Please help me write to my school about toilet policy

[M08my]

Dear wise mumsnetters

I've name changed for this because I'm paranoid this post could be found by my employer. I'm an avid mumsnetter who posts a lot under my other name.

I'm a teacher in a secondary school in England. Several members of senior leadership are very loudly pro "LGBTQIAplus" rights.

A new, long, email has been sent by the assistant head about trans vocabulary we must use and two thirds down the document it matter of factly explains that we can reassure any pupil that they can use the toilets of whichever gender they identify with. It says that this is required under the Equality Act.

We already have at least two boys who identify as girls, and the official line is we address them by their new girls' names and use she/her. I only mention this because the toilets/changing rooms policy isnt purely hypothetical. I don't know those students personally.

For extra context, my school was soecifically mentioned as part of the Everyone's Invited allegations of peer-on-peer sexual assault (assault perpetrated by boys onto girls). To be fair, very many schools were.

I'm concerned that this new policy will put girls at risk, not from those specific trans students necessarily of course, but because it invites any boy to enter girls' toilets and changing rooms maliciously with impunity under the excuse of questioning their gender. Girls experience period stigma and might avoid their loos or even stay home during their period. Even worse, they may be scared to report any abuse for fear of being labelled transphobic. Teachers can't go into the toilets and changing rooms (of course, rightfully!) so any assault happening there wouldn't necessarily be witnessed.

I'm frightened to reply directly to this assistant head with my concerns about this new policy. I'm planning to write instead to the head of safeguarding. I'm so worried about it that I couldn't sleep last night. I drafted a long email in Word listing all the risks and quoting statistics and quoting official guidance that school loos should be single sex above age 8 and using facts from the Safe Schools Alliance resources. It runs to a page and a half, typed. I haven't sent it yet.

Please reassure me, mumsnet. Should I send it? I'm so scared of being considered politically hostile at my very left wing school. Teaching is very reputation based and I'm not even halfway through my career.

If I send it, how can I be most convincing? Short and snappy, or long and data/law-driven? As you can see from this post (lol) I'm bad at being concise.

Thank you so much for reading this far. I'm so grateful to this forum.

*I should say, toilets and changing rooms were both specifically mentioned in the new policy. Toilets are one thing but girls are even more vulnerable in changing rooms in my opinion.

If you go on Twitter 'Sex Matters' have downloadable guidance for schools.

I am sure you would find support among parents, if you did send it.
I do understand the hesitation, though
I am sure some wise women with good advice will be along soon.

we can reassure any pupil that they can use the toilets of whichever gender they identify with. It says that this is required under the Equality Act.

In that case, girls must be EQUALLY free to use any toilet in the school, including female staff toilets, and male staff toilets where they won't be pestered by teenage boys. The female and male staff will surely welcome this in a supportive way. Ageism is SO not woke.

In the interests of equality, transgirls and other girls can freely choose to use the toilets marked "boys". Therefore the school must provide menstrual disposal facilities in all boys toilets.

If I was of menstrual age in such a school I'd be rallying gangs of menstruating girls and female staff to use the boys toilets to change, loudly discuss and dispose of their used sanitary goods and socially educate those lads to save them any future embarrassing ignorance.

There is schools guidance on sex matters org and Transgender trend websites.

In my child's school, the Deputy Head tried to introduce similar mixed sex toilets/ changing rooms but it was blocked by the Head of Welfare. She said it was due to safeguarding/ privacy for all students, including pupils being supported after sexual abuse, girls with periods, religious students (ie to ensure all students could use the loos). Many female pupils were worried about it, but it was a group of boys who went privately together to the Head of Welfare to request changing rooms remained single sex as none of the girls dared say anything. (One girl/ transboy objected vociferously about not being able to change in the boys) .

Instead children who identify as trans have been given access to a single use toilet off a different corridor (used to be a staff loo) for extra privacy.

One of the schools orgs online sends it direct to schools on request (so you don't have to give your name)- can't remember if it's Transgender trend or sex matters...

A new, long, email has been sent by the assistant head about trans vocabulary we must use and two thirds down the document it matter of factly explains that we can reassure any pupil that they can use the toilets of whichever gender they identify with. It says that this is required under the Equality Act.

This is incorrect. A pupil may have the protected characteristic of gender reassignment which means they should not be treated less favourably than another pupil of the same sex. Minors cannot obtain a GRC and so can't change legal sex, whatever their gender identity they remain, in law, their birth sex. The EA sets out exceptions for single sex provision. Providing single sex toilets would qualify as "a proportionate means to achieving a legitimate aim", namely the privacy and dignity of female students. The EA DOES NOT REQUIRE SCHOOLS TO MAKE TOILET PROVISION ON THE BASIS OF GENDER IDENTITY.

I believe the school has a public sector equality duty and would need to provide evidence they had carried out an equality impact assessment if they decided not use the EA single sex exceptions and allow trans identifying students to use the toilets aligned with their gender identity.

I believe there is further legislation regarding the lawfulness of mixed sex toilets in schools but I cannot remember it in sufficient detail. It may render everything else I've written irrelevant.

As PP say, the Dep. Head's reading of the Equalities Act is just wrong. Sex Matters will help you here.

A pupil may have the protected characteristic of gender reassignment which means they should not be treated less favourably than another pupil of the same sex.

And the significant thing here is that it's the birth sex, not the gender presentation the child wants to transition into.

Have you any friends on the staff who feel as you do and would add their name to the email alongside you? If you trust any other staff members, it might be worth discussing their views on this. As others have said, there are likely going to be parents who will have concerns about this. Has the policy gone public? What about pupils? Are they aware and if so how do they feel? Your arguments are good and I think backing them up with data is excellent. I wouldn't worry about it being long as it shows you've really thought about this issue. I understand your fears but if you are professional about it and state you want to discuss genuine concerns - without the intention to offend - then you ought to be heard. Starting with the safeguarding lead is best too, I think. Good luck.

Exactly as FOJN says. There are 9 protected characteristics in the Equality Act all of equal importance. It is the school's public equality duty to foster good relations between people who share a protected characteristic and those who do not share it. If someone claims gender reassignment (not gender identity) it does not give them automatic access to services opposite to their sex (because that would be mad) but prevents them from being discriminated against because of the process they are undertaking.

I would just actually go for asking for the evidence on which they've based the decision to segregate by gender (identification based on nothing physical), instead of sex.

Are there statistics that show people who identify as male are a threat to people who identify as female or vice versa? Can you see it?

If not, what's it based on?

And does the threat from males to females that female-only toilets were based on not exist anymore? Again, direct you towards that evidence.

Make them answer your questions and not the other way around.

I sent the Sex Matters guide to my DS Head, who had previously endorsed the whole 'born in the wrong body' concept and compared my concerns to his experience of having worked through the section 28 era. He was totally unwarranted of the DfE changes that happened during Covid or what materials schools should/should not be using.

Around a week after I sent the guidance, through the link on their website, he wrote back to me. The Head showed he now has a very good understanding and practical application of the guidance and I am now very happy that these issues will be dealt with correctly.

Perhaps start with sending the guidance and a very short message stating their most recent email contradicts this guidance and 'perhaps you were not aware?'

Thank you so much all for your wise advice and ideas.

So first of all, this new policy hasn't been announced to students or parents or even presented as a new policy. It's just a few lines deeply embedded in advice sent to us teachers by the assistant head (call her AH), and (I think) written by her perhaps jointly with head of sixth form (they are very much allies, I mean in the old fashioned way but also the "woke" way). I'm not totally sure that the safeguarding lead/Deputy head (call him DSL) who I'm thinking of emailing is even necessarily aware, although he is named in the document. I think AH thinks this is just what all schools are doing and is normal. This document has been delegated to her to write.

The reason why I'm hesitant to copy links or resources from Sex Matters or Safe Schools Alliance or Transgender Trend, when writing to DSL, even though I read these myself and really value them, is that these organisations have been branded as "transphobic". If DSL simply forwards these on to AH she'll simply reply that they are biased sources maybe without either person even reading them. But if I paraphrase the information from them in my own words, I think/hope that'll be harder to refute.

One pp suggested I canvass opinions around my colleagues but this is the last thing I want to do as I'm a coward... I've already tried to talk about gender matters in the past to one woman who spouted a whole load of Judith Butler at me and then continually criticised my "tone". (I think my tone was fine but hey ho. I secretly look down on anyone who swallows judith butler's pseudo-intellectual obfuscatory claptrap and maybe that showed in spite of my efforts, oops. Sorry to get angry for a minute there lol.) It was exhausting and I'm scared of my reputation spreading further around the school. I do have one colleague who I know agrees with me but he doesn't feel strongly enough about it to want to stick his neck out, plus he's going for a big promotion so doesn't want to rock the boat.

Thank you all for mentioning Sex Matters and Transgender Trend because I'd forgotten about those so I had another look and found stuff I could copy and paste.

I keep thinking I maybe shouldn't bother because most probably nothing bad will happen. But, maybe it might? Isn't that the whole point of safeguarding right.

Thank you all for your support. I've lost so much sleep over this. What's made this all so much worse is I went back to Everyone's Invited and read again some of those stories about sexual abuse in schools, and found the ones where my school was mentioned. It's just harrowing. I can't stand by while we potentially increase the risk to our girls.

I forgot to say, AH's document lists further reading and resources at the bottom and they are all the likes of Mermaids and similar charities/websites. That's where she is getting her info from which is why I'm afraid she'd see eg Transgender Trend as "biased".

@respectmysex and @Watermonster it's so good to hear those good outcomes. It's making me feel more hopeful than I've been.

If it all goes wrong then maybe I'll just quit and go work in a girls' school. Then I wouldn't have to worry so much about keeping the girls safe from the boys. I'm genuinely considering it at this point!

I think if the students were aware of the policy they'd applaud it as they are all very invested in this latest ideology as teenagers mostly are these days (there's LGBTQIA+ mentioned on all society posters etc, we had a trans charity non-uniform day etc).

But like a pp said, if parents were aware I think many would be concerned. But also many wouldn't be, we are in quite a lefty part of England.

Nothing to add as you seem to have covered it all but well done on doing this.

I don't think you need to link to "biased" resources but you can use those sites to locate the relevant legislation. I'd buff up on public sector equality duty and then casually ask if an equality impact assessment has been done.

I wonder if you email the SSA directly they may be able to help you more than perhaps we can as they will almost certainly have scrutinised many such policies to determine if they are compliant with the law.

Good luck BTW. Let us know how you get on and thank you for standing up for women, girls and safeguarding.

Of course, the Attorney General Suella Braverman has just told The Times in the past couple of days that schools do NOT have to make accommodations for school children who identity as trans. The original Times interview is behind a paywall, but The Guardian also reported on it: The attorney general also discussed girls’ toilets and changing rooms having special protections as safe spaces if a scenario arises of a child born male wanting to use them.

She said: “I would say to the school that they don’t have to and that they shouldn’t allow that child to go into girls’ toilets.”

Braverman added the Equality Act contained “very important single-sex exemptions” that protected spaces such as girls’ toilets and changing rooms.
www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/27/attorney-general-says-schools-do-not-have-to-accommodate-childrens-gender-wishes

I meant to add that since the government is currently working on formal guidance for schools on the issue of children who identify as transgender, it shouldn't be too difficult to persuade the school to wait? Changing its policy before the official guidance comes out will only cause confusion and create extra work.

@M08my I'm sorry that you have no work colleagues you can trust to discuss this issue with. It must be difficult working somewhere like that. Perhaps you're right to think about looking for work elsewhere! Although a girl's school may not be any better as this ideology is taught everywhere. I wouldn't assume that all the pupils accept or agree with this ideology though. I work with young people, and am also back at university at the moment as a mature student, and I have found that many young people are uncomfortable but are too scared to say anything in case they are accused of unkindness and bigotry. If we as adults are scared, then it must seem impossible as a teenager. Even more reason to speak up, I guess.

Thank you all so much for your support. I've written the email and sent it to DSL. (Well, I've scheduled-send for 1pm in case I suddenly think of anything else to add). I'm really scared that this will come back to bite me in the bum and all my colleagues will see me as a dreadful troublemaker (I was seen as one at my last school, for different reasons, and I was trying to reinvent myself here!)

I covered:

• boys could enter girls' facilities under false pretences

-risk of sexual abuse -Everyone's Invited allegations showing that peer on peer abuse does happen, is under reported, and has happened at my school -girls suffer from period stigma and that can lead to taking time off school when on period -students from some religious backgrounds need SSS (and we do have some representation of those religions at my school). -I copied and pasted some legal guidance -mentioned attorney general's recently reported comments (thanks for pointing me to that, hadn't read that!) -said I had sources for data/quotes if requested but email already too long. (900 words lol)

I also (coward klaxon) asked for my email to be confidential. I also said I wasn't looking for a debate, just wanted to refer my concerns to DSL and leave it with him. Same as any other safeguarding concern- eg if I thought a child was at risk of harm, I'd tell him, but if he didn't agree he wouldn't come back to me to argue about it, right? So hopefully that won't happen here because I'd just feel attacked if he starts a back and forth (although I wouldn't back down, I'd just be unhappy about having to argue).

Thank you all again so much for supporting me on this. I guess DSL might think this is a petty hill to die on but it's wakened all my mummy bear instincts. I've lost so much sleep and even shed tears reading all that Everyone's Invited stuff and then thinking about my female students and how vulnerable they are. They're all so nice and self-effacing and accommodating (I mean my own female students personally).

I'll let you all know how DSL responds - this thread has probably got lost amongst the more important ones but I know it's still good to get updates. It's half term atm so he might not reply till next week.

Many thanks all 💚🤍💜

Well done OP.

Just to add: disability gets forgotten as one of the protected characteristics this clashes with.

Many MNetters with Autism have shared the significant difficulties this causes them and that mixed sex spaces are inaccessible. Girls with bladder and bowel issues may find using public toilets difficult enough without boys listening and commenting and laughing and being right outside. Girls with PTSD and trauma from CSA or being involved in DV/DA at home may also have very significant challenges in accessing mixed sex spaces.

The Equality Act requires the fostering of good relationships - not creating a stand off of two sides: male children with gender identity based needs who wish to use female spaces, and female children with culture/faith/disabilities who cannot used mixed sex spaces and without female only access just plain can't use a toilet at school. Eric, the charity for toileting, have shared concerns regarding teenaged girls not drinking all day to avoid having to use the toilet because they won't enter the space. To set up winners and losers, and make sure the female children know they are the losers is sadly an intrinsic part of TQ+ policy.

However actual inclusion means a range of diverse and accessible facilities that meet all needs equally. Which would involve some mixed sex facilities and some female only and boundaries that male students are going to have to respect that female students are not a lesser species and have legal entitlement to inclusion too.

The politics has no place in school. The law and equality does. Unless the school is embracing male supremacism, which sadly the TQ+ politics, however unconsciously and unintentionally does in fact create.

Thanks for the update OP - I hope that your email is taken seriously and gets a positive outcome.

That's great and best of luck. Your female students have a real ally in you (even if they don't realise it or are too worried to admit any concerns). I know what you mean about being considered a trouble maker. That's happened to me too when I've stood up and expressed doubts or concern in my teaching and social care roles. But it means you're a better teacher than those who stay silent. They know and are the real cowards.