Using preferred pronouns in primary school

[itispersonal]

We have just been told a child in our school who has been dressing 'of the opposite gender' is now wanted to change their name and use different pronouns.

Where do teaching staff stand on this... I'm tolerable to using their preferred name but not pronouns and won't be going along that they are of the opposite sex.

New draft consultation from the government looks to side with those who are GC (but it is non statutory) and said no one "should be compelled to use these preferred pronouns"

Agreeing to a child's request to have others use different pronouns about them is a significant decision. Primary school aged children should not have different pronouns to their sex-based pronouns used about them.
For older children, schools do not need to specify pronouns to be used about each pupil and can decline a request to change a child's pronouns. Where a school or college considers a child's request, they should consult the child's parents and consider all the relevant factors as outlined above. Having considered these factors and examined all the evidence, schools and colleges should only agree to a change of pronouns if they are confident that the benefit to the individual child outweighs the impact on the school community. It is expected that there will be very few occasions in which a school or college will be able to agree to a change of pronouns. On these rare occasions, no teacher or pupil should be compelled to use these preferred pronouns and it should not prevent teachers from referring to children collectively as 'girls' or 'boys, even in the presence of a child that has been allowed to change their pronouns. Even in the exceptional case where safeguarding requires a school or college to take an alternative approach, schools and colleges should exhaust all other options, such as using first names, to avoid requiring other individuals having to use preferred pronouns. In these exceptional cases, schools or colleges should make sure that all relevant staff are aware of a gender questioning child's biological sex, to fulfil their safeguarding and legal duties.

Could work take action for not using the preferred pronouns? If when interacting with the child they are still treated with respect. The county council has form for taking staff to court but can't find an update on the appeal.

@nothingcomestonothing I don't think I've suggested compelling anywhere. Do let me know if you spot where I have done this.

You're asking all of the children to buy into gender ideology. Desmond thinking of himself as a girl means what? He isn't one. Femaleness isn't an idea in a male's head, it's a biological reality. You're teaching the whole class that being a girl or boy is optional - it isn't. Schools must not teach beliefs as fact, the government has (finally) been quite clear about that.

@AllProperTeaIsTheft Is it your view that the phenomenon of social contagion should lead all parents to dread sending their children to school because they could socially 'catch' any number of behaviours or emotions that the parent deems to be undesirable? Or should there be a particular level of concern surrounding changing pronouns?

No, that is not my view. I think that influence by peers is something every parent worries about to a certain extent (and rightly so). What is more worrying, as I thought I made clear in my post, was the more recent situation where schools and teachers are colluding with this.

Changing pronouns appears to me to be more immediately reversible than, say, a short haircut, to use an an example from one of the links @Leafstamp shared.

That's very obviously not true at all. Hair growing back is inevitable. Retreating publicly from a change of identity which you've publicly announced, having asked all your peers and teachers to respect your important transition must be very very hard, even for an adult, never mind a vulnerable child/teen. Not only would it potentially be very humiliating and embarrassing, it could also alienate a friendship group who you'd been using your transition to fit in with. Supporting or encouraging a child's social transitioning is not a neutral or necessarily reversible act. It has consequences.

We have a big drive to talk about gender stereotypes and how your sex doesn't matter when it comes to all manner of things.

Then you have some adults come along and say, 'Naaaaa ignore all that. Here's gender identity. You MUST use these pronouns for your peer performing gender stereotypes. Oh and your personal boundaries and dignity when using the changing rooms and toilets don't matter'.

Yes it does kinda matter.

My son's school have a situation in the year above. When they did the sex and reproduction talk last year, he stayed with the girls. A few (including one from a Muslim family) were really upset about it. I don't believe anyone complained because they feel they can't complain. But privately it's certainly caused distress amongst the girls. Reminder - this is 9 and 10 year olds just starting periods. This kid plays with the girls and they like him generally but there are comments about how he also makes them feel uncomfortable at times and they don't feel like they can challenge his behaviour either. It's really awful.

@nothingcomestonothing

You're asking all of the children to buy into gender ideology.

No, that's an over-extrapolation from suggesting a request can be made for a child to have different pronouns used about them because of the way they are feeling. A child's feelings and opinions about themselves should be expressed in that manner, as feelings and opinions. I think I've been consistent throughout with that.

Come on, you know that a 'request' from a teacher is an expectation of compliance. And children know that too. Trusted adults telling children that whether you are a boy or a girl is a matter of choice, is not okay because it's not true.

What other 'requests' should teachers be making of their class, so one child's feelings about themselves can be validated? Does Sarah feel more comfortable if she's referred to as Queen Sarah? Does Nigel want us all to go along with his feeling that he's be more comfortable as a year 3, despite being year 6? I know you'll say those are silly examples, but they're no different than asking children to use wrong sex pronouns to make another person happy.

Possibly the one benefit of teachers becoming harder to recruit.

If enough teachers had the active support of unions to reject this completely, it would soon fail - how many schools would happily start suspending the few teachers they still have right left and centre, of more of this stuff blew up?

Now that Cass is here, teachers have ammunition to fight back on these ‘requests’.

I wondered when this would come up. Personally it's the toileting (for want of a better word) that I would consider the main "problem" here. There is NO way that a schoolgirl should have to accept boys (or I suppose I have to say "children with a p") entering "their" toilets or changing rooms. I know that, however accepting or "forgiving" I would have been at that age, I would not have been prepared to use a toilet with a boy standing outside the door or in the stall next door, and girls should not be expected to accept this.

I agree NPET but I'm worried that some activist teachers, and apparently whatever idiot wrote the CofE schools' guidance are very much pre-Cass and pro transition. There's room for an awful lot of harm to happen to vulnerable kids.

Yes and it's not just about how the girls feel about it at the time, it's also the message it sends about future occasions a girl might find a man or boy in her single sex space.

It is essentially teaching her that boys and men in single sex spaces is ok because they might have really special reasons to be there. It is teaching her that it is "kind" to care about the feelings of any boys or men she encounters in single sex spaces in the future. And lord knows the coercive pressure on girls to be kind is insidious and starts young.

Definitely. And at that age most of the children won't necessarily understand any "rights" and "wrongs". Some girls will behave as I would have done and be so embarrassed about boys being in "their" spaces that they'll try not to have to use them, whereas others may think that using toilets with boys listening or even peeping is "normal" (and its no good ppl saying "oh they wont be ALLOWED to", cos I know from my schooldays that if boys CAN do something, they WILL do it!).

It's teaching girls that they have no right to boundaries. That their privacy and safety matters nothing compared to the rights of a predator determined to access them when vulnerable.

And we know how predators are attracted to places where children gather like moths to a flame.

Well as far as I'm concerned, the boys would never have reasons to be there. One reason we can EXIST, literally, is by having spaces (like Ladies toilets) which we can retreat into if harassed. It's certainly happened to me (at school, at college, in shopping malls) and the LAST thing I would want to see in there is a person with a p.