If your husband joked you were ‘nattering too much'

[AshTreesEverywhere]

Would you think this is an example of sexism?

No, not at all. I might find some other people to talk to, though. Men aren't interested in chit-chat

Need more context.

The context is a husband saying to his wife that she is nattering too much.

Is this about the Prince & Princess of Wales on the food bank visit? If so, it was surely just a jokey nudge to move on so they could stick to a pre-arranged timetable.

The husband is guilty of thinking he can speak freely to his wife in a jokey manner as he would to a close friend or mate, rather than an acquaintance who analyzes his every word searching for something to be offended by. The mad fool.

I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion, no.

’Nattering’ is one of those words that probably was a bit sexist once upon a time (what’s the etymology of it?) but nowadays it seems to be used in a fairly even way to describe anyone, male or female, having a pleasant, friendly discussion that is a bit more involved/enthusiastic than a mere ‘chat’.

The last time I had a really good natter it was on the doorstep with my regular (male) postie.

Sad to see you all endorsing sexism and even in one case posting sexist comments. Feminism! Pah!

I really like the word "natter" - it's what you do over the garden fence, male or female. It's not like he's put her in a scold's bridle.

Yes, but, bluntly, how reasonable is this? Is the husband trying to concentrate on a task and has already asked his wife if she'd mind waiting till he'd finished before talking? Is the wife interrupting and dominating a conversation, not allowing others to get a word in?

Or has it been said in the context of a normal conversation she was having with him and/or others?

Please share your reasoning for why you believe that a man saying his wife is ‘nattering too much’ is being sexist, rather than time conscious and trying to speed things along in a jokey and informal manner?

This is a discussion forum, you’ve brought the topic to us, do you want discuss it or was this just some sort of purity test?

Actively looking for offence in really rather benign interactions is bad for one’s mental health, imo.

Quite! How many times have people posted about trying to wfh or do a task that requires concentration and someone is just talking at them! Thats how i would take this, its not actually a conversation, it's the natterer just wanting to dominate and talk AT someone!

some context: William and Kate are at a food bank in Windsor, where they're put into the usual artificial 'tasks' running alongside each other so they can engage with the maximum number of volunteers in the time available. Yes, it is like a weird Royal version of The Generation Game. William is on food parcels; Kate is on tins and pasta. Time is obviously running on and Kate is chatting to the tins volunteers who obvs want to tell her all about the food bank, so William hurries them up by jovially announcing that there's 'too much nattering going on!' and they need to speed up. Assembled press seize on this 'adorable' casual exchange between the married couple from Berkshire, 41 and 40.

That's it. He didn't bellow, 'Shut up with your incessant nattering, you flloish woman'. Meanwhile food bank volunteers go home and tell their family they 'nattered' with the Princess of Wales.

Oh, I see. Well, W & K are both totally unreasonable for being sponging layabouts. If the food bank wanted them there, fair enough, but personally, if I even had the effrontery to show my face in a food bank after spending £176,000 on clothes last year, I'd be keeping my mouth firmly shut. William and Kate are not fit to lick the boots of people who volunteer in food banks.

Would he same the same to a male friend/colleague/brother etc? I find "natter" is usually only used towards women, and usually in the context that what they have to say is trivial nonsense. I know that some people use it to just mean "chat", though.

And as for sexism, Kate has willingly married into one of the most sexist institutions in the country; I can only imagine she feels that being able to lavish herself in fripperies while patronising people who can't afford food makes it all worthwhile.

You’d have to give a context.

I would use nattering to mean chatting and would apply it to either sex, so as a word it isn’t intrinsically sexist no. It’s not intrinsically negative either. A good natter is a good thing.

If this is the context thing it appears that W was being jovial. So er, I’m not seeing the problem.

This particular food bank are ‘completely reliant’ on donations ‘from individuals, business and local retail outlets’ according to Hello! so they probably did request the K&W visit for visibility/profile raising purposes? It’s an effective way to get your charity name in the papers.

www.hellomagazine.com/royalty/20230126162737/prince-william-kate-middleton-volunteer-windsor-food-bank/

Kate reportedly responded by making fun of William’s trolley-loading skills and he accepted her critique, so I’m utterly unconvinced that William’s accusation of ‘too much nattering’ got anywhere remotely close to LTB territory.

Maybe.

But maybe the problem is that he doesn't show that he's heard. They talk about bids of communication in relationships and the talker wants a demonstration that their partner hears.

This is a v common dynamic tho. I see it at work too.

The natterer natters more because the other person gives so little indication that they've heard. No reaction at all sometimes. I think a nod or a yeh or a shoulder crunch would actually wind down the chatter.

From a husband with no history of sexism, who treats his wife like an equal... no, I would assume it was something he might say to someone of either sex. Otherwise yes, I'd say it was a reasonably good bet that a man who said that to his wife was at least a bit of a sexist.

Would “chatting” instead of nattering have been OK, or is the accusation of frivolous conversation that is sexiest, on the grounds that it perpetuates the idea that women must be talking about frivolous stuff and should STFU and get on with work.

If the former I can’t say that I would assume a man could not join a “knit and matter” group, it’s not an inherently feminine word to me.

The other day a male colleague described another male as “hysterical” (not to his face, and not in the “hilarious” sense). I enjoyed that.

This. 100% this.

If “natter” is feminine, I’m surprised that the brand name Twitter was not rejected on the grounds that it sounded like it was only for women (or frivolity).

Oh right, William said it to Kate!
Ignore me.
Just trying to joke with the volunteers