Help me navigate this - 6 year old DD saying she wants to be a boy

[LittleRedYoshi]

Recently my 6 year old DD has been spending more time playing with the boys in her class. This has now turned into her saying she wants to be a boy. I think it's about wanting to feel more part of the group, rather than anything to do with gender identity, but I tried explaining that and I don't think she's old enough to grasp the difference. She said that she feels like she likes "boy things" more than she likes "girl things" and I've explained that there aren't girl and boy things - anyone can like anything and being a girl doesn't stop her playing with boys or doing "boy things" (but if we were going to bring gender stereotypes into this, her interests are unicorns, Frozen, dresses, etc!) I think she does at least get that sex is immutable from past conversations we've had.

Not sure whether there's anything else I should be saying or doing or just take it with a pinch of salt and assume it will soon pass. I guess my worry is the risk of this proliferating in a way it wouldn't have done years ago due to modern-day wokeness; when I don't think she actually does want to be a boy!

What "boy" things does she like? Find female role models that do those things for her so she can relate them to girls too. For example mine liked it when I showed her news articles about high ranking female military members as that was her ambition.

I would want to investigate what they are teaching about gender at her school. I would want to know is this an organic thought, or has it been implanted/encouraged/suggested as an option.

Either way, the reality is the same, she can never change sex and needs to be lovingly informed of that reality, so she can get on with living her life as a healthy woman.

But if the school are teaching gender propaganda, I would want to confront the school and possibly/proably move her.

Yeah I had similar with my eldest boy.

Primary school is so heavily gendered, if you're not a close-cropped mini footballer or a pink clad princess it might feel as if you don't fit in.

My boy was really flamboyant, loved his hair long and didn't play football. I shudder to think what might have happened if he'd been at a school which taught gender ideology.

I was lucky that I was able to point to lots of diverse friends and family members to show him there are limitless ways to be a boy or man. And he found his place at school just by being himself.

Good luck.

My 6-year-old boy sometimes says he's a girl or wants to be a girl.
I just ensure he knows he can't change sex and will always be a boy even if he wears a dress or grows his hair. He can wear anything and do anything that girls can do, so I asked what he thought girls could do and he can't, but he didn't know.
I think he's confused about why a boy is a boy.
Even today he mentioned something about having long hair and then there'd be another girl in the family. I just said, no you'd be a boy with long hair. Not making a big thing of it, just consistently correcting it.
I have no idea where this idea comes from as my family aren't exactly the most conforming, I think he just idolises his older sister and wants to be like her.

If one of my dc said this id just say to see how they feel at 18 and if they still feel the same it’s then their choice

Try saying "That's nice, dear, but you're a girl" and encourage her to play with girls as well as the boys

This is spot on.

Also I wanted to be a boy When I was younger, it was mainly as the boy I played with did cool things like scouts and I couldn't as I was a girl (girls where not allowed to join then). Does she want to join a club like beavers or a football team? Show her she can do anything she likes even as a girl.

I also wanted to be a boy at that age, but fortunately nowadays she can join a football team and do any other tradition male activity if she wants. In my young day, women weren't even allowed to train as pilots

When I was about that age all I wanted was to be a boy. I had my hair cut short and played with boys. If we were on holiday boys who didn’t know me would think I was a boy. It probably lasted about a year and was largely fuelled by George in the Famous Five. I’d completely outgrown it by eight or nine and was a girly girl right through my teens and twenties before adopting a bit more feminine sophistication in my thirties. Most of that has departed now I’m a mum but I’m 100% female/feminine/however else you want to describe it. Back then in the 80s transgender wasn’t a thing so DM let me get on with it. Nobody gave any hint there could be a problem with it so it just passed as normal
tomboy antics. Goodness only knows what would have happened to me these days - probably not much as DM thankfully wouldn’t have had any truck with anything more than letting me do my thing until I got bored.

Tell her in no uncertain terms that she's a girl, and always will be.

All you can do at that age is keep an eye on it. Maybe see about finding a football club or something equally 'boyish' for her to get involved with [at such a young age it's all mixed sex]. Give her some input into the clothes she wears, how she wears her hair, and so on.

I was a tom boy as a kid and was adamant i wanted to be a boy. Grew out of it by the time puberty hit

Tell her girls can't be boys, but they can do everything boys can do. And let her play/dress/wear her hair etc as she likes.

Oh yes, that's another thing about child development. Apparently very young children think that if you disguise yourself as the other sex, you actually change sex. Which is another reason not to tell them anything about gender ideology!

Why would you not just tell then the truth? You can't change your gender, whether you're 6 or 18 the reality is the same

Because people need to make their own minds up about something and whether I said that or not they’ll still believe what they want to which is their choice. It’s up to me though whether to support them or not and I wouldn’t be able to condone them having treatment as a child so they’d have to pursue that as an adult

A six year old isn't going to be able to comprehend that. Just keep it simple and tell them the biological reality you can't change sex 🤷🏻‍♀️.
If they told you they wanted to be a zebra would you say "you can be a zebra you just have to wait 12 more years"

My DD was the same. I just said you aren’t. She quickly changed her tune when she got older and had girls as friends.

I probably would ! In a ‘that’s nice when you’re an adult maybe you can ‘ making too much of it and trying to explain the whole concept to a child isn’t worth it - i think over recaching and over explains just severs to make it more of an issue. It’s not possible and with time I’d hope most would realise . If they still feel that way as an adult then it’s up to them what they do

If she likes football / cricket etc can you sign her up for mixed sex football / sports classes?

Just keep it simple.

Tell her that she can’t be a boy because she’s a girl. Tell her that girls can’t turn into boys, and boys can’t turn into girls.

Just like how a cat can’t turn into a dog or a horse can’t turn into a cow.

And reinforce that it’s absolutely okay for her to be a girl and still enjoy doing things that the boys do.

I keep it simple being a boy means having a penis being a girl means having a vagina. Always told my kids that's the difference between a boy and a girl. Other stuff is just hobbies and preferences.
At six it doesn't have to be a big thing. If they were 12 and they'd been influenced by friends/something they'd heard somewhere I'd probably do the same as you though

I'd tell her all the great things about being a girl. I'd tell her that some people believe you can change sex, (even some teachers!), just like some people believe in religion. I'd tell her that your family doesn't believe that. Tell her about being a Tomboy. Teach her the proper names for other female animals. x

If you’d have asked me age 6-10 I’d have said I’d want to be a boy.

40, straight, still female.

I wouldn’t make a big deal tbh

Yes that’s good advice. It is hard with so much conflicting advice out there for kids it’s sad in a way for them , facts are facts for the most part so they trust what they are taught but then they also get taught or exposed to things which just aren’t factually correct and it must be so confusing

Who put the notion in her head that she has any choice in what sex she is?