish we still lived there, not least because the unpaid work I did and still do is so much more highly valued. The reason we came back was really to do with elderly parents and also language related but I think we'd have overcome that with time.

I also know several women who have tried to stay in professional jobs whilst picking up the slack with the kids (not earning quite enough for a nanny) who are close to a nervous breakdown. I know two who became disabled IMO because they were doing this (obviously it's impossible to know for sure), so now they don't have the option anymore.

There's also a big difference to a woman's life depending on whether she has parents who can help out. DH's parents are in another country, and mine have always been unable / unwilling to help.

The most successful families I know have grandparents doing a lot of childcare. We don't all have that, and on a societal level women increasingly won't as people have to work for longer and longer.

i would agree with you .
for me i have a health issue that flares up and calms but is chronic . im offically signed off . But we have a fairly traditional relationship. i do most of the jobs when he is at work and did the child care .
far better than dealing with a work place who are angry i cant work over time in the school holidays or when im ill. And i enjoy the freedom i have , i can suit my day to how im feeling.
we have been together over 2 decades and i worked at the start , but we both decided i should stay at home when our child came along .
This was really important to me for a variery of issues.
Some people think i will be in a mess when it comes to pension or if he leaves .
what i would suggest is make sure your married , get child benefit even if your family earns over because you get the contributions .
I also insist on a monthly budget and there is no his and my account .Everything goes into one account .
I cant see it ,but if we split i wouldnt go for attachment to his earnings or pension.
The house and car are on paper mine ,however he knows if he tried to play dirty i would go for his pension and shares .
He knows this as iv told him .
But unless he goes off the rails i cant see that happening .
i would always advise to be married tho if you stay at home or have a career on hold

That was exactly my reaction! Go us, we're princesses! Yay!