Sexist and dangerous Samaritans ad

[Meadowbird]

https://twitter.com/samaritans/status/1760599123923722266

A really bizarre ad - encouraging lone women to approach disturbed men on deserted train station platforms and ask them out for a coffee. What could possibly go wrong? They also will become sexier if they do apparently.

It was Samaritans who insisted their call handlers never hang up on callers even when it was blindingly obvious they were masturbating, wasn't it? There was a thread on here.

This ad has disturbed me a great deal.I’ve been thinking about it all day. I’m glad the Twitter thread has been supportive to women’s fears like this one.

Not if they are only thinking about how to do it, and nowhere near a station. which was the case when I have mentioned it to fellow MH service users. It has made at least two people think about what jumping in front of a train actually entails.

I still think that even in a station I would tell them. It's possible that realising that what they think is a simple quick painless way to die has consequences for others, may stop them using this particular method.

Someone mentioned the Brenda Line earlier in the thread.

https://gendercriticalwoman.blog/2023/06/18/the-brenda-line-samaritans-2/

Of course some of them were calling for a laugh or boys wanting to know about sex. The staff were encouraged to engage with them and teach the callers useful information, about sex, whist ignoring the ongoing masturbation. Some were classified as lonely men who were unable to form relationships with women and Varah believed the women who worked the Brenda line could help these men form respectful relationship with women.

Yes, a young woman I know who used to volunteer on the helplines stopped doing it because of this - she’d been doing it for years but said it got all too much; they weren’t even allowed to end the call even if it was a known pervert who called up every day and who everyone knew was masturbating on the other end of the line. Whatever the worthy sentiment behind never ending any call, in practice it just meant female volunteers were subjected to being used as a live sex line for a number of perverts.

She said that the sex callers just hung up if they got a male volunteer, so it was only ever the female volunteers who had to sit there listening to it right to the inevitable “climax”, as organisation policy. She said it wore you down.

I didn’t ever quite look at them as an organisation in the same way again after learning that.

On Twitter/X someone said their current CEO is the woman who pushed gender ideology at Girlguiding. (It figures, no?)

I still think that even in a station I would tell them. It's possible that realising that what they think is a simple quick painless way to die has consequences for others, may stop them using this particular method
Ot make them feel even worse.
Bringing them back to the present even momentarily with trivia or with things that are happening now (weather, or whatever) might stop them spiralling might make them more likely to think twice
Not guilt trip them into " think what your family would go through" or "what about the train driver?"
They've obviously gone past that point.

I'm pretty sure that suicidal people know that trains have drivers, just as they know that any method is going to have someone discovering the body and being traumatised by that. They aren't mentally in the right place to be considerate of themselves, let alone others.

Yes, agree with this

Urgh I wasn't going to post this on this thread as it's outing but I had a friend who killed herself jumping off a bridge in front of a train. She actually worked for the railways, and she would have known exactly what the aftermath involved, as unfortunately many/most railway workers do. I will spare the details but, well, she planned it all in detail.

I will never understand her decision, but then she was extremely mentally disturbed when she killed herself.

So, yeah, people who kill themselves on railway lines know that trains have drivers, staff, passengers etc. Some of them know better than most exactly what effect it will have and still do it anyway 😔

Why are they perpetuating the message that anyone severely depressed can snap out of it with a little chat?

They're not. No-one is saying that a little chat will solve someone's severe depression. What this ad is saying is that a random question or chat can distract someone from what they might be thinking of doing, grounding them in that moment and bringing them back from the brink.

As I said early on in this thread, someone talking that exact action probably saved my friend's life. He continued to have problems with depression for a while, but being brought back from the brink by that person not only prevented him from throwing himself in front of that train that afternoon, but also brought him to the realisation that he needed to get help. And he is now doing very much better.

Sorry, I have to say this. Many years I had a friend whose brother tried to kill himself by jumping in front of a train and ended up quadriplegic. I used to romanticise about killing myself but stopped after that happened

So it's Always women's job to save men? Good to know 🙄 that's me womaning wrong again!

surely there must be a Samaritans train ad in-which a bloke reaches out to someone in despair?

Not as far as I can find. Always women approaching men.

How strange.

Just watched the full ad. I see what you mean; there is more context, like making eye contact with and getting a nod from the staff member. But I dislike it being played comedically – 'cool' woman rolling her eyes at 'unsure' woman – mocking, as you say.
Also that classic 'shut women up' line, 'You're overthinking it' – which 'unsure' woman actually agrees with🙄
And I still really object to the differences in styling/presentation of the two personas.

It is my actual experience that telling some actual people about the effect on the driver has changed their minds about what they think is the best way to end things. In their misery, all they can see is a quick end for themselves.

Obviously, others know this and choose it anyway. There are some very selfish ways to commit suicide - eg the co-pilot who locked his pilot out of the cabin, and then flew the plane full of passengers into the Alps.

In the actual situation of the ad, I would just start any old random chat with the person on the platform. I wouldn't ask them where to get a coffee.

I support the Samaritans with a monthly direct debit because it's important to me. This ad is really disappointing. It's encouraging young women to put themselves in real physical danger. When I was a teenager I learnt the hard way that being friendly to strange men could lead very quickly to frightening situations.

I agree with the spirit of the campaign, that people should be kinder to each other, but women are all too often harmed by our conditioning to take care of others. The ad should have shown a man making the approach.

This article is really shocking, and explains a lot.

They’ve added a kind of ‘keep safe’ message now.

Wearing a high viz vest so likely to be a worker at the station. Now he could approach the man without danger and ask if he is OK.

This is the biggest problem with the “ad”.

'Samaritans
@samaritans
·
Feb 22
You can approach someone you're worried about.You can just ask a question and make small talk.You can just say 'Hello'.You can save a life. #SmallTalkSavesLives

Samaritans
@samaritans
Starting conversations with people who are struggling to cope can save lives. But you should always put your personal safety first.'

It's not enough, Samaritans. The whole premise of this campaign is based on dodgy, sexist ideas.

Victoria Smith has written an article in the Critic

https://thecritic.co.uk/small-talk-and-big-asks/

It’s not the same, but for a while I’d stop & say hello to the Big Issue seller I saw on my way to the office every morning - back when I went to the office every day. Because being kind & friendly.

This led to him expecting me to buy him coffees & then one morning feeling me up under the guise of a ‘friendly hug’.

I changed my route.