Guardian: Ask Phillipa Husband wants to be a woman.

[WarriorN]

She's on the fence but tactfully says run for the hills?

I wonder whether she had to shove the first para in.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/nov/06/ask-philippa-perry-my-husband-wants-to-be-a-woman-but-will-he-be-happier?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

Very striking that in a column where btl comments are usually encouraged, there's nothing. Hmmm I wonder why...?

I had a flick through the most recent ones. They usually get over 300 comments, so it’s quite a big decision to publish something that the regular commenters can’t engage with.

However, I did find another one from a few weeks back that had no comments. I’ll go find it…

I remember that documentary! I wonder if you could watch it with a VPN?

I guess that's what the answer is saying though - that what your husband chooses to do with his body and his appearance is not about you and doesn't reflect on you, so before focusing on that, have a think about what you actually need and want in life?

I don't think life is always that simple. But certainly as a feminist I believe women shouldn't be judged or put in categories for what their male associates do. It is really common for that to happen though.

Here’s the most recent one with comments turned off. Not controversial but possibly one that won’t benefit from multiple opinions (it’s about mother loss and long term grieving)

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/sep/11/ask-philippa-dilemma-my-mother-died-25-years-ago-and-i-am-still-not-over-it

So perhaps comments on today’s were turned off to save the letter writer from multiple ‘put your ‘wife’ first, bigot!’ comments, rather than to protect the Guardian/Philippa?

I agree with others, it was a good reply, and the sort of thing you might see on the MN relationship board, essentially ‘OK, park what he wants over there, what do YOU want?’ (although obvs there would be many LTBs too!)

Having posted that I'm now remembering the trans widows stories I've read that describe husbands copying their wives' look and mannerisms. And I did think at that point of the hairstyles in the GP and PP partnership.

Good answer.

Her husband has an all consuming hobby she has no interest in and finds faintly ridiculous.

I think it is hard not to wonder when it is sexually motivated.
When you see Richard do something daft and Judy rolls her eyes, you don’t feel uncomfortable about it.
I think we imagine that sexuality is something private and shared between couples, so when a man is open about having additional avenues outside the relationship, it looks like the woman is compromising too much.
It’s like in Louie Theroux when one member of a couple is polyamorous while the other is faithfully monogamous. It’s unbalanced and hard to imagine they’d be happy about it. They look like a mug and it’s hard not to pity.

From the little I can gather from watching tv G and PP seem to have a good and mutually supportive marriage. They both come across as likeable and warm people. They've had a long and apparently successful marriage and have a daughter together. I'm not surprised that she could write a decent reply on this subject.

Dare I begin to hope that The Guardian is slowly 'getting it'?
I would love to resubscribe to a paper I grew up with...

I thought that was a good answer. The first paragraph feels a bit disconnected to the rest so I wonder if it was a late add-in.

I assumed the first but was added by an editor!

Would’ve been good if the term ‘trans widow’ had been mentioned as that would give readers something to Google, and would side step linking to the TW voices website (still too controversial for the guardian!) but would likely get readers there anyway!

It's a good answer, it's a shame she doesn't talk about her own experience as the wife of an AGP man but I guess that's her business.

It is a shame trans widows are not mentioned.

That's a great answer. Very different form the usual, "Isn't he brave, why are you not full of joy for him finally becoming his true self". It highlights the selfishness and lack of thought for others that so often comes with males transitioning.

It has just occurred to me that I asked people to write to the Guardian to thank them for publishing the other trans widow article, so maybe that has encouraged them to cover it again so soon.

I agree.

Cue howls of anguish and calls of 'transphobia' from TRAs because Philippa has, quite correctly, used 'he' and 'husband' throughout

Why the need to share it with your audience?

@EndlessTea some might say it's because that's who they are. Others might say it's part of the ... thrill/enjoyment/fetish/whatever reason they do it for. I have heard that GP had his dresses designed to hide his erection (it was in his book or an interview or something) - not much point in that if he's staying in the house.

Nice answer - but there is no reason why comments shouldn’t be open on this one. The Guardian guarding the feelz of the TRAs again…

It’s not the Guardian, it’s the Observer. Shared website/app, very different editorial policy.

Good answer, and if it's the Observer that explains it. Yes, it would have been wonderful if she had highlighted the Transwidows.

I think that was a great answer. She cut through to the fact this woman is channeling her energy into worrying about him rather than her own happiness. I'm glad it was subtley mentioned that separation is a possibility.

This isn't about the rights or wrongs of taking hormones or cutting off genitalia, it's about a couple who are in a marriage only in name. In fact you could substitute trans for golf really because it's about a guy having scant concern for the person they married in essence.

If you are reading this LTB

The lack of comments may be because they don't want pro trans lobbyists piling in criticising her for even questioning his happiness. Remember the readership

I'd imagine they're just as worried about a big GC pileon saying 'LTB' tbh.

Even if the comments were 50/50 LTB/‘Stop misgendering your WIFE’ it would still be a massive headache for whoever is tasked with moderating (and repetitive for the reader).

Better to post the letter without comments than not post it all tho!

The first person article by a young trans widow from a few months back was absolutely trashed on trans-centric social media, despite concluding with the supposedly acceptable position of ‘I’m not a lesbian and I’m happy my ex boyfriend is now a happy transwoman’ on the basis that trans widows shouldn’t be allowed to speak from their own perspective. Bloody selfish wimm that she is, eh? 🙄

Part of GP’s fetish seems to be imagining that his daughter is in fact his sister, and therefore I suppose that PP is his mother. I’ve heard Phillipa on a podcast stating that Grayson and her daughter often bicker like siblings and it’s down to her to sort out the disagreements.