Rambling on and unmumsnetty handhold

[NotNo]

This is going to probably be a nonsensical and rambling post but I have nowhere else to share my grief and raging anger. I want to scream and shout.

But I can’t share with close friends and definitely can’t share online , if the media even sniffed a clue as what it’s about, it would make national news.

So please bare with me. Obviously I’ve changed my username but you can check with mumnset, and they could confirm I’ve been a regular poster on here for 20 years.

So here goes, I’m not using pronouns as don’t want to give any clue as to their sex. Anyway my best friend from primary school has had the most shocking news about her young teenage child “Tiger”.

My friend is a “normal” middle class mum and Tiger was a happy-go-lucky and slightly quirky kid.

My friend only told me recently that Tiger was trans, if I’d have known sooner I could have supported my friend by signposting to here or to other helpful websites, charities, books and YouTube videos.

But I didn’t know, I live hundreds of miles away. We talk daily on the phone. Why didn’t she tell me?

Tiger was online for years and made many dubious decisions, some that my friend knew about, and it has ended tragically. This is a “normal” family.

The Cass Review, Tavistock being closed down … too little too late. My friend’s tragedy will hopefully never be publicised but how many more tragedies are there out there, that we don’t know about?

My friend and Tiger had turned to Mermaids and Tavistock. She did everything she thought was right for her child, listened to the “professionals”.

I hate them. I hate them all. I can’t tell you how much I hate these “professionals”.

How many more children have been destroyed mentally and physically, and even died because of these evil people?

How is my friend going to feel in a decade when it’s fully known about these practices and charities, and medical malpractices are huge news?

Like I said I can’t share any of this with my friends. So I’m here on FWR ranting on a post that probably doesn’t even make sense.

If anyone does reply to my post I probably won’t be back for a while as I’m staying with my friend for a couple of weeks. I just needed to get it off my chest. I’ll hopefully be able to sneak here now and again to be comforted by like minded women.

This is as bad as it gets. It feels like a nightmare. And am glad of every FOI request I’ve made, every Let Women speak I’ve attended, every garden I’ve watered and even my monthly Sex Matters DD.

I just can't believe this, I post on here almost every day and this is what we most fear. My friend is a normal person living a normal life, not a potential front page news story.

I don’t want another mother to have to go though what my friend is going though. If you got this far through my rambling - thanks for reading.

Morning.

Just wanted to give a quick update. You were so helpful when I needed to dump my distress on you all.

The funeral was last week. The turnout was incredible, it gave my friend so much joy to know how much Tiger was loved.

I've been finding it easier and easier not having to bite my tongue. I'm just so fucking worried for when (one day) she finds out what those "charities" did to her child.

She asked in lieu of flowers donations to a charity that we all here know is a bad 'un. But luckily I'd mentally prepared for her doing this and practiced my reaction.

She asked my opinion, this wasn't the time so just answered.

"Dear friend do what you feel is right"

In my head I just thought that a few hundred isn't going to make that much difference to that "charity".

As regards Tiger's death, I may have been wrong as regards the media attention. So hard to explain without being outing but "they" can't find evidence of what I suspect. So Tiger still has a temporary Death Certificate.

It is all such a mess and in the middle of it all - a destroyed family, a broken mother and a innocent dead child.

I'm terrified that when my friend comes out of the back hole she's in. This year?Next year? In 10 years? She's going to find out about these "charities" and Tavistock and she won't be able to cope with the guilt.

A mother just trying to do the right thing by her child. I wish people like David Tennant would just fuck the fuck off and be quiet. They can support their children without all the publicity.

I hate him and don't know him but I'm just so full of so much rage. Day in and day out seeing the tsunami of grief and sadness in the family because of a "cult".

I wish the posters ranting about the election and "who cares about transwomen" would open their eyes to what they can't or won't see! I'm a normal woman trying to live a normal life. Who the fuck am I suppose to vote for?

Anyway thanks again for letting me rant. Thanks vipers.

You sound a wonderful friend.
Your post almost broke me and reduced me to tears of anger.
When will this all end?

Thete is no pain greater than the pain of losing a child. I lost my child 8 years ago and the heartache never subsides. I am desperately sad to hear what has happened to your friend and her beloved child.
I have said this before on here and will keep saying it. If this cult is allowed to continue, the children caught up in it will suffer terrible ill health and many will die prematurely.
The Cass report was clear.
I am so sorry.
All you can do is be there for your friend in the years to come. She will need you.

Thanks for updating us.

And glad, if that is the right expression, that the funeral gave some comfort.

Your friend is so lucky to have you during this really horrendous time for her. And I hope her pain starts to ease.

But it maybe years before you can have an honest conversation.

But at the moment you are helping by being supportive.

for you
for your friend
for Tiger

OP.

And endofthelinefinally, I'm so sorry.

OP I’m so very very sorry for your friend 💐 and angry along with you that Tiger and your friend were so badly let down by people who claimed expertise.

There are no words…

Again, I’m just so sorry for your friend and I’m sending my deepest condolences and best wishes to you.

I don't know what to do with myself. Counselling? Raging on here?

I went back to work last week but I'm not sleeping, I'm angry all the time. So angry. I feel that people are sleep walking into a dystopian future. This election, no one supporting Rosie. Anger at JKR. So many thoughts spinning around in my head.

I want to scream in the faces of Baby Spice and David Tennant, shout at them call them "murderers"!!

Obviously I would never ever do that EVER. They are as fucked up and following the same shit advice as my friend. With hopefully better outcomes for their kids.

I don't deserve for you to call me a good friend. I'm not. I'm really not.

Tiger had been transgender for 3 years!! 3 years and my friend never told me. Why?

You can guess why!! I'm vocal on my opinions of the ability to change sex. She obviously felt I would judge or not understand.

If she had told me I could have given her some other charity suggestions, some other resources to look over.

A child is dead because of this shit. How many more are they that we don't know about?

The funeral was awful and I think my friend will look back on it in later years with regret. Pictures of her over sexualised looking child with bright red lipstick and revealing outfits. Order of service with their "new" name. I can't even go into what the "new" name is, it's never a completely random one is it?

The "new" name and pronouns used all through the long long long religious ceremony.

When I was staying with my friend before the funeral, we only called Tiger their real name and used their correct pronouns.

The funeral was about how Tiger was failed by the NHS (I agree) and how they were beginning to love their "true self".

So many confused people at the funeral who didn't know what was going on. I have to reiterate my friend is just a normal
Mum. Not a Narcissistic Nutter looking for attention. For her to be sucked up into this, means no one is safe.

I'm angry so so so so fucking angry.

@endofthelinefinally I'm so sorry.

So sorry to hear how you are feeling.

Is it that there are two parts to this. One is the trans agenda, the impact it is having socially, and as you have now found out to a child you knew.

Abd yes there are years of this frustration and anger and institutions not listening to facts - until the Cass Review.

But also your relationship with your friend. To find out they didn't want / didn't feel able to talk to you. This must hurt, but I dont think you are to blame. Her not talking about the situation may as much be a reflection of her not being totally sure about what was happening to Tiger, but decided that she should support and so cut herself of from hearing anything that might raise doubts.

Not in any way suggesting I would know more than you about what your are feeling, but just wanted to sympathise with how you are know feeling and need a way to cope.

But yes of course come and rage on here.

Is there any way you could give yourself a break? Its been such an intense time, and you not able to be fully yourself. Even if it is just a day when you focus on what you like to do and where you want to be?

I'm so sorry @NotNo
I can't even imagine what you (and your friend of course) are going through.
We will keep fighting against this insidious, shitty ideology.

There are some signs of improvement, NotNo - too late for your dear friend's child, and that is a tragedy that will never leave you, but a few rays of light.
There's more discussion about biological sex being more important than gender ID, there's been the Cass report, there have been opinion polls showing how little the general public buy into a lot of this stuff.

A few years ago when I realised just how much of society - including crucial areas like science, medicine and education - had been captured by gender/trans ideology, it had a terrible effect on my normally resilient mental health. I thought the world had gone mad, and everything I believe in had been turned upside down. I think 2024 is a more hopeful place.

Finding this thread on MN was a lifesaver; you've found it too, and you know that you can always come on here to rage or to mourn and you'll always be supported.

That rage that you feel - it's a shared rage, it's that rage that fuels the fightback that you read about on this thread, so think of it as an energy that is not just flowing through you, keeping you awake and making you want to scream, but a whole National Grid of Rage that runs through millions of us, and fortunately some of us - think JK Rowling - have the ability to channel that rage into finely-tuned arguments and actions.

Try to think of your rage not as consuming you, but think of yourself as a power station of righteous anger plugged into that National Grid of Rage that we can all draw from to keep fighting this damaging ideology.

Her not talking about the situation may as much be a reflection of her not being totally sure about what was happening to Tiger, but decided that she should support and so cut herself of from hearing anything that might raise doubts.

Oh thank you this makes so much sense.

I'm not hurt she didn't tell me just upset that I could have helped. But I suppose it could have ended our friendship if she didn't want to hear what I was a saying. Not that I would have ramens it down her throat. But I could have made her aware of other "stuff".

But ultimately the ending could have been the same. But it might not."!!

Oh I don't know it's all such a mess.

Thank you for listening. It does help to gorge it all out.

I have a godson who identifies as a woman and his mother and I used to be so close that we could say ANYTHING to each other. He too struggles with suicide ideation and has loads of mental health co-morbidities which, not surprisingly, his transition has not alleviated. She too is a normal mother whose son came out around age 17. He's bullied her and scared her so much that now she's "supportive," but she knows I'm not and it's really put a dent in our friendship as I walk on eggshells around them both. Her son is so delusional, he actually thinks I'm a "queer ally" despite my never ever saying that I was and despite my being a woman married to a man. He calls me his "queer godmother" which is utterly bizarre because I have no idea how I qualify under any rainbow. I'm not even Irish ;). His fantasy life is so strong that unless directly confronted, he thinks silence is enthusiastic agreement.

She really wants our friendship to stay strong, but we don't talk about the elephant in the room much because when I've tried to explain why this is going to harm him in the long run, she puts up a wall. A part of me now accepts that nothing I say will change her son's trajectory. That's on him. He's a young adult now, so probably not the same situation as Tiger, but the few times I've tried to give my friend advice (Genspect, Cass Report) my friend shuts me down or gets very defensive.

If you'd been able to share resources w/ your friend, there's a strong likelihood she'd never have taken your advice. None of this is your fault. There's only so much we can do. We can love them and be there for them, but we can't fix them.

The death of a child is the worst, worst thing. Nothing compares. The hyper sexualization of him at his funeral is also a horrifying spectacle and I'm sorry you had to witness that. I shudder just looking at my godson when he's in his fetish gear and makeup, so I can't imagine having to mourn while viewing that image. I'm so sorry for your pain. And I feel your rage. It's justified.

I am very sorry @NotNo

My DC is old enough to have left home, we keep in contact, I see the damage done but I don't challenge any of it with DC, it does no good. I agree with IWantToRetire, take some space for yourself. Mostly I get on with life and when the rage gets bad I put this on VERY loud dance airpunch and sing along (replace "Hitler" with any name I like)

for you, and your friend, and for Tiger.

This is so sad, OP. I am sorry this happened to you all.

My deepest sympathies and condolences to your friend and yourself. I can't imagine the heartbreak.

Nothing better to offer than the words already said but as the Americans say, you are both in my thoughts and prayers x