My friend has just declared he is trans

[Teeah]

For context, I am a bisexual woman in my late thirties and he is a gay man in his mid forties.

He's always struggled with his sexuality due to homophobic parents and wider family being generally unsupportive. When we first met he told me he was straight, and only "came out" to me after a few years.

We've always been very close; there's never been any indication of him thinking he's a woman before, however, now he's saying that he's just realised he's always been a woman and was suppressing it due to his upbringing. Both of his parents have recently passed away.

I'm trying to be gentle with him, as I love him dearly.

Does anyone have any advice in terms of what to say/ how to react to this?

I would encourage your friend to see a grief counsellor before making any outward changes.

it’s not unheard of for a trans identity to be a maladaptive response to enormous loss. A sort of reinvention of a whole new self, rather than carrying on as the sad, lonely old you.

I’ll dig out a link - I have a news story in mind, need to Google it up…

Here you go:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7911163/Richard-Hoskins-detransitioned-four-years-living-woman-did-escape-past.html

You say that they're your friend. So just be there as one?

Be there for them as a friend? This isn't that big a deal really.

And please don't take anything from the Daily Mail seriously 🙄

Here’s Richard talking about his experience on TV.

And please don't take anything from the Daily Mail seriously

Did you read it? Because callously dismissing the lived experience of a traumatised, bereaved man purely on the basis that you don’t like the website it’s published on is a pretty dickish way to behave.

Just continue to love him as a friend.

Will he expect you to believe that he’s now really a ‘woman’ ?

Many of the people that are saying that they are trans need counselling and understanding before they make anymore life changing decisions.

Just accepting is not solving the problems that many of these people have.

It was a shark wasn’t it?

because apex predators are linked with trans people for…reasons?

@Annoyingfeminist if you think it's not genuine, instead of troll hunting which is against talk guidelines why not report?

@TheClogLady Well that escalated quickly... All I meant is that the DM is infamous for fabrication and deliberate misconstruing. I made no claims about the person the article was about. By all means, OP can check out this person all they like I would just suggest not doing so through the DM...

@TheClogLady

www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/feb/08/wikipedia-bans-daily-mail-as-unreliable-source-for-website

Some light reading for ya.

I think just listen. I have a cousin who transitioned after their father died, they didn't feel able to do it before. Ultimately it's not up to you what they do - don't feel that you have any kind of responsibility for your friend's decision - you don't.

Like @TheClogLady I hope he'll want to explore his feelings around bereavement and his upbringing explored. Stopping transition at various stages is IMO quite a lot more common than you'd think and tbh I do hope his feelings resolve and he recovers from this crisis, but ultimately he's still your friend.

Well, if Wikipedia says.....

OP, be a shoulder for your friend to cry on. I hope they don't rush into anything but will take the time to think, grieve and, ultimately, do what makes them happy.

Please remember to take care of yourself, I expect this can be a bit intense.

Wikipedia calling anyone else an ‘unreliable source’ is hilarious. I don’t trust the Mail at all, but I’d trust it more than Wikipedia.

any media should be taken with a pinch of salt

you’d need a bucket full for wiki

If someone who has recently suffered a catastrophic bereavement starts acting in a completely different way, surely it's only sensible to advise they seek out therapy for the bereavement

Right back atcha!

www.itnews.com.au/news/wikipedia-broken-beyond-repair-says-co-founder-78127

Oh and @CandyflossGin Maybe stop feeding cloglady...If you know you know

losing both parents so quickly is a dreadful shock, suggesting bereavement counselling isnt the worst thing you could do…and as others have said in the early stages just be there for him and listen

Bit rich from the guardian

Bit rich from the guardian

absolutely

You can find same articles from telegraph, slate, I, Times etc with a quick Google search....

Point being that wikipedia never does this yet they did with DM....

And yeah @Annoyingfeminist I'm aware. Not engaging anymore.