Should I make a complaint?

[GatherlyGal]

So I was recently admitted to hospital with a gynae problem.

After 3 or 4 hours in A&E and feeling very faint and generally crap I was seen by the doctor who said he'd have to examine me before gynae would come and look at me.

To do the exam he said he'd need a chaperone and he called in a nurse. The nurse was wearing a women's uniform but was very obviously male - rainbow glasses, rainbow badges, lanyard etc.

Of course I SHOULD have objected but I didn't twig immediately and I just wasn't with it enough or brave enough to challenge. The nurse was fine and just stood behind the doc looking a bit awkward.

It just seems crazy to me to go to the trouble of finding a chaperone but choosing another male.

Would you complain? I am thinking more of other more vulnerable women particularly who have suffered abuse. If I had been asked I would have said "no thanks" but bringing it up myself was too difficult in the circumstances.

So I've sent my patient feedback confirming that I would have preferred, if a chaperone is a requirement, for that person to have been female. I also added that whatever the rules about chaperones, in my circumstances having no chaperone would have been better than having to have an intimate examination in a vulnerable state with 2 males present.

Let's see what the response is.

How do you know the person was male? Could they have just been a masculine/butch looking woman?

I am a trained chaperone. The chaperone isn't always the same sex as the person being examined.

@MamaFoxToBe the person was clearly male. Voice, size, face, plus they had rainbow glasses, lanyard several badges etc.

@RuthW ok but I have fed back that as a patient undergoing an intimate exam I would have preferred not to have 2 men in the room. Perhaps I am unreasonable in that but it is how I felt.

No.
But it does matter what sex they are.
She was vulnerable and uncomfortable. Their feelz don't trump hers.

Yes, please complain. It really is completely unacceptable.

Out of interest, if the chaperone had been a male nurse in male uniform, do you think you would have complained/said something at the time? Just following on the pp who said chaperone not always same sex as patient.

I think for intimate exams most of us would prefer a chaperone who is the same sex, this person was male and having two males isn’t really going to be reassuring for a female patient. The NHS has been know to lie about the sex of other patients on a female ward so they are equally likely to lie about the sex of their personnel. Hope you get better personal care next time, or that you won’t need it OP

@jetadore I wasn't thrilled by there being 2 males (however they were dressed). Although maybe there is also the point that the male doc went to find a chaperone and must have thought he was doing the right thing by asking the person in female clothes. That is a problem because of @Ramblingnamechanger 's point - does the NHS believe gender ID has now replaced sex?

So I've had a response to the issue I raised:

We are sorry that you felt uncomfortable during your examination, and that the process of chaperoning wasn't made clear to you. We have relayed your feedback to the clinician seeing you, and he will ensure he makes his communication regarding chaperones clearer in future.

We hope this letter answers your concerns, however if you remain dissatisfied ....

Not sure how to respond to it. The letter does not actually explain anything about the "process of chaperoning" so I could ask for clarification but it seems having 2 males in the room for an intimate exam is not something the hospital thinks in inappropriate.

It isn't the process hat is wrong, it is the sex of the chaperone that isn't made clear prior to the chaperone being let into the room.

They are so sneaky aren't they, making out like it was you not understanding the process.

I would ask them to put in writing this "process of chaperoning". It might even be on the website somewhere?

He needed the chaperone to protect himself against any false accusation. And a nurse wearing rainbow coloured accessories must be a male? Really?

And a nurse wearing rainbow coloured accessories must be a male?

I think there were probably a few other give aways regarding this person being male.

How dare you gaslight women like this? Absolutely disgusting. Of course a chaperone should be a woman.

Sounds like it is all about protecting the mens and fuck the women.

@Redlake are you suggesting I was wrong about the person being male? Sometimes it is hard to tell. On this occasion it was not.

Believe it or not the chaperone info on the website makes no mention whatsoever about the sex of the chaperone or the patient.

It is absolutely rage-inducing to read this thread alongside the thread about the anaesthetist sexually assaulting women having caesarean sections - and all the other similar examples in the Twitter thread.

Women are always vulnerable to male assault, but particularly so in a medical setting.

I agree @RoyalCorgi.

The letter asks me to arrange a call with an Emergency Dept senior clinician if I remain dissatisfied so I will do that. I wonder if the response will be that you get no choice of the sex of the chaperone or (worse) that the chaperone was a woman?

I find what you are saying confusing.

You were already being looked after by a male doctor. You could have asked to see female doctor as the examination you needed was the gynae type if you were uncomfortable/felt vulnerable with a man conducting it. You would then have also asked for a female chaperon.

The second person is just there to check/confirm that nothing inappropriate is happening. They don't have to be a woman.

Are you suggesting that any male healthcare professional is a potential issue?

Doctors in A&E are not mind-readers, they are not going to be able to work out you are having an issue like this unless you clearly tell them. Their priority is to examine and treat patients in a stressful environment.

What would your complain actually be about? were they not professional? did they actually do/say something that made you uncomfortable ? did you not get the right treatment?

The fact that they are male, which they can't do nothing about, is not in itself a reason to complain. The NHS is not always going to be able to give you female staff....they are busy keeping people alive.

@Whitehorsegirl given the choice my personal preference for an intimate examination would be a female doctor BUT of course in a&e you take what you get.

My issue is that without discussion the doctor brought in a chaperone - after he had asked me to undress. He did not ask if I wanted one or explain I had to have one he just brought in another male. There were many woman around and about.

I believe a lot of women would prefer not to be naked in front of 2 men. The doctor could have made my experience easier by bringing a woman into the room but he chose another man.

I don't think its that difficult to understand really.

Yes - that’s why there’s a chaperone.

I’m going to disagree with you OP - but not because it’s A and E and you take what you get.
I was assaulted by a male paediatric consultant in a hospital. One I knew well and would never have thought I’d be at risk from.
Its not nice to ever have intimate examinations.
However - for instance when I had my last c-section, the entire team were male. I can’t imagine why that would be a problem as they were all competent medics.
I think what is distressing for you is legitimate- no-one wants an unwanted person looking at you but you’ve also perhaps got to remember that it is policy to have- or usually offer - a chaperone for vaginal/anal/breast etc examinations. The medic in question should not be invested in looking at you in a sexual manner.
Thats where the protection for the clinician comes in - they have an extra pair of eyes to ensure the examination isn’t inappropriate. They are there for you and for the doctor (of whatever sex).
Thankfully most male medical staff do not see women or examination of women as sexual. Unfortunately, as I know personally, that’s not always the case.
I’m arguing that chaperones (I mean in the course of my legal action) should be standard and opting out should be something stated clearly.
its unfortunate that you felt uncomfortable with the chaperone as they appeared but I doubt he was there for the show. And I’m one of those constantly getting berated for being a “terf”, but in your situation I’d have been glad of the chaperone

I've always been offered a female chaperone at my Gps. Haven't always taken it but it's always been female.

They make a point of it being female