Sexist and dangerous Samaritans ad

[Meadowbird]

https://twitter.com/samaritans/status/1760599123923722266

A really bizarre ad - encouraging lone women to approach disturbed men on deserted train station platforms and ask them out for a coffee. What could possibly go wrong? They also will become sexier if they do apparently.

Of course you would. I'm amazed at all the people on here saying they wouldn't interpret it as a come-on. It makes me wonder if they've been missing out on exciting romantic opportunities all their lives because they've been taking people's coffee-related chat-up lines literally.

It's also a particularly bizarre question to ask someone on a station platform. Either there's a coffee shop in the station, in which case it would be obvious, or you have to walk out of the station to get a coffee, in which case you'd probably miss your train. Perhaps the idea is to confuse the suicidal man sufficiently that he forgets to kill himself.

The ad is ridiculous. She should have offered tea. It's more British and a well known sinicure for all maladies. Also offer of tea can never be mistaken for a chat up.

This is the one thing in the ad I can't take exception to and which I think is being misinterpreted here. She says 'Do you know where I can get a coffee?' Not 'Where do you get a coffee round here?' (which I can imagine taking as a chat-up line). And she definitely doesn't say 'let's go for coffee' or 'ask him for a coffee' or any of the similar things people on here are inferring from it.

This is the one thing in the ad I can't take exception to and which I think is being misinterpreted here.

Well it's an ad and ads should be clear. Moreover her body language is very come hither.

I would never walk up to a man and ask where I could get a coffee as he could reply with "I'd like one actually, I'll show you where".

Surely the fact that a very large number of posters on this thread have misinterpreted it tells you that maybe we're not wrong?

As I said before my DP, who is quite honestly dimmer than Joey from Friends with this sort of stuff, even he immediately jumped to "yea that sounds like flirting".

What can I say? I don't agree. I think it's worded well, and carefully.

But anyway, my main point from my first post remains the same. I don't think the ad should even show a woman approaching a man, certainly not a woman who we are led to believe is 'good' and better than another woman because of the way she dresses and looks.

Unfortunately a lot of men aren't going to get the nuance of the slight difference in language. Hell some men can think you are coming on to them if you ask them if they want something to drink whilst they unblock your drains, so there is a high chance that question could be misread in what could possibly be a volatile/ reaction unknown situation. So you would be better with your do you know when the next train to Darlington is? question and it was unfortunate that the ad agency made such a bad choice (of many things) in the thing she said to him.

Again, I don't agree. But this is all arguing around the edges.

Men think women shop assistants are coming on to them if they ask if they need any help! "Where can I get a coffee?" Could 100% be misconstrued. Why isn't she saying "is this the platform for the Doncaster train?" Or better yet "hey Mr train station staff member I'm a bit worried about that chap over there could you maybe use your suicide prevention training that I have no doubt you have had to go and check in with him".

Not acceptable. Wrong for all the ways people have pointed out.

In a similar situation, if it looked like someone was thinking of suicide, I would tell them about the aftermath for the poor train driver. (I have in fact stopped people from thinking this is a good way to off themselves by telling them this, though not while they were actively suicidal.)

A few decades ago I had a friend who'd been in the Samaritans, who said that they were trained to do nothing except listen to people ringing in - obviously they can't offer advice, but it sounded like you might as well have rung the Speaking Clock (shows age) and tell it your problems. I don't know what the service is like nowadays, though.

The obvious person to ask if there's a station cafe or another cafe nearby is the station worker who's standing right next to the distressed-looking man.

Why would you ask the distressed man instead? If you decide to ask him it must be because you want to talk to him, not because you want the information.

Is that because you are a woman?

You do know that some men would see this as a come on sign, yes?

I can already see the incels using this like a pua. Look broody and irritable and slightly sad, let the hordes of young pretty women come talk to you, ask if you want a coffee.

Why doesn't she wolf-whistle at him and say "cheer up love, might never happen"?

That's what men have tended to do to me when I've dared to looked distressed in public, I can only assume they are modeling the behaviour they would appreciate at such a time.

Compared to women, men consistently perceive a greater degree of sexual intent in women's behavior.

Men appear to interpret people’s behaviors more sexually than do women. This finding, which has been replicated in scores of studies using a variety of methodological approaches, has been linked to important social concerns, including sexual assault and sexual harassment.

Good point. That's my experience too must be what they want

Yep.

I've approached a distressed man before to see if I could help (I'm fucking naive idiot sometimes). He turned on me in rage, swearing, shouting, advancing towards me.

It's a highly irresponsible and fucking stupid advert but try explaining that to people and they will be indignant that women suggest they differentiate themselves from doormats. We're to prioritise men's mental health, not our own safety. Obvs.

Any use of the word 'coffee' is problematic, tbh. It's too easy to be seen as practically code for sex. Which makes it an even bloody weirder advert.

Here's an old advert from 5 years ago. Why is she stood so close? I assumed at first that he must have been her partner.
At least she wasn't asking him about coffee.

Don't tell me "where can I get a coffee" cannot be misinterpreted as flirting when me asking a boiler guy if he had a lot of jobs in the area that day (he'd been moaning about being allocated an area out of his usual patch) invited him to ask "why, do you want me to come back when I'm finished?" With a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Like an actual porn film.

Was very awkward when i said no, i was just chit chatting and was going to let him know if he didn't get to the slip road before 4pm he'd be stuck in traffic for ages.

The whole advert is a little better than the short clip - eg shows other people, suggests they could help, shows her approach to the man keeps her at bit of a distance and behind, not beside him.
but the mixed message is there- shes apparently meant to 'trust her instincts' but cool girl alternative talks/mocks her out of them, and the lame coffee line remains open to misinterpretation

Agree with Apollo - much less sexual tension in offering tea

In NI we have had some local ad campaigns along those lines, with some level of success, so this is probably a good idea.

I've seen Samaritans posters for several years now in my local railway station with a message on them about asking where can I get a coffee, and I've always thought it was a strange line to pick, especially in a public transport situation where the obvious small talk would be delays, cancellations, timetables etc.

(But seriously, go do the ZSA online training now, before you scroll and more of mumsnet. Please. https://zsa.frank-cdn.uk/scorm/full-training/story.html)

I was going to look at it but it started off by insisting I answer the question "Do I believe suicide is preventable" with Yes or No before I was allowed to look. What a stupid tactless bloody question. (Sorry)

In a similar situation, if it looked like someone was thinking of suicide, I would tell them about the aftermath for the poor train driver
Jeez, that'll pull them out and make them think twice! Not
WTF
I have in fact stopped people from thinking this is a good way to off themselves by telling them this, though not while they were actively suicidal

Not whilst they were suicidal - yep, not comparable then as really can't see putting that on a potentially suicidal person would make them feel better, probably make them feel even worse if that's possible, and would definitely be likely to "spiral" more!