Chucked out of FB group - Host a Sister

[Patty2012]

So, I got kicked out of a FB group today. It's called 'Host a Sister'. It's basically couch-surfing for women, but it's also something that's been used by women fleeing war-torn areas or domestic violence. The whole group is intended to be a safe space for women who travel and who would like to be hosted by other women - for obvious reasons.
A "queer, non-binary" couple - one woman, one man - otherwise known as a straight couple - were looking for somewhere to stay in Amsterdam. they looked pretty alternative and explained they were into the party scene. They came across as decent people. There must have been a few comments about one of them being a man though because the admin complained about how mean people were being, how offensive and how it was supposed to be an inclusive group and a safe space for women to travel. Hundreds and hundreds of women in the group agreed with the admin. And I just don't get it. So, I said so. And boom! Kicked out.
How can these women not see it? How can they not see that predatory men need only say they're trans or non-binary to gain access to their homes? Or that they could be travelling and end up being tricked into staying in a man's house. This is why the group was created in the first place! I don't understand it. And there's no debate. I raised a concern and was ousted from the group. Why can't we just talk about it? Why don't those women know what the word "sister" means? Where are we going with this? It feels like the battle is already lost.
AND - this is turning into a waffling rant - a few weeks ago, someone who I considered a very close friend - a man - texted me to ask me why I seemed to be so obsessed with women who have penises these days. I just replied, "There's no such thing as a woman with a penis" and he hasn't spoken to me since. We're CLOSE friends. And it's over. He's a big leftie - as am I - but doesn't seem to have put any thought into this. He just sees me as being unkind. I don't know what to do about it. Why would I suddenly be unkind? He KNOWS me. He KNOWS I'm not unkind.

NS has made that mistake of putting herself in a position where she actually has to talk about it, the whole thing has crumbled on prime time news!

Hang on - I'm in that group and saw that post and yes you were totally in the wrong. I've just had a look at the group again and there have been 5 requests for hosting that include women and their male partners in the past 1 hour, it's a normal, accepted part of the group. Why are not commenting on their posts instead? The couple in question were really nice, and stated that yes they'd be up for a party but are also 100% ok with keeping to themselves if that's what the host prefers. They said they'd be out for the majority of the day, every day, and only needed accommodation at night. You're kind of twisting this one, sorry.

Also, people weren't being mean because "there was a man" but because they were claiming to have no idea what "non-binary" or "queer" meant and were taking the piss out of them. You'd be right if it was solely for women, but this one clearly isn't given the number of hosts who accept men and the number of people who advertise that there's a man in their group, despite the name "host a sister".

@Lheuredubebe what does 'up for a party' mean? Is it just being sociable or something else like swinging?
Do you know the couple in question to say that they are 'really nice'?

Here's exactly what they said "We are going to be away all day, we will barely be at home, we just need a safe place to spend the night, and not freeze outside! We are both extroverted, love meeting new people and hanging out with them, love parties and interesting events, and aside from a host we would like to make friends we can talk to and have fun with. Of course, if that's not something you are interested in, we can be very discreet and just sleep and leave without bothering you more than we absolutely need to."

Not unlike every other post on the group, where people explain their likes/dislikes, personality type etc so they can "match" with someone similar with who they'll get on. On a group where it states nowhere at all, not even in the rules, that it's exclusively for women. Their interaction was respectful and kind. I'd get the OPs point if it was women only, but it isn't and they didn't feel the need to comment on any of the other posts including men, so...

I’m an old cynic - and the “have fun with” is setting off alarm bells for me.

Host a sister? Absolutely. Host your sex-pest boyfriend? Nah.

Hang on. So a straight couple who 'like a party' had the piss ripped out of them because they self define as queer?

I understand where you're coming from, but the majority of posts on that group say similar, whether it includes men or not. It's to differentiate the different types of hosts/guests - some want peace and quiet, and others want to socialise. It's 100% normal.

Here's what they actually said: "We are both extroverted, love meeting new people and hanging out with them, love parties and interesting events," , people were taking the piss because "queer isn't a thing" etc. It's literally in the group rules to not bully/shame.

All the make up and surgery in the world might make me look a bit more like a 24 year old than I do now but I can never actually be one.
Seeing a pattern here?

The Amsterdam one is the couple the OP refers to. The other two are random posts within the group that are similar. One by a lone woman, the other by a straight couple.

Ha.

Damn right.

Perhaps your friend has given it a lot of thought, sees the anti-trans rhetoric as prejudice and doesn’t want to engage? Just like you wouldn’t engage in debate with someone who holds racist views?

Have gone back and read the first page of the thread. This is from the admin 16h ago, mentioning men are allowed. It's not exclusively for women.

Or perhaps penis-people stick up for other penis-people.

IS pro-female anti-trans? 🤔🧐

What an utter shit show of a disappointment that group is!

Why can’t women have our own stuff anymore?
Or at the very least, why can’t groups have names that make their mixed-sex membership clear?

It’s all bullshit. I’m sick of it. It’s time to take our stuff back and tell the ball-sac-carriers to cock off.

@ShireWifeofNigelFarage
👏👏👏

I mean no one has to join, if someone wants a woman exclusive group then there's plenty out there, I'm a member of many. Some groups include men, some don't. This one does 🤷🏻‍♀️

It needs a rebrand. I’m going to suggest…

’Host A Sister… you might get a Mister! And fuck off and make your own group if you don’t like our dick-pandering rules’

Are the men in the group allowed to host too?
Seems a bit… fucking dodgy?

Maybe the group need to rebrand to just couch surfing type travel if it’s not actually about women keeping each other safe

This group is putting women in danger. They need to make it clear in big letters that any woman using the group could find herself hosting a strange man or being hosted by one, not just that but the kind of man who has deliberately targeted a women-only group. They should be forced to make that clear and to change the name.

I know two women who were raped while using a scheme where travellers could stay with local families. These things do happen.

Airbnb has dedicated black ops teams to help minimise media exposure when rapes, murders and other crimes occur.

I don't really agree, but I do get your point. Before you join any group on Facebook you have to read and agree to the rules and nowhere in the rules does it state that it's woman-only, despite the name being "host a sister" (yes, the name could be better, I agree!). As far as I understand, they don't accept men as part of the group, but men can be hosted (so women post that they're travelling with their male friend/partner) but I could be wrong. Any type of Couchsurfing app/website/community can be dangerous for women, so precautions should be taken regardless and there are definitely Women Only groups for this type of thing that do make it clear from the get-go, this group just isn't one of them.

So they didn't mention 'queer' at all? So where did that come from?

Ah! I didn't read the rules of the group. I took "Host a Sister" to mean just that. I've been chucked out anyway. The other posts with men in them didn't show up in my feed. Perhaps this one did because it had so many comments. I don't know how the algorithms work. I think I'd have said something if I'd seen the other posts as well. I ran a wellness club for women last year. A man complained that it was sexist. Not a queer man or a trans woman or a non-binary AMAB person. He was an old fella with a tash. I told him where to go. I said we were talking about our menopauses and periods and I didn't think it was the right place for him, but that he could run a wellness club for men from the same venue - a venue I manage and that I'd help him set it up. When I take part in women's groups, or I'm in women's spaces, I often think about a couple of friends of mine who have had very bad experiences with men. I know these two women would feel vulnerable in the presence of a man. So, they're who I keep in mind when I attempt to do my bit to safeguard women's spaces. Them and my five-year-old daughter who could grow up thinking all this utter bullshit is normal.