Sunday Times article by Jan Morris’s daughter

[BalooLikeYou]

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Children know their own parents without any of the magic social gloss that the rest of the world sees.

Thank you for share token

I feel so bad for Suki. Normally that level of wickedness and envy in a parent is the stuff of fairytales. I feel angry he was able to live out his days without being held to account for it.

Such a brave woman to write that. Beautifully written - my heart breaks for her.

I've always felt uncomfortable with the way Morris is venerated. I remember Michael Palin gushing on the radio once. To the end Jan Morris's wife and children were mere satellites circling around his monstrous ego which must have been perfectly apparent to anyone who knew the family. But they were just conveniently overlooked.

No one asked.

So much hurt. Suki writes beautifully and exposes the lies that are told and the destruction that this creates and then leaves.

Badging traumatised people as women shouldn’t happen.

This is a brilliant and brave article. Thank you for sharing OP.

The following sentences jumped out at me, they often seem to apply to late transitioning MTFs who have fathered children:

She couldn’t cook, I never saw her clean anything and she certainly didn’t want to stay at home and be with her family.

I believe she wanted to be someone totally different from anyone else, a woman who was the centre of attention because of her difference.

Her ego was massive, with people constantly rubbing it. She was a woman who enjoyed being in a man’s world because she stood out.

This was from a scathing review of Morris' book earlier in the year:

Her second son, Henry, chose to go and live abroad. Asked about Morris after her death, he said: “We were introduced, but we never actually got to know each other."

J M May have enjoyed controlling her and the headmistresses too.

Oh goodness. I had a flashing thought when I read the bitabout moving schools, that it couldn't have been a control tactic. That would be too horrific. But it's been on my mind ever since and bloody hell that fucking monster.

I agree with scrollingLeaves it wasn't only controlling Suki and disrupting her life, her potential, punishing her for being what he wasn't. Even one of those aspects makes it unforgivable. But it didn't stop there. There was that little cherry on the top of his control cake of the headmistresses too. A woman who is in a place of authority, so got to make sure to stick the middle finger up her.

Good on the headmistress who wrote that she hoped Suki could have less disruption in her education going forward.

I have a narcissistic mother (diagnosable, not "simply" that I don't like her). She is very skilful with words and people think what she says is nice, but when you know there aren't mistakes, you know it's a takedown. It's utterly soul destroying because you're then gaslit by anybody who hears her or sees her words who thinks she's wonderful and you're just not being nice. JM makes my mother look like an archangel though. That headmistress saw straight through JM and her writing, not only speaking, which can't be held as proof, but putting it in writing, on the record. That was a great small action in there. Suki knew, or does now, that somebody else knew. Somebody else saw.

I think it's safe to say that Suki now has a whole band of women, at least, behind her who see.

I also would buy a book if she writes one. It doesn't have to be about this. I enjoyed her writing style, even though I definitely didn't enjoy what she was converting with it.

I thought that was a fabulous quote from JM's son. Although also desperately sad.

Thank you for sharing this.

I am shocked, shocked to learn that Morris was a selfish, narcissistic fantasist with deeply sexist views.

I know, what a truly surprising development.

Never heard of Jan Norris but what a bastard… sounds very cruel. Fortunate that Suki had a lovely mum. Has she written a book?

Suki is the first.

The first voice of the children to speak at national level to the respected British Press say how a transitioned father emotionally abused her.

Let's stress the point about emotional abuse.

She was not allowed to call her father 'Daddy' anymore. She was told she was a substitute for a fantasy of another daughter. Her mother was expected to comply and do all the emotional labour as a mother knowing her place whilst fantasy land 'mother' played dress up, had a wonderful career and was lauded for being stunning and brave. Against all the stereotypes of the time. Or more to the point, in line with them albeit in a dress.

Jan saw women as lesser. And had no respect for wife or daughter and treated them according as support humans to the narrative of the fantasy. They were emotional punching bags to satisfy Jan's ego. Suki could not be allowed to be given the chance to achieve and potentially outshine Jan. There is no room for that. She must learn to know her place. The women were still expected to have old fashioned women's roles of cleaning and caring and nothing more.

And notably the sons were sent away. Their maleness was a reminder of the past so could not be seen by Jan, but ego still dictates that they must be successful because sons are reflective of genetic prowess and parenting. Daughters can be just married off of course. The sons aren't a threat to the fantasy of woman costume in the same way. They are instead an extension of the male ego itself in a different way.

When Jan wrote about family, the kids were props. Extras to the fantasy and the ego. Bit parts to the narcissists narrative that didn't exist in real life.

Suki is the first.

She won't be the last. And all these stories will be variations of the same theme.

The stunning and brave victim of society who has the lowest possible status yet somehow dominates and dictates and controls the lives of their family like the stereotypical tyrannical father who must be obeyed, never questioned and be worshipped by all around.

Absolutely no surprise from me. Its text book.

Thanks for sharing OP. Sadly not surprising. Hopefully the MSM will get better at highlighting the effect transition has on the wider family. The current narrative of everyone being happy and accepting is a comfortable self-serving fantasy for the transitioners.

@RedToothBrush brilliant post.

@RedToothBrush Yes. Very well said.

I remember a thread on here which asked when people first doubted the ‘TW be kind’ narrative. I knew one of Morris’ sons at University, and I posted my experience (lived experience?) of his reaction to the publishing of Conundrum. Suffice it to say that it was not positive.

My post was deleted. Apparently it wasn’t acceptable, although it was neither rude nor untruthful. Oh well, it seems like history has caught up.

PS I had a bit in it about another famous person called after a month of Year, whom I knew personally. Maybe that didn’t fit the narrative.

Six schools for no reason.
Morris made a hobby of researching and visiting girls schools?
Was this a part of the fantasising?
Nauseating.

Thanks for sharing this. Poor kids. I remember reading before that Jan Morris's wife was (is? still alive?) deeply religious and believed that marriage was for life. Even though she and Morris had to divorce because once Morris was officially classified as a woman it became a same-sex marriage, which was illegal at the time, she still regarded herself as his wife and they re-married when same-sex marriage became possible. I see from a quick Google that the press has swallowed whole the idea that this is a moving love story. I don't see it that way at all. I see a woman brainwashed into believing that her needs and wants, and sadly also those of her children, were less important than her husband's, even though her husband's behaviour and demands were not just unreasonable but toxic.

Copying over what I wrote on Twitter:

The most notable thing about the article by Jan Morris’s daughter is that anybody’s surprised by the neglect and emotional abuse. Newsflash:it’s still there even if the perpetrator is clever or is one of your social class. We’ve been telling our stories. Why haven’t you listened?

The assumption that a wife or a child who is silent about this, was somehow happy with it, is a convenient way for people to cop out of dealing with what we go through.

And to cop out of confronting the fact that even in their social class, or their profession, or in their political tribe, the abusive dynamics of this remain the same.

It’s also a way that people reinforce their belief that it couldn’t happen to them. The stunning and brave ones that they know or relate to, aren’t like the ones who abused us muggles, they could never be taken in.

Whilst the voices of trans widows and Children Of Transitioners are still bullied into silence, interpreting that silence as support and satisfaction, flies in the face of all compassion and common sense.

Will the prominent feminist writers who were fans of Morris acknowledge any of this now? I doubt it.

Brilliant post by RedToothbrush, and would be intrigued to hear about the son’s reaction.

MN are not as ban-happy as they used to be, probably because the evidence that we really do have to name male abuses of power is just becoming overwhelming.

Is it any surprise that he married a woman who felt that marriage was for life, no matter what? You bet your life is wasn't, he knew what he was doing, marry a compliant woman, not let her think for herself and gaslight her.

I wonder if anyone knows why the children have the name Morys and if Morris was a nom de plume or whether this was part of the fantasy of becoming fully Welsh for Morris.

loislovesstewie

Dont forget Elizabeth’s family would have been an important attraction too. Even just the name of there was no money involved.

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen I remember the AA story well , if that is the person. Quite a cause celebre at the time. We thought people could actually change sex back then , bizarrely. Part of that whole ' anything the boring old straights don't like must be good ' sentiment.