Neo/pronouns

[Sparklybutold]

I am currently studying part time. The course organiser is trans non binary. I have always felt uncertain by this person. Digged deep to see whether it's a prejudice, but they trigger a nervous system response which screams inwardly ‘dont trust’. Last year - they were they/them. This year per/pers. I can't decide whether it's to keep us on our toes owing to what I'm studying or if it reflects a genuine choice. If both are non binary why change? I've been informed by someone else it's a case of what feels right for them. My heads in a bit of a spin with it.

@PaterPower

It's actually a professional course

@PorkPieAndAPickledOnion

You would be forgiven to think this may be untrue, but I'm afraid it is not and is the reality of something I'm trying to get my head around.

As far as I'm aware there's nothing stopping me from posting on two threads - is there?

I just thought it may attract different opinions - which I guess is my motivation

I wonder why you did? Hoping to get different answers? I’m interested. If you’re a regular user you’ll know that people with an agenda often post goady threads here, so people can be a little suspicious.

Log it all in your own records, and then write a dissertation about it, a la David Attenborough?

@PorkPieAndAPickledOnion

It really wasn't meant to be goady

Aibu because I'm wondering whether I'm actually being unreasonable I'm even questioning it and then here owing to the feminist angle

@FlowersBloomInAutumn

Owing to how powerful this one person is becoming I am purposefully steering clear of anything gender or sex related. I'm keeping my head down, doing what I need to do and walking away. I know I'm not the only one taking this tactic.

The irony is this approach is staggering as I know this person was born male.

So as a woman, I'm staying quiet and being 'a good girl'

For me pronouns - and neo-pronouns (made-up shite) in particular - make my skin crawl, because it’s essentially a form of control over you. It’s compelling speech, and I have an almost visceral response to that from anyone. I would keep my head down and have as little interaction with the person as possible, only ever using their name, not the made up words.

@Gettingbythanks this is my kinda thinking tbh.

Sorry, I was being flippant.
I agree with Gettingbythanks, particularly:
"...it’s essentially a form of control over you. It’s compelling speech..."

A man on a strong power kick. A man who sees himself as a puppetmaster.
Keep your head down for your own survival, yes indeed.

But also, if you can, keep your own private contemporaneous notes and records, such as your post here, as a learning resource for your future and the future generally.

Per/pers?! How ridiculous

This is a joke right

Yes, it is absolute bollocks. But when weaponised by men who can break our academic courses, or our careers....

Wasn't there something a few years ago called "Me Too"?

Kicked off with a sex predator called Harvey Weinstein?

Surely being trans and non- binary cancel each other out? Trans is when you become the gender opposite to the one that goes with your biological sex precisely because you identify more strongly with the opposite gender.

Non binary is saying you are neither one gender nor the other.

@AuntTwacky

No. Sadly it is not.

@FlowersBloomInAutumn

Thing is if I call it out for being nonsense I will be accused of prejudice and discrimination and worse case , could get kicked off my course.

@HaveringWavering oh havering wavering, I think it's the inbuilt confusion that's unsettling me.

As I understand it, from googling, trans non binary because the person wavers in and out between masc and fem and then I guess there's the element of not abiding by the binary of gender. I think?

Don't feel you have to call it out, if it's unsafe - in any way - for you to do so. It is very often unsafe for women to challenge men on just about anything, really, that men may take exception to. Especially men who are in a position of power over us.

Keep your head down, don't get involved in challenging him on this, get on with your own work as best you can.
But be observant. Look and watch how other people are interacting with this man, and how he responds.
Make your own private notes of this experience, keep your private diary, your evidence of how this is making you feel. Could be a useful learning resource

We’re in the mess we’re in now because we’ve (collectively) indulged pricks like your lecturer in their bid to be ‘speshul’

This

"We’re in the mess we’re in now because we’ve (collectively) indulged pricks like your lecturer in their bid to be ‘speshul"

Oh yes indeed. And the consequent scope for them to play with manipulating people to their own will and ever-changing pronouns and identity.

My neo pronouns are Deez/Nutz

Well yes, and my chosen pronouns are "SHE!!!! GODDESS OF THE UNIVERSE AND HER WOT MUST BE OBEYED!!!!*
But I've still got to do the family shop in Tesco tomorrow and I don't think anyone is going to bow to me in Tesco as such. Ah well.

So why are we being forced to similar flights of fantasy when it's a male college lecturer on an ego-trip?

I think there's 3 issues here:
1 are you allowed to dislike our mistrust someone, for any reason? Yes of course! Including silly pronouns. We all have people we don't like in our professional life, we can choose to ignore them, keep the peace, leave etc
2 you say they have actually behaved in some ways that have caused problems as well, try to see that separately ...
3 should you respect preferred pronouns however daft? Well that depends on your institutions level of capture and jobs worthness of other staff and how much you want to risk yourself.