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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

ResisterRex · 13/08/2023 12:04

YouJustDoYou · 13/08/2023 11:24

My mum laughed when she was wasted once and I asked her to please just stop with my step dad because we (my little brother and I) were trying to sleep and we couldn't sleep through their sex noises. They carried on with it all in the dark (we were in a hotel), so got my brother and all our duvets etc and moved us into the bathroom. I made him a little bed in the bathtub and I slept on the floor.

This is awful

bellac11 · 13/08/2023 12:36

I think whether its crime or not is a bit of a red herring. It certainly can be abusive whether or not that meets the threshold for the specific crime

There are plenty of families we work with whereby the child is exhibiting sexualised behaviour toward themselves or other children/adults, at this point there is often exploration of whether the child has witnessed sexual behaviour at home/been abused. Quite often the child has been exposed to the adults having sex,, not caring if the child is in the room, or seeing sexual behaviour online/on screen/hearing language about it. Its normal for people to wake up during sleep, or at least absorb what is going on around them while asleep so the child is being exposed.

So whether or not a prosecution comes from that (extremely rare), it is abusive.

FrancescaContini · 13/08/2023 13:18

YouJustDoYou · 13/08/2023 11:24

My mum laughed when she was wasted once and I asked her to please just stop with my step dad because we (my little brother and I) were trying to sleep and we couldn't sleep through their sex noises. They carried on with it all in the dark (we were in a hotel), so got my brother and all our duvets etc and moved us into the bathroom. I made him a little bed in the bathtub and I slept on the floor.

So sorry for you as a small child 😢

Woman2023 · 13/08/2023 13:23

Oh god that's just reminded me of a child I babysat for once when I was 19. The mum had two kids (about 8 and 6) and was single. She really loved having loud sex and didn't care if who heard. The daughter had huge behavioural problems.

My friends just thought she was a modern woman living her best life.

DatumTarum · 13/08/2023 13:24

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 09:58

I'm going to buck the trend here. Plenty of parents go on holiday and share an hotel room with a child too youg to have a room of their own. So, sometimes, when a child is asleep, sex may happen.

Only if you're down right weird

Clymene · 13/08/2023 13:34

YouJustDoYou · 13/08/2023 11:24

My mum laughed when she was wasted once and I asked her to please just stop with my step dad because we (my little brother and I) were trying to sleep and we couldn't sleep through their sex noises. They carried on with it all in the dark (we were in a hotel), so got my brother and all our duvets etc and moved us into the bathroom. I made him a little bed in the bathtub and I slept on the floor.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. that's really awful.

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 16:13

I stand my my comments. This is a first world issue. There is many families that do not have the benefit of additional rooms. In fact there is many a child in the world today who would not have been born.

Parents having discreet sex while a child is fast asleep in the same holiday hotel room is not going to do any harm and happens with many a holidaying family. I agree that if you start drawing vibrators and the like into the equation is another matter.

MoltenLasagne · 13/08/2023 16:31

Yes it is a first world issue. Sadly one issue for young girls in developing countries is the sharing of beds and bedrooms provides increased opportunity for abuse by family members.

Personally if the situation itself wasn't worrying enough, the way they both go out of their way to talk about it makes me think they're getting a kick out of people reading about it too.

Boiledbeetle · 13/08/2023 16:40

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 16:13

I stand my my comments. This is a first world issue. There is many families that do not have the benefit of additional rooms. In fact there is many a child in the world today who would not have been born.

Parents having discreet sex while a child is fast asleep in the same holiday hotel room is not going to do any harm and happens with many a holidaying family. I agree that if you start drawing vibrators and the like into the equation is another matter.

Again, why can't you have the discreet sex in the bathroom whilst your kid sleeps in the bedroom? Why when you have the ability to have if in a different room don't you take it? Or you know, Just forgo the sex whilst the child is sharing a room?

Clymene · 13/08/2023 16:40

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 16:13

I stand my my comments. This is a first world issue. There is many families that do not have the benefit of additional rooms. In fact there is many a child in the world today who would not have been born.

Parents having discreet sex while a child is fast asleep in the same holiday hotel room is not going to do any harm and happens with many a holidaying family. I agree that if you start drawing vibrators and the like into the equation is another matter.

It is a first world issue - like clean water, sanitation and access to education. It doesn't mean it's unimportant. And it seems particularly crass to double down after someone has shared their childhood trauma of being exposed to a parent having sex at close range.

allhellcantstopusnow · 13/08/2023 16:42

It doesn't say that they have sex in the room with their child. They say it's logistically more complicated, which would imply they have to do it outside of 'the norm' which would be their bedroom.

Based on just this article, there are a lot of over reactions and disgusting accusations on this thread.

BCBird · 13/08/2023 16:43

Wtf. I not reading it as it will incense me.

allhellcantstopusnow · 13/08/2023 16:43

Oh hang on, a pop up blocked the last paragraph.

That wasn't a good comment re the vibrator. Good lord 🤦🏼‍♀️

ArabeIIaScott · 13/08/2023 17:14

Daftmum47 · 13/08/2023 00:36

This article is shocking.

About 6 weeks ago I cancelled my subscription and member services to the Guardian.

It was very cathartic telling them that no, it wasn’t the cost of living, but yes, it was 100% down to their editorial line.

The guy on the call said they’d been receiving a few cancellations from women on the grounds of the paper’s stance on women’s rights.

No shit. I cancelled about 5 or 6 years ago. That paper makes me rage. I used to enjoy it, but I can't shake the feeling it's written by dead eyed hipsters with degrees in smuggery.

Clymene · 13/08/2023 17:18

allhellcantstopusnow · 13/08/2023 16:42

It doesn't say that they have sex in the room with their child. They say it's logistically more complicated, which would imply they have to do it outside of 'the norm' which would be their bedroom.

Based on just this article, there are a lot of over reactions and disgusting accusations on this thread.

What do you think the final paragraph means?

We plan to buy a vibrator, which should provide a bit of novelty with minimal effort. We’ve actually joked that the sound of the vibrator will make our son sleep more deeply. It will be like a cheap white-noise machine.

If they're having sex on the sofa, why will the vibrator make their son sleep more deeply? Confused

RoyalCorgi · 13/08/2023 17:57

The whole thing is a bit weird. I accept that years ago, it must have been very very common amongst working-class families for the parents to have sex while there were children in the room. You'd have these enormous families of six, eight or ten children, and only two bedrooms - so it was inevitable (unless you abstained altogether).

I find it strange that a modern-day couple with only one child have to do this, though. Perhaps they just have the one bedroom, but when you have an eight-year old child, you might expect them to give him a sofa bed in the living room.

But I tell you what's really odd - the whole bloody idea of this series. It entails a couple agreeing to be interviewed individually by a journalist about their sex life, to be published in a national newspaper. What normal person does that? What normal newspaper publishes it?

F0RBIDDEN · 13/08/2023 17:59

But I tell you what's really odd - the whole bloody idea of this series. It entails a couple agreeing to be interviewed individually by a journalist about their sex life, to be published in a national newspaper. What normal person does that? What normal newspaper publishes it?

The thing is people read it, it's often in the most read articles. People are interested in other peoples sex lives. They just are.

BreadInCaptivity · 13/08/2023 18:06

allhellcantstopusnow · 13/08/2023 16:42

It doesn't say that they have sex in the room with their child. They say it's logistically more complicated, which would imply they have to do it outside of 'the norm' which would be their bedroom.

Based on just this article, there are a lot of over reactions and disgusting accusations on this thread.

The father talks about the sound of a vibrator being akin to white noise that will make his son sleep better.

I think you ought to read the article before telling everyone off for clutching at their pearls.

StarlightLady · 13/08/2023 18:07

@F0RBIDDEN - I haven't agreed with all people on this thread by any means, but on this point I am with you 100%. Whenever I see so called sureveys on so many things, I always think noboday asked me.

And yes, this does seem very odd.

Musomama1 · 13/08/2023 18:16

I can understand if the child is a tiny baby and it's the very early days / co sleeping and all that, but an 8 year old? This is a little person who could easily wake up and overhear and are probably highly unlikely to mention it and keep it all in. It's also a bit weird if you have an alternative.

I'm going to bet money that this family don't live in a studio flat and have a living room. Do it there for goodness sake. Tmi - but this is what we do as we have a similar room sharing situation. It's not ideal but the other scenario is a firm no.

AnnaTortoiseshell · 13/08/2023 18:21

This is horrifying. I have written a complaint, and I never bother to do that kind of thing. That poor child.

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 13/08/2023 18:52

Sorry haven't RTWT yet but aside from troubling aspect already discussed, why on earth does the Guardian feel the need to make this a regular feature? 'This is how we do it'? Nope.

I consider myself fairly sex positive (!) but reading about the weird/awkward sex lives of strangers is just grim. I don't want to know the details, I'm not a voyeur 😩

Aside from the subject of having a child in the room, both these adults give me the absolute creeps. I had a partner who used to pester me for sex and it was the least attractive thing ever. Also pestering re. orgasm even though I'd repeatedly explained nicely that it didn't always happen and it wasn't personal. The guy in this column reminded me of that on both counts nevermind the rest of it. She sounds peculiar too.

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 13/08/2023 18:59

ETA Just caught up...

Daftmum47 · 13/08/2023 20:55

@RoyalCorgi @GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat

I agree. It’s a weird column series. And I thought it was always made up (maybe because of the 70-somethings etc having way more sex than me, happy polyamory, etc), but who would make up this?

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 13/08/2023 21:02

I was trying to decide if I was being hypocritical. I don't mind reading about sex in the context of a novel, agony aunt, amusing anecdote etc. This feature is none of those things, it's insufferably earnest mixed with exhibitionism mixed with dullness.

As you say are that many people really writing in? They do sound a little implausible and fabricated.