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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Rambling on and unmumsnetty handhold

43 replies

NotNo · 31/05/2024 23:16

This is going to probably be a nonsensical and rambling post but I have nowhere else to share my grief and raging anger. I want to scream and shout.

But I can’t share with close friends and definitely can’t share online , if the media even sniffed a clue as what it’s about, it would make national news.

So please bare with me. Obviously I’ve changed my username but you can check with mumnset, and they could confirm I’ve been a regular poster on here for 20 years.

So here goes, I’m not using pronouns as don’t want to give any clue as to their sex. Anyway my best friend from primary school has had the most shocking news about her young teenage child “Tiger”.

My friend is a “normal” middle class mum and Tiger was a happy-go-lucky and slightly quirky kid.

My friend only told me recently that Tiger was trans, if I’d have known sooner I could have supported my friend by signposting to here or to other helpful websites, charities, books and YouTube videos.

But I didn’t know, I live hundreds of miles away. We talk daily on the phone. Why didn’t she tell me?

Tiger was online for years and made many dubious decisions, some that my friend knew about, and it has ended tragically. This is a “normal” family.

The Cass Review, Tavistock being closed down … too little too late. My friend’s tragedy will hopefully never be publicised but how many more tragedies are there out there, that we don’t know about?

My friend and Tiger had turned to Mermaids and Tavistock. She did everything she thought was right for her child, listened to the “professionals”.

I hate them. I hate them all. I can’t tell you how much I hate these “professionals”.

How many more children have been destroyed mentally and physically, and even died because of these evil people?

How is my friend going to feel in a decade when it’s fully known about these practices and charities, and medical malpractices are huge news?

Like I said I can’t share any of this with my friends. So I’m here on FWR ranting on a post that probably doesn’t even make sense.

If anyone does reply to my post I probably won’t be back for a while as I’m staying with my friend for a couple of weeks. I just needed to get it off my chest. I’ll hopefully be able to sneak here now and again to be comforted by like minded women.

This is as bad as it gets. It feels like a nightmare. And am glad of every FOI request I’ve made, every Let Women speak I’ve attended, every garden I’ve watered and even my monthly Sex Matters DD.

I just can't believe this, I post on here almost every day and this is what we most fear. My friend is a normal person living a normal life, not a potential front page news story.

I don’t want another mother to have to go though what my friend is going though. If you got this far through my rambling - thanks for reading.

OP posts:
MarieDeGournay · 31/05/2024 23:29

'..it has ended tragically'? Do you mean your friend's child has actually passed away? That's so sad.

If that's the case, your sadness at the loss, and fury at the groups and organisations who feed misinformation to young people like Tiger, are completely understandable. I'm sorry you are going through it, and worse still, what your friend is going through. I hope it helped to share. Flowers

BettyBooper · 31/05/2024 23:34

I hope you are okay and that those you are with are okay. Sending love xxx

Harassedevictee · 31/05/2024 23:35
Flowers
Delphinium20 · 31/05/2024 23:41

I'm so sorry for your friend and her child.

MinorDisaster · 31/05/2024 23:51

I'm sending love. x

nocoolnamesleft · 31/05/2024 23:59

If you are saying what I think you are saying, then I am so terribly sorry for your friend's dreadful loss. I hope your presence can be some tiny measure of comfort to her. Her child was failed. I desperately hope that the CASS report may help save future children in that position, but that can be no comfort to your friend, and all who loved her child. Thoughts and prayers.

NotNo · 01/06/2024 00:11

Yes Tiger has now died.

Can't say how or why or when.

Thanks for replying I didn't know if anyone would. Ambiguous posts are always very annoying!!

Holding my friend while she sobs whilst inside I'm silently furious. Not with her or with Tiger. But with this insane world.

If the school had supported my friend more, if she hadn't gone to Mermaids. If I could have signposted her to better places to get information. If if if ...

This should never have happened. And I know no child should die but this death is because of people being "kind" and accepting and keeping secrets for too long.

Thanks for listening, vipers. I wish I could tell someone what happened someone to be angry with me.

OP posts:
NotNo · 01/06/2024 00:19

And you're right about the Cass report, it will save lives!!!

And I've not mentioned the report to my friend as it will smash what's left of her heart into a trillion more pieces. She thought she was doing right by Tiger.

One day she will read about the report and the damage being done to kids. How is she going to feel??

She is in a drug-induced bubble at the moment. How will she feel when knows the truth?

She not some narcissistic woke mum, she's my friend from school, just trying to do the best for her kids and following advice from "experts".

I hope these experts are all arrested and jailed!

OP posts:
BettyBooper · 01/06/2024 01:04

NotNo · 01/06/2024 00:19

And you're right about the Cass report, it will save lives!!!

And I've not mentioned the report to my friend as it will smash what's left of her heart into a trillion more pieces. She thought she was doing right by Tiger.

One day she will read about the report and the damage being done to kids. How is she going to feel??

She is in a drug-induced bubble at the moment. How will she feel when knows the truth?

She not some narcissistic woke mum, she's my friend from school, just trying to do the best for her kids and following advice from "experts".

I hope these experts are all arrested and jailed!

I'm so sorry. This is so awful. Just letting you know that I am thinking of you and your friend xxx

IwantToRetire · 01/06/2024 01:48

Oh no - this is just so sad and shocking. I hadn't really grasped the fact that Tiger has died.

It has brought tears to my eyes.

But nothing to the absolute tragedy for your friend. So, so sorry for her.

And it sounds like you are being brilliant, not only by being there for her, but holding back so as not to make her pain worse.

RIP Tiger Flowers

And all the other children deceived by this cult, and shame on the medical profession who lost sight of their responsibilities.

hihelenhi · 01/06/2024 08:34

It's not at all rambly. You sound like a truly loving and compassionate friend. Desperately sorry for your friend's terrible loss, and I'm not surprised about your fury (even though you're not able to express it). Impossible situation which should not have been allowed to happen and there will be more, sadly. Sending love x

RufustheFactualReindeer · 01/06/2024 08:37

So sorry for your friends loss, i know you are looking after her but make sure you look after yourself as well 💐

ArabellaScott · 01/06/2024 08:48

My heart goes out to all of you. Flowers

mrshoho · 01/06/2024 08:58

I'm so sorry for your devastating loss. Please feel free to chat away here. It is a tragedy and I think your feelings are completely understandable. I can only imagine the grief your friend must be feeling but she is lucky to have you. I read this and think how close we came with our child in getting swept along with gender questioning and affirmation. Take care and may Tiger rest in eternal peace. xxx

Villagetoraiseachild · 01/06/2024 09:09

Just read this and so sorry for you all.
Please feel free to vent away here, whenever it suits.
One day at a time and finding comfort in small things is one way forward.
It is a beautiful thing that you can be there for your friend. 💐

WarriorN · 01/06/2024 09:26

I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss Flowers take care of yourself, this stuff hits extra hard when it's so close to home.

ZeldaFighter · 01/06/2024 09:28

So very sorry to your friend and yourself for Tiger's loss.

You are doing the right thing holding in your rage, it must be hard but the right thing usually is. Now is the time for love and support.

Sending you all love and strength and eventually peace. RIP Tiger

TWETMIRF · 01/06/2024 09:40

Sorry to hear this, it wasn't 'kind' of all the people that sent Tiger down that path. Vent and ramble away as much as you need, you're being a good friend and letting it out on here is good.

Morwenscapacioussleeves · 01/06/2024 09:57

I'm so sorry
I hope you have your own (real life) support while you support your friend through this horror.
💐💐💐

Boiledbeetle · 01/06/2024 10:11

Oh NotNo, 💐 This is what we've all dreaded as an outcome for these kids. I'm so sorry it's become reality for Tiger.

Do what you can to get Tiger's mum through this period of time, but remember to look after yourself as well!

You know we're here so just come and rage here! xx

PriOn1 · 01/06/2024 13:40

So sad to read. This is what I have been fearing and hoping would not happen. So many young lives are being irreparably damaged. So sorry for you and so sorry for your friend. I’m glad she has you. We must keep on fighting this until there are no more children being harmed.

Faffertea · 01/06/2024 13:43

I am so sorry to read this @NotNo . I am sure the love and support you are giving her will be invaluable to your friend.
I am thinking of you both, and of Tiger. I hope they are at peace.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 01/06/2024 13:50

😔 I’m so sorry - the poor child and your poor friend

I’m sure you’re being a tremendous support to her which is the best you can do for her xxxx

Sue152 · 01/06/2024 13:55

'Young teenage child Tiger' - these vulnerable kids need so much more time and help given to unpicking their mental health issues.
I'm so sorry for your friends loss, I cannot imagine what she is going through right now.

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