Neo/pronouns

[Sparklybutold]

I am currently studying part time. The course organiser is trans non binary. I have always felt uncertain by this person. Digged deep to see whether it's a prejudice, but they trigger a nervous system response which screams inwardly ‘dont trust’. Last year - they were they/them. This year per/pers. I can't decide whether it's to keep us on our toes owing to what I'm studying or if it reflects a genuine choice. If both are non binary why change? I've been informed by someone else it's a case of what feels right for them. My heads in a bit of a spin with it.

If you have concerns about this person's behaviour, that should be addressed. Don't connect it with the pronoun/trans aspect though. Be factual. There are codes of conduct for lecturers: is he abiding by them?

😂😂😂

Sure.

You do understand.

What would your reaction be if this person insisted that you use Russian words when speaking about them in English? Would you consider it a reasonable demand? Would it make any Doreen if the Russian words they demanded were pronouns? Even more so when the words they demand are made up gobbledygook.

No, you understand.

They're using the special status that declaring trans confers to get away with manipulative controlling behaviour. This behaviour confuses you, makes you second guess yourself, and the difficulty of their demands uses up some of your available processing power. All of which keeps you from attending to your gut feelings and perhaps even your senses about who they are and what they do. Quite apart from being irrelevant to the learning.

I have adhd and can tell you that I would not be able to cope with their demands and coming from a person in a position of power would leave me scared. I'm somewhat uncomfortable with neurodivergence being used to justify this kind of behaviour.

You say it is a professional qualification. I really hope it is something like accountancy, or IT, in which case head down, crack on. If it is something with any interpersonal component such as counselling or even osteopathy, then I think you have a problem and that vital aspects of your learning have been compromised.

@FlowersBloomInAutumn

This is so helpful - thankyou. I don't know why I'm getting so wound up with it all. The whole thing makes me feel unsafe - which I guess is the first reflection point.

@FunnyTalks

My heart sighed reading your thoughts. My training is interpersonal.

@FunnyTalks and I don't know how to navigate this. My heart is freting and confused but my mind is saying head down and do what you need to do.

@FlowersBloomInAutumn im wondering whether you know who I am and who this person is? Your advice is very in keeping with what I'm been advised to do in the past (relating to other things)

It’s manipulative, controlling narcissistic behaviour by this person OP. And it’s currently endorsed pretty much everywhere. I would feel just as much unease as you. And irritation.

Sorry I have no advice because this absolute shitshow leaves most of us feeling powerless

@AtrociousCircumstance

Your validation is greatly appreciated. For me to even question is would trigger an accusation of prejudice.

Bloody hell, reading that was a trip.

@OriginalUsername2 😂 I agree - I'll be referring to them by name

@AtrociousCircumstance having experienced controlling and narc behaviour growing up I think this forms a huge part of me feeling so unsettled by it

Yes it’s ultimate control. You HAVE to use those pronouns or you will be immediately condemned as a hateful bigot. But it goes against what you know to be reality.

War is peace, freedom is slavery etc.

www.womensrights.network

So you can feel less alone OP x

Never interrupt someone who is making a mistake.

Enjoy the bonanza peak transing of people.

He is an abusive man if an accidental misgendering is enough for him to try to ruin someone, especially middle aged women per an earlier post. Classic misogynistic behaviour. The reason he changes his pronouns is to catch people off guard. It's nothing to do with how he identifies, and everything with wanting to control women others.

Remember that gender critical views are protected by law. (Bizarre it even has to be, given that GC views are entirely factual. But that's another discussion.)

He's just a common garden narcissistic misogynist.

I fear your conclusion of him may be right. Given what I'm training in and their power, it physically hurts me owing to the complete irony and dissonance it causes me.

@AtrociousCircumstance

Thankyou

OP I am really sorry. I have had a slightly similar experience - although not pronouns related - of a toxic course leader in an environment which was very unsupportive. Utterly at odds with the content of the profession being taught. I'm actually wondering if it was the same place because I can imagine your scenario happening where I trained, sadly.

Is it safe for you to talk to any of your peers? I fully get that it might not be. Trans ideology has infiltrated quite a few professions, even when it seems to go directly against the ethos. I bet there are others, watching aghast, like you.

@FunnyTalks

There are others who feel the same who this person has harmed. But we have to do it hushed.

@FunnyTalks as coming out with our thoughts risks us being called prejudiced which contradicts in what we are training in

All true, but the problem is with bellends like "pers" and this societal lunacy, the pronouns, behaviour and culture interact on a meta level and pronouns simultaneously become the tool to enact , get away with and be protected from criticism.

It's the perfect double bind -A narcissist's wet dream.

Non-binary people will generally be OK with they/them. People may put neopronouns in their signatures / bios but in the community, they don't really get used much and when they do, it's often done in a quite tokenistic way. They've been around since the ?1990s but have never really caught on and continue to not really catch on.

I would out of politeness if the person told me they were a she/her or he/him whatever, I'd respect it, but the non binary neo pronoun garbage is ridiculous and nobody should be expected to entertain someone who is clearly so self obsessed they have nothing better to do than think up nonsensical pronouns.