What does living authentically mean?

[Hiphopfrogger]

I see this a lot - I have to be true to myself/live authentically/see myself looking back at me in the mirror etc.

But what on earth does it mean, and why is it so important? Most of the time I’m too busy to even think about who I am (and barely look in a mirror!). Surely it’s better to consider what we DO, how we affect the people around us and what we can bring to the world, than just who we ARE.

I’m trying to not say anything that would get this thread deleted, but it seems this obsession with gender is so terribly inward looking, and something most women just don’t actually have any time for. Or do I have it all wrong?

I could have possibly answered this right up until the birth of my first child. My experiences (by no means all negative) have shattered any previous sense of authentic identity I had.

I learned that my identity matters shit to a baby that needs caring for or a loved on that is dying.

My identity matters shit to my employer who constantly favoured my male counterpart and then wondered why I struggled. I learned I am replaceable, preferably by a non gestating type of human.

It hurt to lose my sense of identity but perhaps there is freedom to be found here too? I think it is far better to invest energy into the present moment, the people you choose to spend your time with. I'd rather be judged for the actions I take than the proclamations about my personality. For a start, I'm really not that interesting!

That must be a big fridge magnet you got that from

In the arts world it means "real."

Is it an authentic Turner?

Is the jewellery authentic.

To skip through arts council hoops in education, you try to give authenticity to school projects- eg exhibit work in a gallery.

For people it seems to be "wearing or doing what I like."

Erm, no. Just trying to go through life without being a duplicitous prick. I’m not saying I’m all sweetness and light, I can be a right grumpy cow and if I don’t like someone or don’t want to do something I won’t do it, but I try to be upfront about it instead of letting people think they’re getting a different person entirely. I’ve seen lots of examples of humans who put across a soft, fluffy, “be kind” type persona, when they’re the nastiest most twisted people deep down/or in private. Just stand by your bullshit, recognise it, own it, and try to fix it, if it comes from something that can be fixed, which almost everything can with enough self reflection and the right tools.

I thought it was a good answer. Its a rebellious position to take under capitalism, since it depends entirely on your inner self and not any kind of ornamentation you can purchase.

And there you have it, your authentic answer. Not fridge magnet material, but real. You’re welcome

A few decades ago I was sitting in a student flat listening to young middle class english men talking about fascism and saving the planet and them smoking pot and how authentic they all were. Then one got out a guitar and sang Oh Danny Boy very earnestly and solemnly with an Irish accent. The others nodding along in solidarity, stoned, suddenly breaking out in Irish accents at the chorus. Still can’t hear that song without a laugh.

Reading with intrigue

Isn't it just being a twat that everyone laughs at behind their back?

I feel that "authentic" isn't really appropriate for describing people. It seems a little dehumanising to me. Humans can't be exactly what they claim to be or seem to be, because they're so complex (in terms of psychology, personal experience, emotions, relationships, background, etc.) that any adequate description would take far too long and be somewhat contradictory anyway. Authenticity is for things, not people.

It's a phrase that immediately makes me think "self-absorbed, immature, over-analysing, attention-seeking, twat" to be honest, especially when it's said over social media. I suppose it means not pretending to be something you're not, which is good, but why can't they just STFU about it rather than spout the "I have to be true to myself/live authentically/see myself looking back at me in the mirror" bollocks. So MeMeMe! nice to get that off my chest at last

The idea that you can be 'authentic' is premised on the idea that everyone has a OneTrueSelf which somehow determines what they are or what they should do. Almost every Disney movie and fridge magnet and cod philosophy promotes this idea.

But as someone said upthread, it is not true. People do not have OneTrueSelf and they can't solve their problems by finding that OneTrueSelf in a moment or revelation. Everyone has multiple selves in different contexts - daughter- mother- aunt - teacher- professor- friend - boss etc. and different aspects of these come to the fore in different contexts. So it doesn't make sense to say you must be authentic to your self when your self doesn't exist.

And that means that I find people who talk about finding their 'authentic self' are probably being less authentic and are searching for an illusion.

(In other contexts, be authentic is used to just mean be good and kind etc. no one stands up to say "I'm authentically mean and selfish and you should respect me for it")

I'm struggling to work out how a man using women's toilets proves that they are a woman or that the think they are a woman.

We once had a poster who was very fond of posting Ayn Rand to support their arguments.

It was well… enlightening, I must say.

Good answer... one might argue that one's authenticity is inverse proportion to how much time you spend talking about and promoting the idea of yourself being authentic

I've heard this before - that "non trans" people never question their gender. My colleague, who is non-binary, finds this bizarre, as they have seen many, many female people spend a great deal of their lives thinking about gender. I've been questioning lots and lots of things about mine for years, but the questions never get answered when I ask for anything more specific than nice soundbites.

It's actually borderline offensive imo to repeatedly insist that the people most disadvantaged by gender never question it. Tone-deaf and patronising at best.

There's something about honesty, but it isn't straightforward. I've never worried about what I put on social media (in terms of photos of me drunk, smoking pot etc) because I don't do that stuff. There's no dirt on me to dig up to embarrass me with when I'm the president! Haha.
That said, I don't spill my misery guts all over social media when I'm having a bad day, either.

We hide a lot of ourselves in public in order to be polite. If you park like a pillock, I'm not going to tell you. If I hate your hair, I won't tell you unless you really press me!

I don't think airing your rudest, innermost thoughts makes you authentic.

I have been very unhappy in the past because I was at the mercy of two contradictory internal voices. Authenticity for me has been about reconciling them.

There is nothing authentic about trying to look like someone else.

Really? Are you wondering if I’m that poster?

I have always wondered how identity politics fits in with her views of the individual. That’s it’s self above all others, regardless of the consequences. I know the old dot.com pioneers championed her back in the 90s, wonder if it’s made a come back in some groups

Dahlly

No. I didn’t. They were banned in the end I think, in a typical flame out of frustration that women would not agree with them, a transitioned male.

Ultimately I think that the fact that, depending who you ask, you might get any one of the following responses, suggests "living authentically" is meaningless above everything else:

• Not surgically or chemically changing your body to conform to societal expectations
• Not buying into the trappings of late capitalism
• Not being swayed by groupthink
• Following your interests
• Discovering your heritage
• Recognising and being at peace with your neurodiversity
• Surgically or chemically changing your body to conform to societal expectations

Or a Transman having children?
Surely that's a huge dysphoria trigger, yet apparently not, though calling them the mother is <confused>
Stop the world, I want to get off.

ah that’s interesting

Dahlly

For gender identity, It seemed to be a uncomfortable fit in some ways, and yet a good fit in others.

While I agree that's a correct definition I find that it's a concept often used by people who are naive or lack critical thinking. HR departments.

Being able to be open about for example your sexuality is important and no decent person wants to see a return to times when people had to pretend. That said, people must also be allowed to be open when it's right for them, and for some people that can be complicated. Your workplace might be diverse, but if your family or community are more conservative it may be more challenging to be out.

We also all of us pretend some of the time to be people we're not. Whether that's putting on a smile with your nurses uniform because patients don't need to know about your worries, or managing your introversion to give a competent presentation even though you will be exhausted later on, acting in role is a part of many jobs.

I also really worry about people misinterpreting it as a concept. I remember a young, new starter who was neurodiverse declaring that she was into anime and cosplaying in her "tell me something interesting about yourself" introduction. Just as we all pretend, most of us also don't share our whole selves at work. For good reasons.

Not looking to de-rail the thread at all - also: this is not about me, but: I shall use myself as an example, still:

I suppose one could say I was "authentically living as" an upper-MC corporate executive these days. I suppose I even "pass": I have the house and the car to go with the title. My hair and face are always nicely done - but in a "definitely not TOWIE" kind of way. I have the frequent flyer status and hotel loyalty scheme ranks that befit anyone of my status. When at a restaurant, I know which wine to order and how to make small talk about it. I read the business press and am always well informed about economic affairs from the point of view of a "gazillion dollar corporation". I look the part. I meet my business partners at the local golf club on a weekend sometimes.

And yet, I was born working-class, grew up on a rather rough estate. In my personal life, I prefer a pint over some fancy vintage. And on a weekend, I wear jeans from the high-street and my hair in a pony tail. I personally believe it's fundamentally wrong that some people - especially my own bosses, but even myself - make obscene amounts of money for ... basically: still a mystery to me what I actually do! The only reason why I moved out of my last place was because I realised my colleagues would be utterly terrified to come to my neighbourhood, and "entertaining" was expected.

Why I'm bringing this up: in some ways, I guess, I'm not that different from someone "authentically living as" female but having been born and brought up male. Or vice versa. Somewhat snarkily, I suppose I could be considered "trans class". I "pass" usually - but then, there are always these little moments that remind me I am not quite the same. When my (all very toff) colleagues speak about their childhood and refer to their parents as "mama" and "papa", for instance. When people, in genuine exasperation, bitch about the complications of inheritance, and I find myself thinking "yeah, sounds ... not fun. Never going to happen to me though, so, all good!"

Personal opinion: if you can't even properly "transition" in terms of such an obviously human made thing such as social class, I doubt that "authentically living as" something as fundamental as actually biologically different could work much better!