Books to help my daughter embrace being a girl

[GrabbyGabby]

I have a gender non conforming, neurodiverse 7 year old girl.

She is starting to learn more about rhe biological reality of being a girl, and she doesn't like what she is hearing, saying she would rather be a boy. I don't think she wants to be a boy, I think there are elements of being a girl that she is scared of and i cant say as i blame her.

I want her to understand her body as it is now and what it will become and not be scared. I want her to see role models of all types of women (the cunty ones), butch lesbians, glamorous ladies, clever, strong and powerful women to inspire her.

What books / resources would you recommend? Feel like i need to get ahead of this one.

Have a look at A Mighty Girl which specialises in books and other resources for raising strong girls. It’s American but does feature U.K. titles too.

www.amightygirl.com/

Here’s an example book on Body Positivity.

www.amightygirl.com/blog?p=36164

I agree that finding strong female characters is a good way to help with this. My girls love The Worst Witch, and we've just discovered The Princess In Black series, which is fun. And of course Hermione, Ginny and Luna (as well as Neville) are the best characters in the Harry Potter books.

Lots of resources here www.amightygirl.com

Blueberry Girl, by Neil Gaiman (written for a pregnant Tori Amos), is lovely.

I don’t wish to derail such a nice thread, but wow, I’m speechless at the rhetoric here. If you’re not impressive enough your daughters won’t want to be women? “I’m trans because my mother is disappointing to me”? Nice one with the mother and woman-blaming.

True later on, but as a child in the books she’s clever, feisty and supportive of the other girls - and brave, taking risks to rescue others on many occasions. And I say this as someone who always really resented the “cult of Jo” in TCS; but you can’t say girl Jo was particularly conformist!

It's a fantastic time for women's sport on mainstream TV at the moment - are you watching the football with her?

Clangers,

1. What do you mean, rhetoric? It's written in plain conversational English.
2. I found that post really inspiring. It's nice, as a mother, to be reminded that being powerful is in our daughters' interests too, instead of being at the expense of being a good mother (which is how it's often presented or unconsciously viewed in our culture). I have often reflected, as an adult, how glad I am to have an assertive, plain-speaking, independent mother; it surely does give a girl implicit permission to take up space, as it were. It's also empowering, I think, to be encouraged to realise our own influence instead of reaching for the right book to give. As for it laying blame on mothers, surely that could be said of any advice that linked parenting to likely outcomes and suggested preventative strategies. I think it's valuable that an experienced therapist is sharing what she has actually found in her work. I'm sure she's not suggesting it's the only factor, just that as female role models go, a flesh-and-blood mother outweighs a paper-and-ink Jo March (feel free to disagree).

Dr Janina Ramirez has written a new book called ‘Goddess: 50 Goddesses, Spirits, Saints and Other Female Figures Who Have Shaped Belief’ with the British Museum, which looks awesome, and is really clear about the importance of female figures in the history of belief. I saw her talk about it at Hay Festival and she had dozens of girls queuing to meet her and get a signed copy.

Another vote for the Worst Witch.

The tech will be a bit dated now, but The Demon Headmaster series has a great female lead.

Operation Gadgetman by Malorie Blackman is also very good (but take care - most of her other books for kids are pitched a bit older and are a bit creepy / scary for a 7-year old!).

Binny for Short (and sequels) by Hillary McKay are very good and I think appropriate for a 7-year old. Some of Hillary McKay's other novels are also excellent, but probably better for tweens/teens.

There is always Jacqueline Wilson, who almost always has mostly female characters - Tracy Beaker and Double Act are classics.

Also Onjali Q Rauf has some good books with female leads. I think The Boy at the back of the class is her most well-known and (despite the title) is told from the perspective of a girl (who goes on an excellent fast-paced adventure across London). Not sure if good for 7yo, but should be good for 9-11.

Similarly, another really good, older book is When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit by Judith Kerr. That's probably a good one for age 10-11 too (with adult support - features death by suicide). It's the author's autobiography and she went on to write Mog the Forgetful Cat etc, so she's pretty awesome all round. There are 2 sequels that are equally good but pitched for a much older (teen/adult) reader - tried to read the 2nd one age 11 and was totally confused/bored.

For a bit older, Frances Hardinge has some great heroines. I particularly like A face like glass but again more for older primary age I think.

You could try Mallory Towers etc by Blyton, but depends on your tolerance for boards school novels and "I say, that's simply topping" dialogue.

I would avoid the goodnight stories for rebel girls. It features a hoy who realised he was a girl because he liked pink and dollies.

Gertrude Bell is an absolute inspiration. She broke the mould, achieved so much (yet it was the men that got recognised eg Lawrence of Arabia). She’s probably too young to read books about her, but perhaps you could read with her. She’s an absolute legend in my eyes.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gertrude_Bell

That was not what I said at all. I knew trans presenting teens whose desire to be mothers like their own held them back from seeking medicalisation.

Ivy and Bean.
First chapter books about two little girls aged about seven, and their friends and siblings and family. American but not too much. In the stories they do ordinary stuff like playing in the garden and hiding from the babysitter. They have a lot of fun.
Hard to find in English bookshops but can order online. There are at least 12 in the series. Very funny, according to all the little girls I've ever given them to - they sneak a torch into bed to read under the covers and giggle to themselves.

It's "The Wolves of Willoughby Chase," not "The Wolves of Willoughby Hall." I don't mean to be pedantic; it's just that that was one of my absolute favorites when I was growing up. In fact I still have my old copy from childhood nestled in my bookshelf.

Peppermints in the Parlour, by Barbara Brooks Wallace, was another of my all-time favorites. It's a gothic mystery in the same vein as Wolves of Willoughby Chase.

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, by E. L. Konigsburg, was another childhood favorite. It's about a little girl who convinces her younger brother to run away with her. They flee their suburban home and wind up living secretly in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (NYC), and then go on to solve a big mystery in the art world.

The Pippi Longstocking books are also great. I can't think of a stronger and more independent young female character than Pippi Longstocking.

My favorite novel ever is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, by Betty Smith. It's not a kids/YA novel, but depending on your daughter's reading level it may be appropriate. It's a coming-of-age novel about a girl named Francie Nolan growing up in the slums of Brooklyn in the early 20th century.

I wonder whether actual activities rather than books will have more weight. Sports, outdoor activities, art, animal welfare, gardening, science. If "woman" means things like,

"Mary who does cool things with clay and fire",
"Joanne who did a channel swim relay",
"Caroline who went down the Thames with a canoe and a tent"
"Sarah who grows grapes and has a beach on her allotment "
"Margaret who can get a dog to do anything "
"Fiona who goes to New Zealand to tell them how to analyse the data from their scientific experiments"
I can't help but think it will have a profound and lasting effect. Because as we all know, books can be gateways into new truths but also, full of made up stuff and wishful thinking. It's much harder to discount lived experiences.

Hello OP, I am following with interest as your 7yo DD sounds a lot like my 5yo DD, including their neurodiversity.

My instinct for my own DD is that much of her thinking she would rather be a boy is an expression of her awareness that she is different to her peers, and trying to find an explanation to "fix" it.

DD knows she is autistic and we are talking about what that means. I've just bought the Sinead Burke book too, as someone mentioned up thread. I think this will be an evolving conversation that changes over the years. I am emphasising the positives but not sugar coating or minimising the very real challenges, as IME that's a waste of time and trust.

I also observe that even at this young age boys are much easier than girls for my DD to socialise with. There is less expectation, pressure, nuanced rules somehow. That is attractive too, to someone aware of being different and wanting to feel "normal".

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation's Fierce Girls podcast is great - biographies of influential and historical women told in the first person.

Second this. You can also sign up for their newsletter

I hope you have now bought a few books, booked a few podcasts.

She is just 7 years old, use your common sense.

My 15 year old, was once in that position - year 3 at school was tough for her, so much that I took her out of school for a bit and she was just her.. she was able to vocalise some of her needs and one of those was sport, finding the right team was important. She spent the next 3 years rejecting many many books that were presented to her, but found a some she really connected with and even had some back and forth correspondence with some of the authors, one of which visited her school.

We LOVED the Worst witch, Judy Moody, Ivy and Bean and Pippi Longstocking.

By the time she reached year 6, she was starting to make much more definite book choices and rejected many who did not have a female main character including Harry Potter. Some of these are too dark for a 7 year old in my opinion. ..

Maya Leonard (she made an exception for this one), Nevermore, Katherine Rundell, Sky Song by Abi Elphinstone, Lauren St John!! .A girl called Owl by Amy Wilson and Winter Magic which is a short story collection including stories from Piers Torday, Lauren St John and Abi Elphinstone.

My daughter didn't wear dresses between the age of 4 and well, very recently.. she wore boy shorts until very recently when they no longer fit her, never pink, no sparkles, pouffy sleeves, or frills. She loves dressing up and costumes, just strongly rejected what she saw around her. She is lucky in that she doesn't have to wear a uniform so she could wear trainers to school and we live somewhere where shopping is not a big deal so we can get away with dressing as she likes (lots of hunting on the internet for me, some specially made clothes etc. etc.)

Good luck!! You are not alone.

Interesting thread.
Agree it’s important to keep positive role models for our DDs so they are being female as positive especially when they are going through puberty and dealing with difficult body changes.
So many of my friend’s DCs are now identifying with the opposite gender. I really want my DCs to feel happy and proud of their own bodies.

Books can go so far, but I also agree with real life positive role models.
I think Sport is good - DD 10 has joined a girls football team, and we watched the women’s England football match the other night which was fantastic, we loved seeing all those strong women on tv!

Interesting the comment about mothers being important as strong role models too. I didn’t see that comment as a criticism, actually it made me think that I need to talk more positively about myself, about own role as a mother, and about my menopausal old body… it doesn’t come naturally to talk about how amazing we are!

I always buy 'Matilda' such a fun book and such a strong character.

I was going to recommend A Mighty Girl bit others have beaten me to it 🙂

The Facebook page is great as you get daily posts about real and fictional female role models. It'll help you keep the conversation going with your daughter.