Pride at Work- did I put my foot in it?

[PennyMordauntsLadyBrain]

I work in a fairly junior HR role in a very male dominated industry- think a local chain of mechanics.

Our HR team is small- less than 5 people. Boss is gay, but it’s the least interesting bit about her. It was our quarterly meeting and the Pride plans were on the agenda- L&D Lead whips out a presentation she’d been given by a third party and we started going through it, with the ultimate plan being that we, HR, would be delivering the training to groups across the business.

It all started well, with sound bites about LGBT people not being able to talk about their personal lives in the same way as straight people, etc etc, fair enough.

Then it moved on to actions for staff- being an “ally”, pronouns in emails, always making sure to ask people their pronouns. Not sure how this is going to go down with a lot of oil-stained mechanics in their 50s, but anyway.

Then it came to the branding- basically we’re told that there’s a big expectation from the parents company that everyone in HR uses the gaudy pride email footer, Teams backgrounds etc.

I realised I needed to say something. I said that I appreciated this was a cause close to a lot of people’s hearts, but I don’t feel comfortable making any political statements at work. I’m a feminist, but I declined to use the Women’s day branding when that was circulated. I have other strong political opinions but I don’t bring them into work, and this is no different. I won’t be using any of these materials or language in my own communications.

L&D Lead nods and looks oddly relieved? Boss says “Well Pride isn’t political.” - I said “I think we can all agree it’s been politicised over the last number of years.” They agreed and said that they don’t want to piss anyone off, and yes, it’s meaningless if people are forced to do these things.

I’m glad I spoke up, but I’m shitting myself I’ve put a target on my forehead for being intolerant.

It sounds like it went down well! You made really good points - politics should stay out of work unless it's relevant to the job itself. The fact that people seemed to relax should show you that people agreed and you should hopefully have some back up if anyone doesn't agree with you?

You boss doesn’t seem to be as smart at you or the L&D lead if she doesn’t recognise that Pride is political.

Well done for speaking up. It’s natural to feel a bit wibbly and exposed when you’ve asserted healthy boundaries- but you must hold your nerve and not back track - you’ve demonstrated that you are thoughtful, have a moral compass, moral courage and intelligence. Others will be impressed.

Sounds like you handled it really well. It is a really good point that being political can put off potential customers or other people in the industry. I think you've saved your workplace a lot of grief.

Well done OP. You're not alone. Even Simon Fanshawe (one of the founders of Stonewall) is raising issues about the problems with DEI and how so many initiatives do nothing to promote equality. Apparently countless businesses are begining to have the same discussions:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/business/2024/05/06/inside-plot-take-back-control-diversity-zealots/

You made perfectly valid points in a sensible manner.

Besides, true diversity and inclusion are demonstrated by actions, not by words. All the rainbows in the world do not compensate for homophobic comments. You can be diverse and inclusive without waving any rainbow flags or pronoun flags.

I think they were all secretly pleased that you said it - well done OP! x

Nicely done OP. Very well said. In fact I might nick your approach!

Sounds pretty good to me!

Sounds like they were relieved you brought the issue up in such a reasonable manner.

I think you made a valid point that successful DEI does not involve forcing people to say the 'right things' while quietly they go off and roll their eyes while behaving exactly the same way they always do.

How does sticking a banner on your email signature change anyone's behaviour?

Well done for speaking up

You star ✨

Well done for saying something. I've refused to add pronouns or whatever other shit gets rolled out because it literally has nothing to do with my work or how I do my job. It makes no difference whatsoever.

Are you a member of a union OP? Might be worth joining FSU just in case?

Personally I would note down everything now in case some plonker raises an issue with what you said.

Although the tide is turning, I feel we are still trying to walk in the treacle of all the madness.

I think this sentence really sums up the issue:

“It seemed self-evidently right [in the past] but now they’re saying, ‘Actually I’m not convinced that a high-street retailer should take a position on anti-conversion therapy,” he says. “Because what’s that got to do with the price of beans?’”

In the distant past retailers would have put up religiously-themed decorations around Christmas but I can't think of anything in the past as pervasive as this.

Bloody well done.

I'm technically one of the alphabet soup members but I refuse to have anything to do with the pride or rainbow movement.

It's toxic.

I think the fact that you also declined to use the women's day branding as well should show that you just genuinely don't want to mix work with personal views.

First off, everyone is entitled to their individual opinion on this stuff but... for what it's worth my friend who is an out gay woman married to another woman told me she hates this stuff.
"At work I just want to be Sarah, not gay Sarah."

As I say, everyone is an individual but I find it interesting that she's so not bothered & there's all this focus on this stuff.

You did fantastically well, OP, and if in meetings all over the UK someone in every meeting spoke up as you did, things would be very different. It only takes one person to give everyone permission to back off. Well done and thank you.

This.

And if they really push it just vaguely say you're not ready to be 'outed' in any way.so don't want to publicly state your sexuality or gender.

Play their word games.

Well done, that’s absolutely excellent.

I was asked to ‘prideify’ the company branding and website.

I asked them to submit a written business plan for the project, complete with a cost benefit analysis.

They never did write that proposal…

I have to admit I’ve been put off using certain businesses in the past because they’ve made their political views public. It’s not their place to make political statements when they’re a supermarket, furniture company, jeweller, bank, etc. Even if I agree with their view I still find it annoying. I just want to buy stuff, I don’t want to be lectured at. I have no idea why any business would announce their politics and potentially lose customers as a result, when they could just stay quiet and keep all of the customers?

Good for you. The oil stained mechanics comment made me laugh. The odd pronoun in an email if that’s what people want to do, but actually starting a conversation with ‘what are your pronouns?’ - how likely is that? I always remember some article I read ages ago from an American professor. He was at a conference and talking to a TW and it came up. The TW had said that the whole thing was totally embarrassing and had the opposite effect to that hoped for. It was obvious they were a TW and it was like someone was questioning them rather than supporting them. (If that makes sense). Anyway well done.

Good job OP.

Clearly your boss is simple, but a lot of people are in the same way.

There is a huge differernce between saying people in the workplace should be treated properly, and refrain from being offensive dicks, and publicly supporting political movements be it International Women's Day, Pride, BLM, or whatever. (And many seem also unable to understand that a person might be against racism, but think that an organization like BLM is not actually reflecting their beliefs about racism.)

Even where I might privately support an idea or initiative, I don't think it is remotely appropriate to force employees into saying they believe certain things or support certain things. People are allowed to believe what they want, even if it's nasty. Where did the idea that your boss should get to tell you what to think came from? It's like we still live in the era where the king converts so the rest of the people have to convert right along with him.