What gets me is none of this has been properly researched and all of these questions are dead interesting.
Its also nuts that parents who have not affirmed have been threatened with social services but those who have an insta kid from age 2 aren't even questioned and in fact are hailed with wow.
I see the comment about collective or group identity above and I think its a dead important one from my own experiences and its one that I don't think is well appreciated.
The whole narrative of identity politics leans in on the idea of individualism and 'true authentic self' yet there is no discourse into group identities at the same time.
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Identity_formation
I've talked about this on MN before and used this link and quote from the article to make the point.
Identities are formed on many levels. The micro-level is self-definition, relations with people, and issues as seen from a personal or an individual perspective. The meso-level pertains to how identities are viewed, formed, and questioned by immediate communities and/or families. The macro-level are the connections among and individuals and issues from a national perspective. The global level connects individuals, issues, and groups at a worldwide level.
One of the things I've struggled with is, is effectively the breakdown of my identity due to what's happened in my family.
The simple innocent question "do you have any brothers or sisters?" always throws me now.
I can't say I have a sister because my identity was formed having a brother. My relationship with him was a relationship with a brother. If I'm trying to relate to others who grew up with sisters it just doesn't fit. I didn't have that relationship. There were none of those socially created situations or relationship conflicts.
Equally, saying I have a brother also has its own complications now and social mess particularly if you don't know the politics of the person you are talking to (I tend now to not give a shit - if people judge me to hell with it).
My identity formed as the elder sister of a young boy. That was our identities as a family. And that grenade thrown in on that, I think ultimately is why our family imploded.
Ive got a huge amount of the 'it's just like being gay' stuff almost as a way to relate to me and to be kind, but I always point out its different because it affects my identity as a collective unit. My brother rejected me and my husband by making out we were bigoted and unaccepting BEFORE he had even told us.
My mum had to go through a lot of 'if you don't then you don't love me' nonsense which from a grown man is frankly nothing short of abusive. From what I can tell my parents are still in touch with my brother but it's exceptionally limited even though they have responded with 'how high?' to every 'jump' order.
I think a lot to do with this was the fact he couldnt maintain his new identity with his old. Indeed that was one of the things that came up at the time - a deliberate rejection of family rather than family rejecting was a commonly observed phenomena at the time it happened (this was prior to it taking off as a massive movement). It was a deliberate disassociation with the past.
This does seem to happen in some families with teenagers / young people. However this really contrasts to families which are over invested in their child's identity from a very early age. And I think this is an important observation.
Our identities do not exist in isolation. They are also relational - with the family relation being the most important.
We know that trauma affects identity formation.
And groups like Mermaids who help create a group identity and sense of belonging are worth noting.
This collective 'formed family' idea can replace actual family. We tend to see patterns with this related to trauma or indeed abuse. And it can be culty. The nature of living in an echo chamber where other ideas are not present is unhealthy full stop. It's not a state of affairs that lends itself building relationships outside the group. It's isolationist from society as a whole.
I think the emphasis on looking at identity as an individual thing rather than identity formation as being multi faceted and multi levelled is totally wrong.
Not much is being talked about in this.
It has implications for those in the families of those who identify as trans too. I do think it harms them - the transwidows being the only group who, to date, have really found much of a voice on that. Parents haven't talked about the impact on themselves so far - only their children. Siblings haven't spoken out on the impact on them. Nor have the children of late transitioner. I largely this this is all to come and it will come. The harms to those who buy into the ideology and make life changing decisions are better seen but the ripples do go further and are worth noting.
When you start to note them, you start to see how major issues have been neglected and not even considered in the rush to change gender identity. The idea that its a neutral process only involving the person who transitions is a complete nonsense. And that is precisely why its one of the reasons why its totally different to coming out as homosexual.