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“Queer tourists”
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GenuinelyCurious123 · 04/08/2022 19:52

For any LGBT+ people out there, how do you feel about celebrities such as Jameela Jamil or Demi Lovato claiming to be “queer” or non-binary?

Jameela Jamil is in a long-term relationship with a man.

Demi Lovato, as far as I know, is also in a heterosexual relationship and presents in a feminine way. She previously used they/them pronouns because she wasn’t sure which toilet to use - she didn’t feel male or female, you see - but now she feels more “feminine” again, she has gone back to she/her.

Please can someone explain: in what way are these women queer???

Doesn’t it annoy actual gay or trans people when these non-entities try to jump on the bandwagon just to generate publicity for themselves?

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carbanana · 07/08/2022 22:58

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:01

Do you remember the reasoning or any further details carbanana? I'm genuinely intrigued if I how I would 'change the energy' and how the lesbians in the room would even know I'm also attracted to men, I don't wear a badge!

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the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:05

Do you remember the reasoning or any details behind that carbanana? How would the lesbians in the room even know that that person was also attracted to men, how does this 'change in energy' work, we don't wear badges!

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ohblowmedown · 07/08/2022 23:14

I'm confused as to why anybody needs to announce or come out as anything 🤷🏼‍♀️

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the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:16

Because we are tired of everyone assuming we're straight, having to hide who we are and staying in the closet like it's the 1940s?

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ohblowmedown · 07/08/2022 23:26

the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:16

Because we are tired of everyone assuming we're straight, having to hide who we are and staying in the closet like it's the 1940s?

I'm not suggesting anyone hides anything either. I just don't see why a celebrity who's in a long term relationship needs to announce who else they may be attracted to. Who cares? Just live your life.

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carbanana · 07/08/2022 23:28

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

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Antarcticant · 07/08/2022 23:29

the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 22:46

To be honest it saddens me that some people might think I'm a 'tourist' or somehow 'pretending' to be Bi 'for attention' just because I happen to be currently in a relationship with a man. I've heard people say Bi people are 'confused' or it's just a 'phase', since I've known I liked both men and women since I was 7 years old and had relationships I would have to disagree

This is exactly why I am not 'out' as bisexual except to my husband, parents and sister.

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bellinisurge · 07/08/2022 23:30

Queer appears to mean a person who thinks everyone who isn't queer has missionary position sex.

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the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:52

Thanks carbanana I was struggling to see how she would know they were Bi, but her mentioning boundaries and saying no to men gives me a clue. E.g. Not to be crude but if I were in a Lesbian space and talking about 'loving the D' then I would definitely get it! (Not the D obviously)Blush

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the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:53

"I'm not suggesting anyone hides anything either. I just don't see why a celebrity who's in a long term relationship needs to announce who else they may be attracted to. Who cares? Just live your life."

Well clearly they do care or they wouldn't be making posts on Internet forums calling us tourists

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the winter soldier · 07/08/2022 23:56

"This is exactly why I am not 'out' as bisexual except to my husband, parents and sister."

I hear you, it's wearying isn't it.

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ArcheryAnnie · 08/08/2022 06:50

I'm bisexual and think it's absolutely fine for lesbians to have boundaries. If lesbians want lesbian-only space they are entitled to it.

I am fed up with fellow bisexuals who do things like, for example, insist on taking their opposite-sex partners to Pride, or to gay bars or social spaces, and performatively do PDA. Yes, bisexuals have opposite-sex partners as well as same-sex partners. No, gay people don't need heterosexual snogging pushed in their faces on the few occasions they are in gay-majority or gay-celebratory spaces.

As for "coming out" as bisexual when you are in a heterosexual relationship: why? What does it matter? Your life isn't being circumscribed in any way by being bisexual at that point.

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FrancescaContini · 08/08/2022 06:55

bellinisurge · 07/08/2022 23:30

Queer appears to mean a person who thinks everyone who isn't queer has missionary position sex.

Thank for clarifying this 😆it’s pretty much what I had concluded myself.

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RightsHoardingRaptor · 08/08/2022 06:57

I didn't take their comments as to do with sexuality but rather their ideas on gender identity, which I agree in their position is clutching at straws to get on the queer bus.

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the winter soldier · 08/08/2022 10:35

ArcheryAnnie · 08/08/2022 06:50

I'm bisexual and think it's absolutely fine for lesbians to have boundaries. If lesbians want lesbian-only space they are entitled to it.

I am fed up with fellow bisexuals who do things like, for example, insist on taking their opposite-sex partners to Pride, or to gay bars or social spaces, and performatively do PDA. Yes, bisexuals have opposite-sex partners as well as same-sex partners. No, gay people don't need heterosexual snogging pushed in their faces on the few occasions they are in gay-majority or gay-celebratory spaces.

As for "coming out" as bisexual when you are in a heterosexual relationship: why? What does it matter? Your life isn't being circumscribed in any way by being bisexual at that point.

I do agree, I wouldn't do any of those things. As for 'coming out' I wish we didn't have to, I wish it was just assumed that our relationships could be with men or women and 'coming out' didn't need to be a thing. An example of when I, as a bi-sexual woman currently in a relationship with a man, would need to 'come out' or 'choose to remain closeted' happened recently. We were all talking at work about visiting Paris, I'd been there with a previous girlfriend. If people didn't know I'd have been turning myself in knots not to mention her name or use the wrong pronoun for fear of outing myself. Another example is when we were talking about people on TV we found attractive in a 'hot' sense. I'd have to try to remember which people 'knew' or not, so as to not mention the half of the people that would put me. Surely as a bi-sexual woman yourself you recognize it still impacts our life? Either closeted or out.

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Antarcticant · 08/08/2022 11:00

As for "coming out" as bisexual when you are in a heterosexual relationship: why? What does it matter? Your life isn't being circumscribed in any way by being bisexual at that point.

If you are closeted, it does mean you have to watch what you say about your past, and sometimes your feelings/experiences in general.

I've no desire to go to Pride - I don't like crowds - and I am not one for public snogging in any circumstances.

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Trying20 · 08/08/2022 11:21

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

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FilePhoto · 08/08/2022 11:38

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

This is how DS1 came out to me. "Oh my friend I was talking to is my boyfriend"

I'd love a world where this was normal. Rather than the constant assumptions that he has a GF.

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CrowUpNorth · 08/08/2022 14:02

We were using queer at pride and in zines 25 years ago. It's also an insult if used as such, just in the way that someone sneering 'gay' or harassing someone for being a 'lesbian'.

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BiscuitLover3678 · 08/08/2022 14:55

Wow this biphobia is… so nasty and unnecessary.

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Trying20 · 08/08/2022 16:59

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FilePhoto · 08/08/2022 17:38

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Yes I think "do you have a partner?" Is becoming a much more common question. Which is great.

DS could probably pass as straight too. He's neither particularly masculine, or effeminate.

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Stabbitystabstab · 08/08/2022 18:32

bellinisurge · 07/08/2022 23:30

Queer appears to mean a person who thinks everyone who isn't queer has missionary position sex.

Ha! That's quite a good point!

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Abhannmor · 09/08/2022 09:03

Stabbitystabstab · 08/08/2022 18:32

Ha! That's quite a good point!

Or doesn't have sex at all. Everyone who isn't queer is basically Mrs Doyle.

Actually , I'm quite taken with that idea. Time for a nice cup of tea.

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