Puzzled by Guardian article

[TheSummerySilveryPussycat]

I hope it is OK to ask what this article means.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/may/30/i-am-queer-and-proud-even-though-i-am-now-married-to-a-man

The comments here are so bonkers.

Lesbophobia denial and insisting straight-passing people should walk happily into gay bars and be welcomed, and oh it’s so commonplace to be bi or gay and no one cares about your sexuality.

It’s the polar opposite of respecting boundaries, believing women, and sticking up for same sex attracted people in the face of unwanted treatment or intrusion.

I specifically commented on the post that claimed it was problematic explaining at breakfast in a hotel that 2 people of the same sex were sharing a room number.

I'm sorry but I find that utterly incredible. This happens and happened all the time for all sorts of reasons. I don't believe the person allocating the table could magically tell that the people were a couple in a relationship or just saving money.

I also specifically commented on the dimness of the writer who apparently lives in Prague but somehow managed to find the city's most miserable pub to spend Eurovision.

What was she doing there anyway? I suspect it was only to make a point that "queer" people are so much more exciting and glamorous and interesting than straight people; that the only options were the dreary venue or the gay pub. It's piffle, smug and patronising piffle.

she is bi and married to a man.
this makes her different and special, and better than you.
🥱

Neo nazi.

Reasoned discussion over.

*I specifically commented on the post that claimed it was problematic explaining at breakfast in a hotel that 2 people of the same sex were sharing a room number.

I'm sorry but I find that utterly incredible.*

You don’t seem very sorry at all.

I find it utterly incredible that you refuse to believe that same sex female couples experience being treated differently when travelling - otherwise known as homophobia.

Weird thread. Lots of homophobia-denial and insistence that straight people have every right to be in gay or queer spaces.

God knows but it was torturous to wade through. I didn’t realise that people “inhabit a sexual identity”. So much navel gazing. 🥱

I've spent months defending this Mumsnet section against accusations of anti-trans radicalisation and homophobia. But this might be among the most homophobic thread I've ever come across on the internet in recent years. Depressing.

Mixed feelings on that. Interesting perspective but reads very try hard.

Also, let’s normalise fluid sexuality and then none of this would even be a thing.

Very short article.

Yeah there is a lot of homophobia on this thread. All a bit sad and pathetic. Life is short ladies, come on.

The specific point I was referring to was this.

you do sometimes have to explain in hotels that yes, you are on the same room number for breakfast and do want to sit together

as being evidence of homophobia. Loads of people of the same sex share hotel rooms and have done so since hotels were invented. I don't believe the person allocating tables at breakfast magically distinguished between those who were a couple and those who were just saving the cost of a room.

@bellac11 reasoned discussion left the building way back, somewhere around this:

*You said that gay clubs are where gay people can escape homophobia for the night and straight people going there ruins that

Which implies that all straight people are homophobic and certainly ones going to gay clubs are homophobic*

There are a lot of acrobatics going on out of determination to paint this article and the writer as a baddie in some way, seemingly because she uses the descriptor of queer for herself, which makes it open season on her, regardless of throwing gay spaces and lesbians under the bus on the way.

Actually I think people using their sexuality to try and be more interesting shows a very unhealthy attitude towards self and sexuality.

I also find the presumption that everyone commenting is straight also very telling.

… basically the writer is fetishising her sexuality. It just screams ‘looks at me, I’m really interesting.”

Trying so hard to be edgy and different but nobody else seeing you in that way must be frustrating.

This x1000. I don't think people are as interested in who you're sleeping with as some people think. And, despite their protestations, they're gutted when they're denied attention, whether positive or negative.

Are we back to the days of not being allowed to talk about or write about being bisexual then? Fine if you must do these things, but don’t rub our faces in it?

FFS

No one has said don’t talk about it. Can you really not see the difference between people talking about their sexuality in a normal everyday manner rather than fetishising sexuality to try and appear more interesting?

A 'baddie'? Grow up. And away with words like homophobia, there has been zero on this thread.

She is entitled to write an article on her own observations and feelings and people reading it are entitled to comment that their own observations and feelings are whatever they are. Theres no hatred of gay people on this thread, simply observations which dont accord with hers.

But yes, carry on justifying a posters description of another as a neo nazi as ok, yes you carry on with that.

You’re really struggling with this, aren’t you. Why are you so bothered and defensive that you want to double down so much?

Walked down to breakfast with my girlfriend. Person seating people for breakfast looked askance when we both said the same room number, yes we had to confirm we were in the same room, and then asked if we wanted seating together. It was noticeable as I was never asked with my male partner. I’ve travelled with female friends but only in groups.

But on the whole I’ve met loads of people who don’t care at all.

And all those many , many times I've walked down to breakfast with a single female friend and wow, we had the same room number. And double wow- nothing happened beyond being shown to our table.

The situation you describe is absolutely normal for people sharing a room to save costs. Fgs, there are often threads on here about cheap skate employers making same sex employees share a room. Travel companies like Jules Verne used to offer (might still do, haven't used them for ages) the facility of pairing up solo same sex travellers to avoid paying single room supplements.

I think you were either extremely and remarkably unfortunate or extremely and remarkably over- sensitive.

I really hope it’s an exceptional
incident. And actually this is exceptional, I’ve used mumsnet for years and this is the first time anyone has ever been so insistent my lived experience is wrong and can’t have happened or was due to my sensitivity. Shame it’s on the feminist board.

Please can someone here give a clear definition of the word “queer”?

I've been to gay bars in the past in mixed groups of straight and gay friends and had a great time. I would be unlikely to go out with DH to one on our own, and could understand why we wouldn't necessarily be welcome- loads of straight couples obviously changes the dynamic, it just becomes another straight bar.
I became GC and started reading this board because of my concern about loss of women only spaces and a general refusal to listen to the valid concerns women had about self-id.
I'm surprised that women who can understand the need for women's only spaces, can't understand that other groups (like lesbians) might want their own spaces, or spaces they control access to.

As for the hotel thing, I've never known it happen at breakfast but I recently went on a weekend away with a gay male couple, DH didn't come along.
Massive song and dance at reception even though we had pre-filled the details online, trying to put me in a room with one or other man, and then repeatedly asking them whether they needed a twin room instead of a double. This was in a UK university city, in an international chain I would have expected a completely anonymous experience from.
So I definitely believe this is a thing.