Asking a school what their policy on gender questioning children is?

[CiaoBe]

Has anyone done this?

I know what it is in reality (affirm behind parents back, change name and pronouns without parental knowledge)

But after the cass report I'd like to ask them what it is in writing.

I'm considering making a complaint.

Thanks for the support BTW.

I actually have bad anxiety and it's hard to push this.

As a parent of an ex pupil you have every right to make a scene about this, do so

I completely understand your position and it's not a very comfortable one. It's hard to be the first one to put your head above the wall, very hard, easier for someone else to do it, but you're taking these steps and doing a genuine service to every single child at that school, not just your now, you need applauding

Interesting. Incidentally, I was double checking the admissions criteria for the secondary school we're hoping to get DD into (currently Y5 so need to apply from September). The admissions page states this which I thought was pleasantly surprising:

"Why should I consider an all Girls’ school for my child?
Freedom from Stereotypes
In a Girls’ school, there is no stereotyping and gender-weighted expectations. Girls are free to recognise their strengths and excel in subjects which have traditionally been dominated by boys. At school names we see a much greater balance between the Arts and Science subjects and female success in Maths, Physics, Sport and Technology."

Has anyone come across other schools that state this? I would hope that this also influences how they deal with gender-questioning pupils. It's an all girls catholic state school in the North East.

Hugs @CiaoBe
I have a meeting with the MAT I work for. I will be with you in spirit.

Keep requesting the policies.
Ask who signed off the change to your child's name and pronouns.

Write down the questions you want to ask. If you don't feel able to speak, you can point at the question.

Courage.

There's no shame in tears (I cried once when picking up a prescription).

I'm definitely going to get emotional. My DDs been through alot and I'm so mad that they let this happen.

tell them up front that you're likely to get tearful. Don't be embarrassed, you've every right. Remember to take hankies.

Have you written down what you want from the meeting CiaoBe?
Just a few thoughts (from someone who's been on the other side of meeting with parents when things have gone wrong in schools).

Which staff were involved in transitioning my daughter?
What records were kept of discussions individual staff had with her?
How were other staff communicated with about the school's decision? Please supply a copy of anything written to staff about my child.
Who made the decision not to inform me?
What were the reasons the school had for not informing me?
Were any other agencies consulted about her? Which ones? Did anyone from an external agency meet with my daughter?
What school policies informed your decision?

Relevant school policies might be:
Equality diversity policy
Anti bullying policy,
Pastoral care policy
Safeguarding policy
Confidentiality policy
Policy on gender non conforming children

These should be on their website.

Also ask for a copy of their complaints policy - you don't have to use it but it lets them know that you're prepared to.

Hope this is useful? Just ignore this if it's not helpful.

Oh my gosh. That is INCREDIBLY helpful.

Thankyou so much.

I'm going to write over the weekend some notes about what I want from the meeting and that is just extremely helpful. Thankyou so much.

Do you know if I would be able to record the meeting? Do I need to ask permission?

Yes you need to ask if you want to record it - they may be reluctant. You could ask if they would have a note taker? You could take a friend to make brief notes or, just have a pen ready and take a moment after their responses to make a note.
Reflect back to them: "So it was the Head of Year who decided to transition her?" (make a quick note) etc.
It is hard to ask questions, listen and make a note so don't worry if you can't.
Just reflect back to them what they've said. "You're saying that the Head of Year didn't take advice from their line manager / Headteacher?"

What I would suggest is that after the meeting go and sit quietly as soon as possible afterwards and write down as much as you can remember - answers, phrases used, information. Doesn't have to be exact.
Then, depending what you want to do, you could send them an email confirming what you think they've said:
"To confirm, you told me that the HoY decided to socially transition **. They spoke with the SENCO & tutor, sent a memo to all staff about name changes and pronoun use. They did not seek the Head's permission or inform me" etc.

Finish by asking them to confirm that they agree that this is an accurate record of the meeting.

One further thought. It's worth pointing out to the schools that they are interfering in your ability to protect your child.
Only the courts can remove parental rights. If their child is taken into care. parents still keep those responsibilities and continue to be involved / consulted. Working with parents has been a basic principle of safeguarding since the 1989 Children Act.
By socially transitioning a child in secret, a school defies that principle. The new draft guidelines for schools about gender questioning children are very clear:

https://consult.education.gov.uk/equalities-political-impartiality-anti-bullying-team/gender-questioning-children-proposed-guidance/supporting_documents/Gender%20Questioning%20Children%20%20nonstatutory%20guidance.pdf

I might be wrong but I don't think schools have to have a specific policy on this? Other policies might be relevant; safeguarding, RSHE but I don't think there is a specific one.

Good luck OP! I am doing similar with a residential college my daughter is going to for sixth form, so all the usual safeguarding stuff plus boarding considerations.

They have a combined equalities policy that states anyone should use the facilities that aligns with their gender identity but they don’t define what they mean by gender identity. Remember that “trans” isn’t a thing someone is, it’s something someone does. The definition in EA2010 is a person with the characteristic of gender reassignment. Question them on what they mean by “trans” and “gender identity” because neither exists in law.

i am in month three of emailing the head of safeguarding who at one point told me that she wasn’t responsible for safeguarding. I screenshot their published safeguarding policy which names her…! But still no useful answers.

This is correct. It's a minefield for schools too

The legal advice linked earlier as well as the threat that any parent could take the legal option and the names governors teachers and headmaster is PERSONALLY reasonable is the email you need to send. It’s their literal head on the line.

The problem is that this ideology is soaked into so many guidance documents. for example https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ad86fc5ed915d32a65dbe26/FE_Residential_Accommodation_National_Minimum_Standards.pdf says "As far as possible, transgender or gender-questioning students should be able to sleep in accommodation appropriate to their gender identity. The Equality Act 2010 does permit certain exceptions from the prohibition on discrimination against trans people in relation to communal accommodation. The exception allows communal accommodation to be restricted to one sex only for privacy reasons, as long as the accommodation is managed as fairly as possible for both males and females." (footnote page 9)

So two directly contradicting messages in the same guidance. Not surprisingly, the Intercom Trust is referenced.

Absolutely - which is why we should all be telling the schools to do this:

"The school immediately review all their policies and practice pertaining to responding to gender-distressed children and safeguarding to ensure its lawfulness in accordance with the Cass Report and the Monaghan Advice. For schools to be assured that they are compliant, the safest mechanism is for them to adopt the DfE Draft Guidance for Gender Questioning Children on an interim basis until such time as the final guidance is published by the Government."

All the info parents need to email their school and question if their policies have been reviewed in line with this legal advice and with the Cass review is here

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5050647-cass-report-school-policies-write-to-your-childs-school-for-evidence-their-current-policies-and-practices-are-lawful-and-in-line-with-the-cass-report-links-starter-info

Please, please write the email

I'm feeling really worried about this meeting.

My anxiety is through the roof.

The basis of what I want to get across is

-I don't want to make a complaint about how they handled DDs case and I don't wnat any individual to be held responsible or get in trouble.
-I just want them to acknowledge that there is guidance in place suggesting what they did is wrong.

• I want them to stop transitioning kids without parental consent

-Stop changing kids names and pronouns at school unless it's an extreme case where it's been established for a long time.

But I'm REALLY scared that they're going to defend what they did and say they're going to continue to 'support kids' in this way.

The school has 3 trans teachers so I feel. Like they're heavily influenced.

I also want to know if they have compelled speech when it comes to pronouns.

Ie are kids forced to use preferred pronouns? And punished if they don't?

Especially for the trans teachers.

And also are the trans teachers following safeguarding guidelines and only dealing with children of their biological sex in situations such as trips and toilet checks.

It is frightening, especially if you're worried they'll double down.

I'd prepare the questions that you think will best meet your wishes. There are suggestions upthread but you don't have to use any of them.

The new draft guidelines linked above actually address most of what you're concerned about. If you don't want to challenge any adult for how they behaved to your DD, maybe focus on asking how the school will implement them?

And it's fine to cancel if you want to and write a letter instead. If it's too stressful, step back and look after yourself

Im sorry you're so nervous about the meeting. Can you take someone supportive with you?

What you could do is just ask questions and note down their answers. You don't need to disagree with them or say anything other than ask questions- you needn't comment on their responses there and then. You can do that by letter afterwards with help from others if you need it.

I would consider doing this. My child attended 6th form at BRIT school and was socially transitioned with a phone call to me to discuss how much support 'they' were getting at home

BRIT have an Equality, Diversity and inclusion policy on their website

www.brit.croydon.sch.uk/attachments/download.asp?file=657&type=pdf

Page 8 states the Equality Act 2010 protects transsexuals as a protected characteristic...I thought that wasn't true?

(I can't copy and paste but can take screenshot)

It’s not even slightly true but is constantly misunderstood