How do you feel when family members have the polar opposite opinion?

[sensechec]

Turns out that my cousin is TWAW. She messaged me after I posted something on Instagram 'wanting to clarify what I meant'. Short conversation later I clarified that I believe sex is binary and immutable and she clarified that she does not agree.

No one was nasty or anything, although I think I could feel judgement her end.

I feel sad that she likely thinks I'm just a bigot because of course an Instagram post and a short text conversation does not illustrate my point in any sort of detail.

This is something I've given thought to every single day for over 4 years, it's not a knee jerk bigoted reaction.

I don't have much to do with her anymore although we did used to be close.

I just feel sad I suppose.

Any one have the same?

Yeah, my sister believes TWAW. We had an argument about it last night (discussing recent events in Scotland). I asked her how someone could 'feel' like a man or woman and to define what a man or woman is. She wasn't able to answer and called me transphobic. I guess we'll have to agree not to visit the topic again. I can't respect her opinion on this and she clearly does not respect mine either.

I've had a family member literally shouting in my face that I'm some type of nasty, transphobic bigot and a Tory too. It was scary. I refuse to have anything to do with him anymore.

Different opinions are good. Where would the world be if we all agreed. I can't abide the scorn with which some people are treated for having a different view these days.

I wouldn't care because I know I'm right and they're wrong. Also I'd laugh in the face of anyone who thought humans can change sex.

I was surprised when a relative recently started with the TWAW posts. Starting now after Tavistock and Mermaids safeguarding failures? 🙄

Not commenting on her posts to avoid family arguments but whenever she adds a virtue signalling anti-JKR post I send a small donation to a charity which stands up for women’s rights.

That they are uneducated on the matter and not worth talking about the topic with

Fortunately no, I have a had a few "but why can't we just be nice and let them, you're being a bit mean spirited" positions a few years ago - all have since separately come out as more radically opposed than I've ever been! I do have a more distant relation who I haven't spoken to for years who would be very TWAW and sadly my Mum let rip on the phone some time ago about men in women's prisons (I advised her not to, but my mum finds it absolutely preposterous anyone would ever be in favour of it - she's right of course, but y'know) I couldn't care less what this this person thinks but I'm quite sure it's a large part of why they never came for Christmas this year or last. Which is sad for the older members of my family who genuinely may not meet again.

My sister is TWAW. I've tried talking to her about it but she doesn't want to know or hear. She's a hardline Labour supporter and I don't think she can take any criticism of the party. It's hit me really hard. She's very right-on, but when I have tried to explain what it's like for lesbians she just doesn't want to know and says she's ashamed that I feel the way I do and won't discuss it with me.

I would simply say 'you're wrong' in reference to this particular subject.

One member of my wider family surprised me with their TMAM and TWAW attitude. Surprised me, because I respect this person's common sense and analytical approach.

When they expressed their shock that I was a terf, I responded with

"How can I be trans-exclusionary when I include transmen - [three-word description censored on MN] - in my feminism?"

"But they are men."

"They are entitled to believe what they wish. Women have more in common with [three-word description] than with [the other three-word description]. Transmen have the same vulnerabilities as all women do to misogyny, sex discrimination, sexual violence and gynaecological conditions, as well as internalised lesbophobia. Feminism includes supporting women who want to escape from the gender stereotypes imposed by society upon women. Feminism has nothing to do with supporting men who want to roleplay their idea of what it means to be a woman."

Family member was shocked, and wanted to try and persuade me - nicely! - that I was wrong, but there was no opportunity to discuss it further at that time.

And we have never revisited the conversation. It's the elephant in the room.

I do agree with this. I'm sad she probably thinks I'm a bigot and I feel slightly uncomfortable with the fact that she doesn't know my whole reasoning behind why I feel like I do. Maybe it wouldn't make any difference anyway.

I love this! Very good idea to donate quietly to offset the madness

I don't get any nonsense from my family about gender ideology. Even my close relative who is a trans identified female has a firm grasp of biology, knows she can't change sex, and accepts that many women need spaces without males of any sort in them even if she doesn't see such spaces as relevant to her. One of my young adult children is a classical Gen Z straight girl with blue hair trying to hitch a lift on the rainbow, but she'll grow out of it.

I've got relatives with polar opposite opinions on lots of other matters - immigration, covid vaccination, the royal family, how to sort out the NHS - and listening and accepting our differences isn't a problem.

I have polar opposite opinions to some of my family on brexit and labour v tory too but for some reason I'm not as bothered by those issues. Perhaps I need to treat the gender issue the same. Wonder why it's bigger in my head, perhaps because I really feel strongly about this and I hate to be thought of as a bigot.

DH was very upset at first. Over time he's come around quite a lot.

He still had a "be kind" attitude but agrees quite a lot of the TRA demands are grim, and couldn't see what was wrong with JKR's essay, so wins for me.

It's funny isn't it? I can understand different political opinions - I disagree with some leaver friends about Brexit and thought they'd been duped. But given there was so much conflicting data, I can see why. But when someone believes something that's easily verifiably a lie - TWAW, people can change sex etc, I look at them differently. Their judgement seems to be off? I'm still polite etc but given how much evidence of harm is now out there I'm disappointed in their lack of .... integrity?

My Brother is offensively adamant TWAW. We don't talk about it now but have had several hurtful and infuriating conversations in the past. I will never forgive him. Being lectured by a white middle aged middle class male about feminism grates. A lot.

This is something I've given thought to every single day for over 4 years, it's not a knee jerk bigoted reaction.
This may be the problem. You forget how much the #bekind don't know.
It's usually a shock when they find out that about 97% of TW are still intact.

We are all as one on this issue, probably for the first time ever!

Yes, my sister in law. We were round theirs, with them and a few of their friends and the subject came up. She said that sex is a spectrum and I disagreed politely. I also said that transwomen are still men, not women.

She absolutely exploded at me and leant into my face, screaming at the top of her voice. She called me a fucking homophobic bigot, before flouncing off upstairs in a flood of wailing and fake tears. She came down later and accused me of ruining her evening and insisted that I apologise.

She is a complete psycho, by the way.

Luckily I had the opposite. I'm not on Twitter but my partner is and he noticed that my cousin was posting things about TW not being women and we need to retain our rights. So I sent her some petitions to sign!

Yes I suppose there is that.

Yes, my wife was of the opinion that she didn't mind them in the loos, until I said that about 95% are still intact. I showed her some articles, from another forum. She was very surprised.

I'd be surprised if the figure for fully intact TWs is below 99% . Especially now that the world and his wife are claiming to be trans?