Guardian Article - ‘I thought my boyfriend of 10 years was going to propose – then he told me he was trans’

[PriamFarrl]

Young woman whose partner came out as trans. Interesting reading.

Sorry if it’s already been posted. www.theguardian.com/society/2022/oct/08/i-thought-my-boyfriend-of-10-years-was-going-to-propose-then-he-told-me-he-was-transgender?CMP=twt_gu&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium#Echobox=1665224311-1

The replies to the article on Twitter were interesting. Mainly ‘how dare this woman write an article centring herself when she should have been centring her partner.’

Agree. I’ve never in my whole life of 50 years ever had a conversation about make up except for perhaps asking a couple of questions at a department store counter. Perhaps I am not a real woman?

It's certainly an improvement on the stories about women like us that are usually published in the Guardian.

To read accounts that haven't been through a guardian editorial filter, see the Trans Widows Voices website

www.transwidowsvoices.org/our-voices

Has anyone else come across Straight Partners Anonymous who mention trans widows in their quote in the article?

Oh and this: "I was not asleep at the wheel. My underwear never went awol. There were no signs" How interesting that this is made into a pull quote (on web version)

On the political stage, the UK government was being rightly condemned for failing to ban conversion practices for trans people

this is bullshit spouted by people who don't realise that 'trans' conversion therapy includes trying to discover the actual reasons for people thinking they are somehow the opposite sex.
TRA's need this to prevent investigation into the actual reasons behind the wave of teenage girls suddenly trying to opt out of their sex class. (Which we all know but mustn't say)

We twenty- and thirtysomethings are sandwiched between two ideologically and societally opposed generations. My dad, liberal, lovely, but resolutely a Yorkshireman, knows as much about gender dysphoria and all its nuances as I do about the stock market. Then there’s gen Z, who are seemingly born as blanks, encouraged to colour and contour themselves as they please, no labels, judgment or questions asked

I don't buy this either. Most people I know in real life of all ages think gender ideology is batshit.
Gender ideology is all about labels to the nth degree.

Try sitting at home with only antidepressants for company, while your ex is at a dinner party with your best friends extolling the virtues of full coverage foundation

'Best friends' who leave her sat at home unhappy whilst fawning over a her male ex? Wow.

Well, society doesn’t frown on binning off a friend who’s split up with a partner. Binning off a friend who’s split up as a result of coming out as trans…Oof. Witch-hunt material right there.

Safer to drop the boring cunty one.

Exactly! If my other half started doing more cleaning, I'd probably be on board with becoming a lesbian 😉

I've pushed 3 babies out of my woman's vagina but I've never set foot in a nail bar! Expensive, exploitative hellholes from what I can gather! Also I bite my nails to shreds so fairly pointless! Still a genuine, actual woman though

Careful - isn't it rather transphobic to imply that giving birth is a womanly activity! Best check your pants drawer - if you've got a lacey pair you're probably entitled to call yourself a woman.

OMG, I have no lacy pants! And I've never been to a nail bar! Clearly, I'm actually a man! Despite the aforementioned giving birth 🙄

Fenlandia Straight Partners Anonymous was set up primarily by a friend of mine, myself and another two women c. 2010 as there was no network in the UK for straight wives and partners. It grew to encompass straight husbands of gay women and lately the partners of transpeople. After some years of helping and advising others in the same situation as I had found myself in 2009 I left the group as I found reading newbies stories triggering. SPA is a fantastic resource for straight women and men who find themselves facing the shock of finding out their partners are same sex attracted.

Thank you for doing that.

One of the comment on Twitter honestly said that there was no support for trans people and loads for people in this situation…

Quick, get yourself a floral skirt and chiffon scarf and in 2 years you can declare that you're a woman.

I mean to say, you can declare it now, but it won't be legal for a couple of years.

But to be fair to her she's still very young, there are plenty of guys her age around, and she doesn't have children. This is different from somebody who is in her 50s and married to a guy who suddenly decides he's a woman.

I think her ex will end up disappointed. They had an intelligent attractive girlfriend. As a transwoman they will struggle to get another. They may be told they are brave and authentic but few women will be interested.

Have a look now, there is more sympathy that the woman was lied to by her ex.

Omg, you're just making it worse! I also have never owned nor even desired a chiffon scarf 😳 I have 3 handbags which I never use and I just let my friends give me clothes or my husband buy them for me 😂I'm definitely a man.

I'd be grateful if FWR women would email the Guardian to thank them for covering trans widows because they’ll no doubt be getting no end of stick from our exes and their allies.
[email protected]

Or you could move to Scotland - it’ll only be 3 months if the SNP gets it way.

It shouldn't be surprising by now but it still is. I saw plenty criticising the author for being so bigoted as to not retrospectively be using female pronouns for the ex. Then of course. The variations on one delightful post: "Literally not her story to tell."

Gets to the heart of the matter in one stupid, chilling sentence really.

She’s well off out of it - not cos BF is trans but cos he’s behaved like a git. He talked to their friends about his change a year before he talked to her. A year. Not a dicky bird to her.

He shagged her before, during and after the Big Reveal. Which turned out to be more about makeup than anything, faintly dispiriting given the trauma she went through.

She’s moved on and is happy. Despite her earnest wishes, one can only wonder if BF will be. Her story’s more interesting to me as I like her integrity and it’s got an ending that doesn’t need full-coverage foundation to make it look happy.

I don't get why girls want blockers. The transmen I've met look like 12 year old boys because they are so stunted in terms of height. Why don't girls just go on the contraceptive pill to get rid of their periods (if taken back to back or mini pill). Surely that would ease their dysmorphia. Sure their breasts will still grow but if they are chopping them off when 18 what's the big deal?

I found the reaction from trans activists (especially allies) more revealing than the article itself.

Apparently, the author had no right to write this article, even with her ex’s permission. Some TRAs think it should have been written by the ex instead, as “it wasn’t about her”, while at least one trans ally thinks the subject wasn’t worthy of an article at all. In particular, the author shouldn’t have shared any negative feelings, such as sadness for the loss of the future she’d hope to share with her ex. Apparently, this was very transphobic.

So much for the importance of respecting other people’s “lived experience”, eh? Heaven forbid that a support human should forget her place and tell her side of the story.

Surely any truwoman would lose 20% off their income, have a massive downgrading in the pension pot and possibly moved to a lower grade at work? This is before any discussion of lacy knickers and make overs....