Books to help my daughter embrace being a girl

[GrabbyGabby]

I have a gender non conforming, neurodiverse 7 year old girl.

She is starting to learn more about rhe biological reality of being a girl, and she doesn't like what she is hearing, saying she would rather be a boy. I don't think she wants to be a boy, I think there are elements of being a girl that she is scared of and i cant say as i blame her.

I want her to understand her body as it is now and what it will become and not be scared. I want her to see role models of all types of women (the cunty ones), butch lesbians, glamorous ladies, clever, strong and powerful women to inspire her.

What books / resources would you recommend? Feel like i need to get ahead of this one.

www.amightygirl.com/

A picture book but my now 8 year old always liked this one.

"Bills new frock" by Ann Fine is a good book for conversation starting around sexism and why people treat girls differently. The main character is a boy so maybe not what you are looking for but something a bit different www.goodreads.com/book/show/1037891.Bill_s_New_Frock

Amanda Gorman.. Simone BIles... Megan Rapino.... are all quite prominent at the moment - worth pointing out as current awesome role models who are changing the world. (American focused .. but hopefully still relevant.)

Outside of books, if what she has learned about the biological reality of womanhood is making her unhappy, I'd also make very sure I'm also teaching her the positives. Yes men are stronger, faster and don't have periods. Women on the other hand have significantly better ultra endurance, better recovery times. We have stronger immune systems and having just lived through a pandemic we all know how important that is. We live longer on average. We're better at multi-tasking, we have better facial recognition, better memories, we're better at reading non-verbal facial cues.

As he gets older, I teach my DS about the differences between men and women. As it's important that he understands that from around now, he's 9, he is getting stronger and faster than the girls he plays with and he may need to be more careful depending on the game he's playing. But I also teach him that women have physical advantages and that the differences between sexes have helped our species succeed as well as we have. It's very important that everyone actually understands the physical differences between males and females but it's also just as important that we don't make being female seem like we got the short straw.

Wow, this is a cracking thread.

In terms or role modelling, we have a very gender balanced house. I am the main earner, i work in STEM, DP was a SAHD now back at work and we share parenting pretty equally.

DD not the sportiest, and she struggles with team work, but does enjoy exercise and i talk alot about being strong and healthy, messages she really responds to. Love the suggestions of how to get this off the page and into real life.

@RaisingAgent our daughters sound v similar. She definitely prefers the company of boys, her main hobby is minecraft. She is not tuned in at all to how the girls tend to socialise but isnt really accepted as one of the boys.

I have been introducing bits and bobs about reproduction and periods. Periods have freaked her out so backing off that for a bit. I talk to her alot about her birth and how incredible it was.

I think that the best would be books that emphasize that females need not conform to a traditional role, and have all kinds of options; e.g. you can be a girl and still like Minecraft, adventures, etc.

i agree with the recommendation by pp of the 'Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls' series. Also Kate Pankhurst's 'Fantastically Great Women'; etc.

And as wanderingowl states: point out that women have certain physical advantages; tend to live longer, better immunity to many illnesses (e.g. found to be less likely to die of Covid), etc.

Joey Bettany gender non conforming????? I am a huge Chalet school fan but I wouldn't have called her gender non conforming.

I still think the whole Dragonflight/Pern books by Ann McAffrey are excellent for both sexes - recommend highly.

On the one hand, Joey Bettany has innumerable children, but on the other hand, she is also an extremely successful novelist. She isn't financially reliant on her doctor husband, although he certainly rules the roost.

Having said that, the Chalet School books are tremendous fun (in a way), but extremely old-fashioned, and not really what I think the OP was looking for. Hardly any of their alumnae manage to have both a career and a family. Joey wouldn't if she didn't have unlimited domestic help. Some of them go to university or train for a profession, but throw it all up with delight once they marry (usually a doctor, of course). The ones who don't marry put a brave face on things and carry on with their careers. Obviously the unmarried women don't have children, and the married women don't divorce. The very thought!

What about Ballet Shoes? Three little girls who work hard and all have a dream of succeeding in their careers. Petrova (my favourite) is gender nonconforming in modern terms. She wants to be an engineer and a pilot, loves helping the lodger with a garage with his engine repairs and oil changes.

Another vote also for the Swallows and Amazons series. Lots of strong, tough, active girls in those stories. Nancy Blackett is arguably the leader.

In due course, also Terry Pratchett's Discworld for children series, featuring Tiffany Aching. What a brilliant writer of female characters he was.

The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tiler by Gene Kemp is a good read. There is no indication that Tyke is a girl till the very last chapter and no reason bar assumption that she shouldn't be

I loved Ballet Shoes- and all the sequels- the girls’ independence really appealed to me. Pippi Longstocking’s independence did too.

Worst Witch books are also great. As a child I liked girls’ school books because of the diversity of female characters and of their relationships with each other.

So many children’s books still present female characters as one- dimensional and often in competition with each other for male approval, or totally loathsome if they don’t conform to patriarchal standards. I’m looking at you, Roald Dahl and David Walliams…

Other 1980s kids’ authors have stood the test of time. Michelle Magorian and Geraldine Kaye have both written interesting books with lead girl characters with an authenticity to different female experiences that have gone down well.

Maybe it’s for another thread but trying to navigate the politics underneath the Heartstopper series with teens is pretty interesting.

My dd7 has just loved dick kings Smith the queen's nose.

Dick King-Smith's 'Sophie' books are also good from this point of view.

I agree with @YetAnotherSpartacus and @ferretface re-visit pony books. Girls looking after ponies have to be strong (horses are big and hay is heavy!) and brave (all that falling off) and like (or put-up with) getting mucky and also learn to stick at a thing. The Jinny series, the Jill series - both excellent. I like Jill's disdain for her cousin pre-occupation with school stories and girly things as well as her grittiness and ability to rise from her disasters.

Jill series is being republished with additional titles added by Jane Badger Books - the first one in the series is Jill's Gymkhana by Ruby Ferguson.

The first Jinny book is For Love of a Horse by Patricia Leitch.

The Jinny books are a bit darker in mood - I'd try the Jill books first.

I think a wholesale revival of the pony book genre would be great for girls' esteem whatever personality type children have.

Thank you for the recommendations upthread for Break the Mould and
Strong is the New Pretty.

They both look really good for taking focus off appearance and on to strengths, being yourself, and finding what you want to do and what sort of person you want to be (I've just ordered one for myself and I'm 57 :) )

And lovely reminders of the pony books - they're the exact ones that I loved.

Second the earlier comment of the Polar Bear Explorers' Club (has a sequel trilogy with more good female characters) and would also say the Operation Bunny Series for similar.

I’d question what kind of things she’s being exposed to if at 7, she’s already internalised Girl and Boy Things. Schools should be working to ensure that these stereotypes are stamped out at school; is your household very traditional and is there anyone in her life pushing stereotypes to the extent she feels she must be girling wrong if she doesn’t like dollies/pink etc?

also don’t forget boys doing “girl” things as role models too. I think this is at least as important.

Oh, and also the Nevermoor series by Jessica Townsend - a bit more of a challenging read but a great protagonist

Go back to basics with Our Bodies Ourselves by Germain Greer

Coming on to recommend this for puberty. You can dip in and out with the very good contents section. Fun pictures (balloons of different vsizes and shapes to show how our breasts are different from one another. Sections on what wearing heels does to. Really good.

The other one already mentioned is Milli Hills period book written in a fun engaging way.

Would not recommend this book it is full of gender woo even though it's supposed to be about growing up as autistic, definitely not for children.

I think you're a bit naive about 7 year olds in 2022. We hugely restrict screen time and I'm constantly reinforcing feminist messages at home yet my 7yo still comes home from school wanting to spend all her time painting nails, doing hair etc. and comes out with odd beliefs about what women can or can't do. It's through friends who sit on YouTube, watch Netflix which is full of stereotyped shows and also books they share (dork diaries is particularly awful). School are pretty good at discussing and challenging stereotypes but they're up against a tsunami of social and cultural sources of bias that cancels the teachers voice out in an instant.

My DD is reading this at the moment, it's great!