Sexist and dangerous Samaritans ad

[Meadowbird]

https://twitter.com/samaritans/status/1760599123923722266

A really bizarre ad - encouraging lone women to approach disturbed men on deserted train station platforms and ask them out for a coffee. What could possibly go wrong? They also will become sexier if they do apparently.

Did we just watch the same advert? 😕
She didn't ask him out at all, she asked if he knew where she could get a coffee from.
Small talk to make sure someone's OK.
If it was a person who was in a bad place, it could help "ground" them momentarily and help them, you never know.
Not sure what you mean by sexier, either?!
Nothing at all about that, sorry but what are you on about?

No, it was me who said it. The person you've been replying to?

She looks fine. Everyone looks fine. Nevertheless women buy make-up because looking fine is not good enough for women. Society has higher expectations of women than that. This remains true even if individual women rebel against it.

The made-up version is for added beauty, or even 'desirability'. The added beauty is to communicate that the left-hand version's behaviour is more moral.

Beauty is being equivocated with the personality trait of "proactive about strange men's welfare to one's own potential detriment". It's a bit like the Roald Dahl quote that having nice thoughts makes you a more beautiful person.

Exactly

"Yea I know somewhere let's go"

"Oh ummm I was just asking so I could go alone"

Honestly 🙄

Small talk is "nice weather isn't it?"

That would’ve been ideal - the perfect solution really.

I would see if there were any staff around elsewhere.

What I wouldn't do is approach a disturbed and distressed looking man who is standing close to the edge of the platform, because if he's really disturbed he might push me onto the track.

It's ridiculous that this ad is showing another man, who looks like railway staff, just ignoring the distressed man while the woman, who is just a member of the public, approaches him with a question about coffee which seems like a chat-up line. If she really wanted to know where the nearest cafe was, the obvious person to ask would be the man who worked there.

Actually, one good thing about this whole thread is that it has reminded me to re-start my efforts around suicide prevention at my local spot (which I mentioned upthread).

It has some very old and faded Samaritans signs - even getting these replaced could be a good thing. Or perhaps a motion-sensitive camera.

But consider reading this article if you feel able to do so - it obviously contains some upsetting content but it completely changed my mindset around suicide.

Prevention measures can and do make a difference.

The bold new fight to eradicate suicide | Suicide rates | The Guardian

Yea I know somewhere let's go"

"Oh ummm I was just asking so I could go alone

Well I don't always assume that a person asking me for directions to a place is automatically inviting me to go with them

And if no one intervenes its someone else's fault, which is the underlying message and utter bollocks. Agreed @Megifer

This is, inadvertently perhaps, something that will make those who have lost others to suicide feel guilty or make people start feeling anxious about others.

Instead of the government putting the money and structures in place for more mental health support and trying to create a society that isn’t so detrimental to many peoples mental health, it’s all about having a tea and a chat with a random or a neighbour.

The truth is so many people are frazzled, overworked and struggling in these times. But it’s much cheaper to get us all to run around and try to address some of the symptoms than the root of it.

For instance they could have more staff at railway lines to look out for this sort of thing but it’s much cheaper instead to rope women into talking random men at train stations.

Also many if not most people - especially women - who die by suicide put on a pretty good mask and you won’t see them hovering around the platform edge.

Changing how the woman looked with regards to hair and makeup was unnecessary and manipulative. There are other ways of getting that important message across

Exactly, I’ve seen quite a few videos recently including one in Belgium last month of men shoving women onto the tracks.

The truth is mentally ill men seem to be a greater risk to others than say a mentally ill woman. And most women are not going to have the same strength as the average man so I’d feel more confident approaching a woman who looked distressed but even then I’d take care.

Are you really going to pretend they are the same thing?

Bit of a strange campaign isn't it if its literally "Do you know where I can get a coffee as I sit here waiting for a train I need to catch"

"Oh yea there's a place just round the corner"

"OK ill let you crack on, I hope my nonsensical question as a complete layman has interrupted your thoughts enough to prevent you from doing something drastic that usually requires perfessional intervention. Cheerio!"

I don’t think anyone on here thinks that the woman looks less lovely in either version, that’s not the point.

We are pointing out that the advertisers have made the conscious choice to equate what they see as the ‘better’, more moral, kinder woman with being more stereotypically attractive, confident, wearing makeup, cool clothes and not eating crisps. That’s what’s so infuriating about having the two sides differently styled. I mean, why did they feel the need to give the ‘unkind’ woman a crisp packet??

🎯 this. There’s so many levels to the actor they chose for this. And mind you she’s black but not “too black”

The message is good. Suicides, especially jumpers, are impulsive and can be distracted with small talk for long enough to have second thoughts.

The implementation is terrible, and not just because of the thoughtless use of the support human. The creators seem to have no common sense and no idea of how humans work.

The correct thing to do would have been to signal to hi-viz guy. They're trained for dealing with jumpers.

It's completely wrong to shame women for being unwilling to tackle a potentially dangerous man.

And the way she tackled him was too personal IMO. Maybe better to stand a little way away and facing the same way as him, and start one of those general purpose conversations that people have in public places (about the state of the trains, say) addressed as if to everyone in earshot.

I don't know if I should say this or not (or if MN will take this comment down) but I'm alive right now because of a random person approaching me on a train platform. In my case, I was very unwell and very distressed and an elderly man came up to me to ask for directions in a slightly clumsy way.

And it just threw me out of the really hyped up state I was in - it was just very mundane and ordinary and that was far more effective than anyone making a fuss or someone in uniform approaching me like I'd done something wrong. I sort of tried to answer him, then lost it, burst into tears and ran off and called the Samaritans from a park who persuaded me to call a family member to take me to hospital (where I got admitted to the psych ward). I wonder if my experience/reactions is maybe not that uncommon and that's why the recommendation.

Yeah it’s not unheard of men who commit suicide to be filled with rage at women.

My friends estranged husband tried to boot the door in and physically attack her a couple of hours before he went to his work studio and (sadly) hung himself.

For so many reasons it’s really best they encourage men to support each other in this way.

Men are not emotionally blackmailed in adverts as a rule.

I’m sorry to hear that and pleased to hear you got treatment. Are you male or female if it’s not rude to ask?

Whoever created that ad certainly has no idea of the lived experience of a lot of women. It's a dangerous ad and should be removed.

I'm not sacrificing myself for some random strange man's mental health - I've got children whose mental health could be irrevocably damaged if I was harmed. I've had too many random men trying to attack me for that. Undermining young women's survival instincts is not good. Yes, contacting the man in the high vis is an appropriate reaction - as an employee it's much easier and more natural for him to approach anyway.

And asking about coffee? Yes, a very hard no. Makes me think the people creating the ad are fucking idiots, to be honest.

Asking about where to get coffee is such a weird thing to have run with. It could so easily be misconstrued (or misheard to want a coffee) by a man not in a good place and already angry with a female partner.

@NavyKoala

@NavyKoala thanks for sharing your story

What a ridiculous and dangerous advert. The Samaritans should be thoroughly ashamed

@willWillSmithsmith - I'm a woman but I am not sure that's entirely the point I was trying to make, which is that silly mundane distraction is very powerful.

I understand why some women may not feel as if those interventions are safe or they would feel able to make them and that is fine. We can all only do what we are able to do. But I don't think anyone should say such an intervention would be useless or counterproductive. Very small ordinary interventions from ordinary people can be super powerful and I know other similar stories from my old support group from both men and women who have been suicidal.