Called a Terf

[Knowitsinappropriate]

I was called a terf and alienated by the student body in relation to my studies (postgrad) because I had a coffee with someone who unrelated to our coffee chat happens to be struggling with coming to terms with her natal son declaring themselves trans. She has said quite openly she fully accepts her child’s choices but finds it hard to comprehend and gets stuck with pronouns etc.

I’m now guilty by association and I’ve lost friends who unquestioningly accept I’m a terf without so much as asking me. When I asked where this came from, it seems
someone had seen us together laughing and it has spread this nasty rumour.

I’ve said or done nothing to suggest I’m transphobic in my time at the university.

I don’t expect there will be many students here but maybe some lecturers who may have an idea of how to deal with this. Without being able to speak with and work alongside my colleagues - it requires a lot of group work, I’m going to struggle to complete my masters.

How can they not realise it's just book burning and witch hunting?

The experience has left me feeling little hope for the future as these 18-24 year olds have no critical thinking skills, no reasoning, compromise skills, nor debate skills.

Sadly as someone who also works with this age group I completely agree. Terribly sad as university did not used to be like this.

If it really will negatively affect your studies consider a transfer and/or lodge a complaint asap as gender critical views are protected under the EQ10 and your university has a duty to ensure your studies aren’t negatively affected by other people’s intolerance (same as they would if you were being ostracised for religious beliefs).

I agree with this. To this end, start writing down any comments/incidents so you can present them if necessary.

But they sound like a load of nasty bullies, just out looking for trouble. Don't they have anything better to do? Sympathies.

Yes, of course many lecturers are TWAW but they have professional responsibilities and a duty of care. Remind them of this.

No university wants to have a Stock-style scandal on their hands. It’s really not good PR.

Good post!

My daughter fairly recently was studying for a PGCE, as a mature student. Most of the other students were a lot younger. They're were traiining to be English teachers. My daughter is very much rejecting of gender ideology, although not quite as outspoken as me, but even then some critical comments she made regarding the incessant and destructive use of intersectionalist readings of literary texts, drew immediate and hostile response from some of the younger women - who immediately classified her as a bit of a dangerous terf and then continued to look at her with suspicion.

She largely managed to ignore them for the remainder of her time, instead making connections with some other more mature students with varied and interesting life experiences.

We have enabled a generation of young people to defer to others when trying to form a view-point. The boundaries of permissible thought and association are rigidly demarcated and anyone who over-steps the proscriptions is cast out. It must be difficult, especially if you have always been accepted as part of the in group - but like Kitten is saying, it will most likley recde with time. Don't try to justify yourself. It will be pointless.

It occurred to me that you could report them all for transphobia. This woman disclosed that her child is trans and now they won't speak to her. They are clearly shockingly prejudiced and bigoted.

I'm really sorry this has happened. You have done nothing wrong, they are wrong as well as nasty.

I agree with everyone who has said keep records, keep a paper trail when you can by printing out anything you can.

If you have a face to face meeting keep notes, get the person you are meeting with to countersign them at the end of the meeting, photograph them immediately to get a datestamp, and print that image too.

If you get labelled a 'difficult woman', wear it with pride.

Thank you all for your responses and support. It was a bit awkward today but I asked one of the more sociable younger students what I had done to offend everyone and they ummed and aaahed and muttered so and so said something but I’m not too clear what complete with shoe gazing and embarrassed face.

So and so wasn’t in today so I can’t go to them outright and ask but I do feel slightly empowered by your comments. I’m not transphobic by what I’d consider a rational definition but from having been reading this board I see anything other than full compliance with ever changing and often un-discussed boundaries makes me a terf.

It is hurtful. It has the potential to make my future career very difficult. It is also lies and I’m going to follow advice from people here about recording the issues and conversations and gathering evidence.

Welcome to FWR! Wear your TERF badge with pride.

I’ve been ostracised by some I’m a group for my terrible views on pronouns (being that I don’t use them and don’t agree with requirements to state them). The backlash against me was absolutely horrible, I lost friends and I was genuinely upset about it for quite some time. I was told just my presence was “harmful” to others’ mental health - no-one gave a fuck about MY mental health as they either openly bullied or stood by silently while it happened.

Hold your head up high, slap on a firm smile and confound them by carrying on being the nice person you were before. The tide is turning.

You're not alone in experiencing this - www.gcacademianetwork.org/

Another uni lecturer here. Exactly this. If no joy with your department there will be a student complaint process . Make sure everything is documented.

These people aren’t sane.

A friend who is a senior academic involved in a sport is dealing with an issue whereby a volunteer helper is being thrown out due to one mildly injudicious (and incidentally accurate and relevant) comment about some team members.

From the youth side there is no mercy. Three words have been enough to wipe out literally years of unpaid service from the older person. I've read an article written by one of the young leaders on The Current Issue in women's sport and it was naturally all balls. I do wonder what it's like to live in the world they are enthusiastically creating.

That’s infuriating, Perm good, reliable, experienced volunteer staff are the only reason that great swathes of small charities and grassroots orgs/ sports teams/ drama & music groups exist at all.

The cancellers will not take up the sacked volunteers tasks, not in the long term and certainly not for free.

There will be nothing left if we don’t start telling the crybullies to back off.

I do wonder what it's like to live in the world they are enthusiastically creating

I do wonder if they realise that the revolution they no doubt think they're creating won't stand still, because revolutions never do. One day it'll be another turn and it'll be them being crushed and cancelled and vilified.

@Knowitsinappropriate There are a lot (and growing number) of sensible adults that stand with you.

The idiots that behave like this appear to be stuck at toddler stage. All this gender nonsense appears to be breeding a group of narcissistic self centred jellyfish who need some therapy or safe space if someone has a different opinion to their gender crap. They are being encourage in their self entitlement by each other and some very stupid parents who think affirming this is the way forward.