How do you protect your children from getting sucked into and brainwashed by this?

[jewishmum]

For reference I have one very young child of each sex.

Is it two-headed?

@TheVanguardSix I have two children in total, but one of each.

Regular chats. I say you can wear what you want/break gender stereotypes and I will support you etc etc but you can’t change sex. I have to keep reinforcing the message because of indoctrination at school etc. They see through the complete unfairness of men in womens sports etc. My mini terfs in training!

I keep them close - as in even at 12, my eldest will talk to me about anything he's concerned about (or, lets face it, anything that pops into his head at the time)

I've taught them (as has experience) that everyone on the internet is a jerk - and how to keep themselves safe (well, as I can) by never using their real name or revealing info about themselves. To only friend people they know in real life.

We have chats about this sort of thing (and other similarly contentious subjects) where we actually talk back and forth, rather than lecture.

From very young, I supported their likes and dislikes, gave them free choice of clothes etc rather than pushing them towards gendered items exclusively (of course if they chose cars/diggers/mummy's little monster t-shirt that was as fine as fairy wands and glitter)

I think the really important thing is the the first though - maintaining a good relationship with them. Whilst there's no doubt I'm the parent, and I set boundaries, I try to be reasonable, and expect them to be reasonable (as far as a child can) in return, and that seems to be working out OK.

...you can't? They should be allowed to learn of all viewpoints from pretty much any given topic and should be allowed to come to their own conclusions...

Not agreeing with you wouldn't be 'brainwashing'. And given that you presumably love your kids I can't imagine a difference of opinion would be a problem anyway.

I've laid a firm foundation of love of science and understanding of natural history / biology. The eldest is also naturally in love with history. So it allows some early discussion around evolution, evidence, and with the older one facts and truth. Sources etc. debate.

I did breastfeed well into toddler years and they remember - I've no idea if this helps but they're well aware of the differences between men and women in that regard.

My eldest (boy) is v into football and it's great to point out that a few years ago he wouldn't have had posters of the womens team in the match of the day mag, and why. He knows it's because of the lionesses, but I could have a basic discussion about sexism. Sport helps to highlight the need for female and male games based on biology.

I've challenged gender stereotypes as much as I can with both growing up.

Keep them off the Internet, or (at the very least) ensure they aren't secretive about what they're looking at. Give the parental controls a good workout. Be 'that' parent at school.

Mine have always been allowed to wear what they like, like what they like etc. So they had trains, dolls, cars, tea set, toy iron etc etc. They wore whatever clothes they liked regardless of colour.

DS1 is 18 and loves unicorns. My younger niblings have asked a couple of times why he loves unicorns so much "because they're for girls." A breezy "no they aren't. They are for everyone" or "why are they for girls? They're just animals" seems to work.

Likewise when they told me ds2 couldn't have long hair because "long hair is for girls" I pointed out that couldn't possibly be true, because he is a boy and he has long hair.

Now that they are very young you can easily and need to control their access to the internet. Keep them off it. Tumblr was famously the place where young people found and got immersed in this ideology and this led to chatting with adult strangers who encourage them for their own reasons ( which I cannot name here)

I was a dress-wearing little girl with curls who climbed trees, played with toy trains and dreamed of being a pirate My conservative parents let me be. I grew up to be a happy lesbian who wears makeup , elegant clothes and studied the law

Ban all forms of social media. All of it. My teens know exactly why we don't allow SM and are fine with it. We answer questions honestly and openly and encourage open discussion. As a result they are very clear that you cannot change your sex 😊

I think being very clear that gender stereotyping is rubbish will segue naturally into scepticism about gender ideology when they are older.

Why would someone feel they are the wrong sex if either sex can dress and act however they want.

I also suspect there is a fashion element to gender ideology for a lot of teens - though I’m sure they would deny it - and something else will be in fashion in 10 years’ time. Each generation comes up with its own way to be unique and misunderstood (but in the same way as all their friends 😂)

Teach them a scathing sense of humour. The most well-used phrase in my house is 'What the fuck is this nonsense now??!' Then we either all have a good laugh at the ridiculousness of the world or totally disagree with each other but proclaim 'What the fuck is this nonsense now??!' at the person we disagree with. So then the person has to explain their viewpoint.

I think they have so much crap fed to them at school and through social media that they have developed a very healthy scepticism about it all without my intervention and pressing them to defend their thinking actually makes them think a bit deeper rather than just accept the nonsense doing the rounds.

As they hit the teenage years, remind them that you know they're growing up and becoming independent and that your job as a parent is to enable that but to keep them safe. They'll make mistakes and you'll support them and help them get through it. Keep talking and (as far as is possible) make sure they're involved in family life, hobbies, one to one with you - anything that keeps them away from the creepy ones on the internet.

In part you do it by sensible parenting - internet use and such like.
But I agree with the poster who said you can't dictate your children's views and shouldn't try to. But you can make sure they have a good understanding of looking past a statement and checking for themselves what the facts arguments are - in all subjects and areas.
Keep talking to them about everything and anything.

I have a question. I have DDs age 8 and 11 (in Y4 and Y6). I am generally pretty open with them, but tend to mostly answer questions as they come up naturally. I also (where possible) try to reinforce the idea that we shouldn't be restricted by gender stereotypes. They both have friends, male and female, who are somewhat gender non-conforming.

The kids at their primary school seem pretty innocent on the whole. Neither my kids nor their friends have ever mentioned gender ideology within my earshot. However, it is rife in Y7/Y8 in all the local high schools, and my older DD will be going next year!

So I'm wondering - do I leave gender ideology until they mention it? Or raise it myself out of the blue and risk making it a "thing"?

You can't control your childrens' opinions anymore than your parents can control yours. What you can do is is encourage them to think critically and love them even when they come to different conclusions than you.

People who think humans can change sex have been brainwashed.

People who think as woman is anything other than an adult human female have been brainwashed.

People who think being a woman is about feeling feminine or girly have been brainwashed.

Not only have these people been brainwashed but they're ideas are damaging to children and women and same sex attracted people.

@DisappearingGirl I would bring it up with your 11 year old and ask what she thinks about it. Teach her to critique, question and debate, including with you.

I really think this is important. Not to teach them to be cynical and mocking, but to have a sense of humour and perspective. There's a lot of "be kind, pussyfoot about" directed at children, and not enough "don't accept nonsense, don't apologise for having a brain".

DisappearingGirl
I'd say you need to talk about it before they bring it up. They will be exposed to this at school and kids grow up an huge amount once they leave primary school.
Don't make a huge deal out of it.
I think DD and I spoke a lot about this in conjunction with free speech, freedom of expression and where rights clash.

Totally agree Watermelonseeds. There is little point keeping them off social media, their friends will come out with enough shite by themselves. And to be honest, just switch on the news and there are people trying to fill their heads with nonsense. Teach them to think! Teach them to debate with you. Teach them to look at all sides of an argument. But Christ above, let's all develop our own opinions on things rather than delegate our thoughts to someone else. I don't care whether I totally disagree with them but I love it when they come to me with some political stance or strong opinion about something. Good! Thinkers! But never come to me with some half-arsed argument because I'll pick that fucker to shreds. 😃

This.

My DC are fairly unusual at school for not being on their phones at all times of the night, for not knowing who certain TikTok celebs are or what the latest meme is. It's done them no harm whatsoever and they themselves can see that a huge amount of fall outs and nastiness happens because of what goes on on SM, and are glad to be out of it entirely.

Keep them busy, engaged and connected in the real world, to real people. Encourage them to take up sports or hobbies that interest them and to base their friendships on real life conversations and experiences.

Keep talking to them,. challenge some of what is unthinkingly repeated from school. Have a keen eye on the pshe curriculum and engage with school if you have concerns. Absolutely be that parent and lead the way for your child to speak up if they are uncomfortable too. Let your DC know you have their back. Mine know that of they ever ever got into trouble for stating their boundaries and sticking to them, I would back them up regardless of who they were offending or in trouble with.

I think you are a bit delusional if you think you can control all this. I have had the same family life, chats, discussions over what makes a woman, biology aired in my household; one teen is very much in my way of thinking but accepting of others choices, the other weeps if we even discuss it due to my horrible transphobic ways.

Parents, and authority, are there to be rebelled against and there is a good dollop of luck about whether your children are suddenly pulled into changing sexuality, identity and so on.

Becoming trans is also strongly connected with neurodiversity, so that's not really a controllable thing.

I'm not saying don't encourage critical thinking, or keep them away from social media (be prepared though that this can't last into later teen years), just be realistic you might be great at all that and your child is upstairs plotting their name change. It's happened to so many great families I know, and I would also say the children I know who define themselves as non-binary, trans or bi now out number everyone else by about 17 so try not to see it as a personal failure of parenting, these kids are lovely too but their path is harder, no doubt.

-challenge stereotypes as they come up (gently)
-encourage them to ask questions
-be open and age appropriate about information
-teach straightforward biology
-bodily consent is paramount. Don't force them to hug/brush hair/etc
-listening is crucial, always.
-discuss screen times (we made written agreements), use parental controls, check devices regularly and explain why. Talk about internet safety.
-implement clear, sensible boundaries and stick to them. If they disagree, talk it through with them, but don't back down because of emotional responses.
-make it clear your first job is to protect them, that you will support them but that they may not always be happy about you putting up boundaries.
-as it comes up, deal calmly with any genderist ideas. Asking questions and encouraging your child to think critically is a great practise for all areas of life.
-teach them how to respectfully and politely hold their ground, and resist peer pressure.

Oh, also:

Advocate for your child, question school approaches, raise the issues with sports groups, councillors, MPs, local papers, etc.