Do any of you feel safer as an older woman than when you were young?

[Appalonia]

I'd always dreaded getting older when I was young, but now I am (58), it's so much better than I thought it would be. I really don't miss the random, vulgar comments from men, e.g. "Look at the t*ts on that" etc. I also feel a lot safer just walking around, and I like feeling confident and feeling that I'm more likely to be taken seriously ( despite the 'Karen' bullshit that is thrown at us)

Just wondered if this resonated with anyone else, or any experience s pp we like to share about this?

Yes I agree OP. I’m 56 and don’t give a shite and don’t have the same fear.

Yes, it is great to not be the subject of unwanted male attention at this age. I suspect that if and when I get to 70 (fingers crossd and god willing), I will get fearful because I am more frail and cannot run away or fight back.

No, I can't say I feel any more safer than when I was younger. However, I do feel more confident and assertive. I'm more likely to tell them to fuck off if they say "smile, it might never happen". That phrase is what I've been harassed with most of my life, since I was about thirteen.

Not sure. When I was in my 20s I wasn't scared... I perceived male aggression as welcome attention. And well into my thirties. I still get attention in my 40s but see it for whati it is.

I was oblivious as a teen /younger woman. So I probably felt safer then tbh than I do now at 42

I’m in my 40s and I feel far more confident in telling men and their unwanted attention/harassment to fuck off than I did in my 20s or 30s. I have SO fewer fucks to give these days.

With age also comes a bit of seniority and I was recently able to use that to stand up on behalf of a younger woman who felt she hadn’t been able to speak up.

So yeah, being older definitely has its advantages!

To get honest I felt safer when I was younger and probably more of a target, mostly as I just feel much more aware of risk now. I was pretty drunk gung ho / blasé as a younger woman and took risks that I would never take nowadays.

I was quite happy with unsolicited male attention to be honest and equally (perhaps misguidedly) felt well able to handle scrapes.

I don’t feel scared exactly now (and I’m late 30s so hardly ancient), however I suppose I am probably more realistic in that my confidence came from blind luck at not having any bad experiences more than anything else.

I do feel more confident in handling everyday situations though and am less of a second-guessing people pleaser, which is great. It is liberating also to not feel arsed about validation from men anymore and realising that caring soo much is all just a phase during the years when everyone’s biologically programmed to mate 😂

Yep 👆

Me too. I sometimes enjoyed the attention when I was in my 20s and it made me feel almost powerful if that makes sense. By my 30s I found it disrespectful because I was settled with Dh and not interested.
Now I’m 49 and get none of it, I walked round town with my attractive younger colleague recently and noticed how she was getting leared at and I found it quite oppressive and depressing really to see how men just value women for their aesthetics.
That said, I was in town with my elderly auntie today and she was very happily ogling all the topless young men so at least it can be reciprocal 🤣

I didn't feel unsafe when I was younger and I don't now. I mean I wouldn't go to the park where the drug addicts hang out at 1 am or something but I have always got on with my life. I've also not really had problems with harassment or unwanted attention other than one incident at school which was in true 80s style just laughed off as boys being boys. Maybe not being good looking does have something going for it after all.

No, not really. I decided not to be scared of stuff when I was probably about 20. Which is to say, regular stuff like walking around downtown at night. If someone were to accost me, which has happened on occasion, that is certainly disconcerting and scary.

I suppose it's more reflexive now, I don't really even think of it much. But that's due to long practice rather than me growing older in a direct way.

The risks increase again in those elderly years I think. The really cowardly types will target elderly women living alone.

I don’t see 70 as elderly though (before anyone jumps on me). I was thinking more 80+.

It is v funny to think that when I was a kid 65 was classed as elderly!

Yes. I'm in my 50s. When I was younger I was told to be fearful , don't walk home by myself , etc etc. Now I have a sense of proportion, walk home by myself late at night and I feel free

Well Eva Longoria - who is 48 wasn't exactly safe last night, when Biden tried to grope her breasts - in front of camera's. I'm not as polite as her - I would have slapped him across the face

No. When I think of things I did (from niave-ity) and being much fitter I cringe a bit. I do think that bad social behaviour was tolerated less so physically rarely felt unsafe.

Yup, I feel much less visible, and therefore much safer. I do quite a lot of travel around Europe by myself, and there was a point when the male gaze just passed over me and I realised how brilliant that was! Older women are virtually invisible in many ways, and this is one of the more useful ones!

I’ve never worried about it at any age

I would agree with this.
When I think back to some of the the choices I made as a 22 year old I’m a bit horrified- walking home across central liverpool at 2am, drunkish and alone without a care in the world!
I have to say I’ve been lucky overall that I’ve very rarely felt unsafe whilst out and about at any age. But I’m definitely more aware than I was as a younger person.

Hmm, not exactly safer - I'm conscious that I'm absolutely worth mugging for my credit card. (Presumably I could also be forced to divulge the number?...)

But, as others have said, it's almost a relief to be freed from the constant sexual harassment, comments about breasts etc.

I walked across London a week ago, and zero men tried to hit on me. It's almost like a switch has been flicked to the Off position, from available to invisible. What a relief.

This is how I feel. From a very young age I was harassed and assaulted more times than I could remember. Now I can exist without feeling the eyes on me wherever I went. It’s really nice to be able to chat with people I encounter without the wariness that I had to have as a young woman and girl. Ageing out of the range of desirable to creeps is a blessing.

I feel much less safe because I have much greater awareness. As a teen in the summer I'd walk home across cities at 2 in the morning to save money after going clubbing without a second thought. I loved the quiet and the cool air. I miss that reckless/fearlessness I had when I was young even if it was just naivety.

I started feeling much less carefree after I had DC (early 30s) as it felt like in addition to having to try and stay safe myself as an individual, l now had to keep their mother safe, if that makes sense. However, now in my early 40s I am happily invisible to men as I walk down the street and I love that feeling. As a PP has said, I also feel much more able to step in and help/defend younger women/girls from creepy men, which I’ve had to do a couple of times. Maternal instinct has definitely helped with that.

When l was younger l felt invincible. Now l am older and wiser. I am sensible but don't have an excessive fear. I'm 54 , in good shape still and quite enjoy some of the flirtatious banter, its always done in a respectful way. ( l work in a busy store). I have experienced some negative behaviour from males over the years but I've never allowed it to make me bitter, resentful or hatred of the whole male population as a whole, because that would only affect me and not them. I am enjoying this stage of life as l just feel more comfortable all round.