I may get flames for posting, here of all places, but have found there is just nowhere else to have this view.
I’ve lurked on MN for many years, occasionally post or contribute to threads, and I haven’t name changed. It’ll be a long one so please bear with me.
So, for background I’m a mid 30s female to male transsexual
began my transition at 18
have had full gender reassignment surgery and am considered for all intents and purposes ‘Male’
HOWEVER
i am fully aware that I have not, and cannot ‘change’ my sex.
I can (and have) cosmetically change my body to make it appear more masculine, but I’m fully aware that it’s still essentially a female body that has been surgically altered.
I can (and have) get my legally sex changed on paperwork, I can get a new birth certificate
but I’m aware that it doesn’t change my sex at birth, or on any document prior to the legal change
nor does it change my chromosomes or DNA
When I began my transition, the world wasn’t the woke place it is now, most trans people were much older than me, you couldn’t readily access gender identity services and most GPs hadn’t even heard of them.There was no provision for children to be diagnosed or treated for gender related issues. You quite rightly had to wait until you were an adult to make choices about your life/body.
Whilst I don’t regret my choices, and am far happier in my life. I also recognise that a lot of my childhood was traumatic, abusive and extremely stereotypical.
I do not rule out that had I been allowed to express the more ‘masculine’ aspects of my personality, I may have felt more comfortable in my own skin.
The world has changed however,
and though I sound ‘belong’ to the trans community, I do not.
for several reasons
- Because I no longer feel the need to label my gender, or sexuality,
- Because largely the trans community is toxic and if you don’t fit their narrow minded (ironic I know) view of what it means to be trans, you are unwelcome.
I did what I did, I changed my paperwork, I changed my body, i reinvented myself in to someone I felt more comfortable as, but I did it quietly, privately and without forcing my views down anyones throat.
Once I began to present as make, I stopped using female only spaces, because It wasn’t right for me to do so.
I could not demand to be validated as a man, and then chose the female aspects of life I preferred.
As someone who has been assaulted, both prior to and after my transition, I recognise everyone’s right to feel safe.
I recognise that in sexual terms, a trans woman with a penis is just as much of a threat as a man with a penis. Likewise, a trans man who has had surgery, or has had body altering hormones etc.
I do not believe single sex spaces should be eradicated, or that self identifying as another gender gives anyone the right to access spaces they otherwise would be denied access to.
i can understand that as a trans woman you may feel uncomfortable in a male space, as there will always be others who view you as a threat and attack,
I faced this myself prior to surgery when I felt unable to use female spaces but was concerned about my safety in male spaces
i chose to use alternative facilities, family or disabled changing, I chose to pee or change at home. I did not force myself or my opinions in to other peoples spaces.
i fully acknowledge that WOMEN menstruate.
not people
I menstruated, until I was given MALE hormones.
Saying that women menstruate, give birth, breastfeed etc, isn’t disrespectful or triggering it’s just a biological fact.
I use male pronouns, because legally my sex is male and if you saw me, you’d naturally use male pronouns.
I don’t announce them, I don’t demand anyone else use them,
nor do I demand to know anyone else’s.
i feel that it’s discriminatory to include pronouns on things like emails and name badges etc.
it implies that someone’s gender is relevant when I’m most cases it is not.
if I have a query with a company knowing the pronouns of the individual I’m communicating with doesn’t answer my questions or fix my problem.
What it does do is allow misogyny within organisations but allowing pronouns to dictate how someone is treated.
and finally, as a huge Harry Potter fan I’ve always loved JKR
so when I first started hearing that she has said trans people didn’t exist and she was transphobic etc etc
i didn’t post it all over social media, or. In my Harry Potter merch.
i READ what she had said.
and she was RIGHT
and in no way being homophobic, she literally acknowledged that genuine trans people were not who she was talking about.
Yes, There is a small percentage of people who are truly trans, have dysphasia etc, which after all is a mental illness.
but the vast majority now, are young boys who are effeminate, young women who are butch, they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, androgynous, abused, or unwell people (often children) who instead of being accepted and learning to accept themselves, or being treated and given support for genuine mental health issues, are being sold the lie that they are trans, non binary etc, that they are marginalised, and discriminated against
Theyre ‘coming out’ to fit in
Their normal bodily changes are being medically prevented because they prefer playing with Lego to barbie
Or they like ballet and not football so they must be trans, because changing their gender will solve all of their issues.
She was right to stand up for women
Right to say sex cannot be changed
Next, I heard ‘JKR wrote a book about a trans woman who kills women’
so I READ the book, which isn’t remotely about a murderous trans woman.
in fact her previous book did have a minor trans character, and she treated it very sensitively
Then recent ‘JRKs new book is about a woman who is persecuted and killed for being transphobic’
so guess what? I read that one too,
and transphobia is mentioned in passing once,
The murdered individual is actually said to be ableist, and that isn’t why they were killed.
I despair at the world we live in
im all for equality
But it isn’t equality to expect special treatment
it isn’t equality to eradicate someone else’s rights or safety in favour of your own
it isn’t equality to shove your beliefs in someone else’s face and then tell them they’re wrong because their beliefs differ
But
i can’t voice any of this
because if I don’t jump on the bandwagon and create uproar because someone’s ‘erasing my identity’ by stating facts,
Then my identity will be invalidated by the very community to which I am supposed to belong