I am a woman! Please remind me how

[Booblessbeauty]

I have a genetic form of cancer which means female body parts have been removed and female hormones suppressed. So I have had a full hysterectomy, including cervix, ovaries, etc. ANd a radical double mastectomy. And will be taking tablets to suppress female hormones for the rest of my life. O yes, and I am bald because of chemo. And I often wear mens clothes. They are practical and cheap

So. please confirm for me what makes me a woman.

I do have my own little list, which I will post shortly, but I would like to hear your ideas first

I am not fragile, in any way, so you are very welcome to be as honest as you want

You are a woman and come from a long line of women who have given birth. You could never father a child. Socially, your parents, friends and wider society would have assumed or discussed that you would or wouldn't be a mother one day. I'm sorry to hear that your cancer will have removed choice from your lifetime but you are still one of us and we have more in common than not.
I hope society has been kind and that you are kind to yourself. It's amazing being a woman, I hope you are proud of yourself and that are enjoying life because there are so many different paths we can take.

Thank you for all your contributions

This is my list, it isn't comprehensive, its something I have just been thinking over for the last hour or so.

And of course, you can still be a woman, without the things on my list. And you can experience some of these things without being a woman, but its a collection of life experiences and biological experiences, taken altogether

• I am genetically XX

• I have experienced menstruation
• I have experienced pregnancy
• I have experienced miscarriage
• I have experienced child birth
• I have experienced breast feeding
• I have experienced menopause

• I had my career choices restricted by being female
• I have had my career progression disrupted by maternity leave and arranging working hours around child care

• I need only a female calorie intake
• I have female fat distribution
• I have female muscle distribution
• I can only tolerate the female limit of alcohol ( not even that, to be honest)

• I have a female face, and even if I grow a lot of facial hair, I will still have a female face
• I have female hands and feet, smaller, and that has daily practical implications
• I am female height - tall for a woman, short for a man - obviously this is not definitive and there is a huge overlap.
• I have a female voice and vocal range
• I can only project my voice to a normal female volume - I am a teacher, so this is very obvious in the playground.

• I have female strength, and sometimes have to ask a man/boy to help me with something very heavy or stiff
• Also linked to female strength, I have to risk assess everyday work and life situations when I am alone with men, even being in the office
• I have female endurance - which at my age quite often outstrips male endurance in long distance events
• I have female speeds in park run/ marathons/ swimming/ cycling, etc, timings that can only be fairly compared to other females of similar age, to assess personal achievement

• I get mansplained to. Taking my career as a whole, I have been largely managed by men, many have been less capable than me

What have I missed

O yes, I have female only cancer, and medical issues

\just popping out, wil come back and see any other replies shortly x

Woman is not a feeling, it is a being. You are a woman.

What you've been through and are still going through can by factual definition only happen to a woman. Every part of your body is biologically coded as female, which is why you still need to take hormones to oppress that.

If you chose to identify differently that's entirely your right, but medically speaking you need to be treated as a woman otherwise the consequences will be terrible.

Wishing you all the best 💐

💐 for your experience OP.

My answer to your question:

Being a woman is a developmental pathway set at conception that is an unfolding of experiences throughout life; which may include the painful experiences unique to being a woman such as you are going through now.

I like to think of being a woman as a complex sum of the psychological, social, and ancestral, as well as biological/genetic and anatomical.

Being in my 50s, I am very aware of this ongoing process, as I am having to learn to let go of what it is to be a young woman, and embrace and grow into an older woman. Eg; letting go of pleasing and growing in fierceness and a sense of standing for larger community protection.

The phases of Maiden, Mother, Crone (true in some way for those without children too) seem very real to me right now; as something unique to womanhood and as something that cannot truly be appropriated.

I'm reading the book 'Nella Last's War'- diary of a world war 2 housewife at the moment. Not my usual kind of book, but I've been blown away by the connection I feel to a woman of my age, over a generation ago, living a very different life to me.
Some of her journal entries as she faces what it means to be a woman - in her family and community and society at large-the rage and compassion, protection, losses, unfulfilled desires, and frustrations, could have been written by anyone of us on here.
They could never have been written by a man.

Being a woman links us across time and space. That's what I mean by the ancestral part.

Apologies for length of this response, but the confluence of reading this book now, at this time, in the context of the battles we are facing, and reading your post now really brought all this home- and made me want to respond with my reflections.

(Recommend the book btw!)

I'm also trying not to be swayed by what others have written so haven't read most of the comments. I'd say -

Male and female are reproductive classes. All humans belong to one of them. You had organs removed that only one of those 2 groups can possess, therefore their removal proves which group/class you belong to.

Membership of either group can be actual, potential, historic or broken. I'm postmenopausal, so my reproductive ability is historic, my daughters' is actual, my granddaughter's is potential. But we are still a member of that sex class called female. And if granddaughter's reproductive ability should turn out to be 'broken' - why, she'll still be as female as the rest of us.

If you were conceived and grew into a female foetus, and now are an adult, then you are a woman.

You are XX which makes every cell in your body female, you’re a woman

XX

We are the sum of our parts OP.

Whether they are still with us or inside us or not.

Born a goddess - remain a goddess. 🌻

Don’t worry about the facial hair, OP ( as a result of hormonal changes). Mine are as the natural result of old age, and I seem to have more whiskers than my cat. I have noticed it hurts less to pull them out as you repeat it, though.

I wish you well!

I'm in the same position - BRCA2 positive so all relevant bits removed and hormones suppressed.
I'm a woman because the gene would not have been activated in the same way in a man. I have lived experience as a woman. I have XX chromosomes. I have menstruated. I have birthed and fed three children.
I hope you're ok.

I have all the bits that you have removed at this time.

Who knows what is ahead of us.

I am no more a woman than you.

If you remove female organs like uteri (is that the right plural?), you don’t change sex. No one who has had a hysterectomy has started producing sperm. Males who have had their testicules removed don’t start ovulating.

All of your lived experience OP and every cell in your body 💐

you can't "feel" like a woman

Quite

You are completely, absolutely and totally a woman, right down to your cells. I'm sorry you've been through all of that.

what a lovely post, thank you. I am fortunate that I had already had the opportunity to be a mum before this happened

another lovely post, thank you x

I’d also add that your auto immune response is still female, although I admit I don’t know the interplay of female hormone suppression and autoimmune…but I do know that women’s immune system is stronger due to 2 X chromosomes. It makes us more resistant to infection like covid, but more prone to immune diseases like arthritis

😁

Thank you for a beautiful post. As my teenage sons grow past me and I anticipate my 50s, I ponder the meaning of life and womanhood a lot. Much of what you wrote I feel too.

OP, I'm sorry for this sad events. I hope it's a comfort that many women share and understand your pain and struggles. Your experiences have made you a strong and wonderful woman, even if your body has changed. We are holistic beings - mind, body and soul. Some changes to one don't destroy who and what you are - it becomes part of your womanhood. I hope you continue to heal and thrive x

thank you for so many really lovely, motivational and highly visionary posts