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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

2 year old boy 'hates girls'

56 replies

angryhummungbird · 03/05/2022 15:33

So recently I've met a mum who has just moved into our area. She mentioned that she was struggling a bit and was lonely as she didn't know many people locally. She has a son who is 2 which is the same age as my daughter. I invited them over and she said 'I would love to but unfortunately my son 'hates girls' and wouldn't want to play with her'. I was really shocked and quite angry at this as how can a 2 year old hate anyone? How can she be ok with this and think this is normal? Where has he picked this up, where has he learnt that playing with girls is somehow wrong and it is ok to hate girls? I mean should a 2 year old really even know what a girl and a boy is? It just seems so ridiculous. A 2 year old just shouldn't care about that stuff. This is why there is so much mysogyny in our society, because children as young as 2 are being taught it is ok for boys to hate girls. This is the reason why so many men think we are weak and below them. Most of the men out there assaulting and abusing women started as innocent 2 year olds who were taught that it was ok to 'hate girls'. And boys like him spread these ideas that it is ok and normal to hate girls and wrong to want to play or be friends with them to other boys. This is why some children as young as 3 or 4 are identifying as trans, imagine if he had not been a typically masculine boy and had the same upbringing and these same attitudes taught to him. Why is this considered okay? Why are we normalising gender ideology rather than trying to change attitudes like this?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 03/05/2022 15:36

And boys like him spread these ideas that it is ok and normal to hate girls and wrong to want to play or be friends with them to other boys

"Boys like him"? He is 2. I think it's his mother which is perpetuating this problem.

I imagine it's code (from her) for "my child is boisterous and dominating in play and the girls he has played with aren't like that so I prefer him to play with boisterous boys so he doesn't look as naughty"

Tryhard40 · 03/05/2022 15:37

I think you are reaching a bit here.

The mum just sounds batshit and to be avoided from now on. Job done. Of course a 2yo doesn't "hate girls" ffs!

Franca123 · 03/05/2022 15:47

Totally. The mum just sounds a bit away with the fairies. I wouldn't even try to imagine what's going on there.

Hardbackwriter · 03/05/2022 15:52

The mum sounds awful and bonkers - but you also seem to be spiralling into a pretty weird place as your post goes on. You both need to stop putting so much on a 2 year old. She obviously shouldn't be giving him that message and reinforcing it but there isn't much you can do about it and deciding now that he's going to be an abuser hardly helps.

Tsuni · 03/05/2022 15:56

Sounds like the mother just doesn't like you and made up a bs excuse as to why your children couldn't have a playdate.

MargaritaPie · 03/05/2022 16:13

I agree, I don't think a 2 year old would come up with something like that all on their own. He's got it from somewhere.

ChocolateHippo · 03/05/2022 16:41

She sounds absolutely bonkers. At that age, my DC only had a limited concept of 'boy' and 'girl' and would use 'he'/'she' interchangeably (to the extent he was using them at all at 2, which I can't remember...).

SleepingStandingUp · 03/05/2022 16:49

Well if he's actually said "I hate girls" and can accurately identify which kids are girls and boys, then he's probably quite advanced fro his age. Agree with Bernadette. He's a"spirited"child who's thus far made all the girls he's played with cry by being horrid.

The only appropriate reply really is something along the lines of "gosh, that must be a worry! How are you going to deal with nursery?"

Whatwouldscullydo · 03/05/2022 16:52

To be fair you have no idea why she said this.. fir all you know ow some little girl could have shoved him over in the park amd hes just obviously got a 2 year olds understanding amd she could be working on it.

Or she could be so entrenched in sterotype she thinks he might wanna play with dolls if he plays with girls.

But you dont really know anything abiut it yet.

KatieKat88 · 03/05/2022 16:53

My DD(2) is forever saying 'good girl Daddy!!' - so no, this is not coming from the boy himself!

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/05/2022 16:59

He's only 2. He's not a misogynist. FFS

Some little kids don't like bald people. Or cats. Or people with woolly jumpers This one doesn't like girls.

It's a phase and it will pass. It doesn't mean he's been taught to hate women or any other the other imaginary hyperbole on your op.

LondonQueen · 03/05/2022 17:00

The mum sounds like a head case, stay well clear.

Artichokeleaves · 03/05/2022 17:01

Yeah, mummy sounds like the one with the problem there.... whole lotta projecting going on.

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/05/2022 17:01

Serious amount of hyperbole in your OP

IsabelaMadrigal · 03/05/2022 17:06

As Sculley says, there's not really enough information to go on.

My son is waiting to be diagnosed with, amongst other things, autism. He doesn't like other children. He hides from, gets distressed by both girls and boys, but certain personality types really set him on edge(he prefers shy not boisterous children, but his tolerance level is very low) I could imagine if he had only met boisterous girls and shy boys I might arrive at the 'he hates boys' conclusion.

That being said, at that age only parallel play is expected anyway, so they don't need to play together. Just set up various activities outside in the garden and make sure they have enough room to avoid eachother if they want to.

If it is a case of Sen, then she'll need a friend most likely, but you can decide if that can be you. Although sometimes it's hard for parents of non nt children to hang out with by children because it makes the difference raw and stark. Don't take it personally if this is the case.

If it's a case of sexism, you can decide if you want to ignore the issue or try and expand her ideas.

And if it is a case that he's boisterous, then it may be a good opportunity to learn how to navigate these people where you can control play a bit and teach your daughter to hold her ground. Better she comes across people like that in a situation like that than at school or nursery for the first time.

BubblegumIceLollies · 03/05/2022 17:51

Mother sounds awful.

I would say 'Oh dear, that must be so worrying for you. I highly recommend reading 'Girls can do anything' to help deal with the very early mysogony. I'm sure you'll get him on the right track. Is it that girls aren't safe around him too? Look at some boundary books too'.

Really just to make her consider perhaps it isn't as funny/ cute as she thinks and maybe she should do something different...

IstayedForTheFeminism · 03/05/2022 18:01

I tried to befriend a mum once, many years ago. She told me her dc only liked children of the same cultural heritage as them. As the child was about 18 months old I decided the mum was odd. I've often wondered how the child managed growing up.

angryhummungbird · 03/05/2022 18:09

I don't think it is much of an exaggeration to say that mysogynistic men start off as boys like him. That doesn't mean he is going to be an abuser but I think that there is a much higher chance that he will be than the average boy

I think at least to some extent this is coming from him. His mum said that he didn't want to play with girls and had in the past got annoyed that he was made to do 'girl things'. Even if it that he is boisterous then it is still bad that somehow that is ok with boys but not girls? She seemed to think this was completely normal and funny. I don't think it has anything to do with SEN

The mum seemed to think this was funny and was saying this like a joke. Even if she was trying to make an excuse then its still really awful that she thinks it is ok to say that. Yes she is absolutely the problem. I think that this attitude will continue and make her son's thoughts on this even worse

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 03/05/2022 18:16

I certainly find it weird that a two-year-old would hate girls, but knowing the difference between boys and girls is something inate. My five-month-old baby could tell.

CloudPop · 03/05/2022 18:17

Coyoacan · 03/05/2022 18:16

I certainly find it weird that a two-year-old would hate girls, but knowing the difference between boys and girls is something inate. My five-month-old baby could tell.

How did you know ?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/05/2022 18:20

Coyoacan · 03/05/2022 18:16

I certainly find it weird that a two-year-old would hate girls, but knowing the difference between boys and girls is something inate. My five-month-old baby could tell.

Really? Cos of shit ton of adults regularly ask me the sex of my two year old, people frequently mis-sex my six year old. Perhaps I need to tell them they need to see a doctor urgently because they should have been able to tell from 5 months?

Does that count as one for the humble brag thread BTW or is it a stealth boast?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/05/2022 18:22

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/05/2022 16:59

He's only 2. He's not a misogynist. FFS

Some little kids don't like bald people. Or cats. Or people with woolly jumpers This one doesn't like girls.

It's a phase and it will pass. It doesn't mean he's been taught to hate women or any other the other imaginary hyperbole on your op.

But lots of adults struggle to identify the sex of two year olds. So perhaps he hates small people in dresses, or who play with dolls or work long hair

hohaho · 03/05/2022 18:27

I have a 2 year old girl. I sometimes find myself looking at the wee boys in her nursery class or toddler group and thinking isn't it sad that will some of these end up as male chauvinists, sexists and / misogynists. This mum's attitude is really bizarre. I feel sorry for her and her son.

2bazookas · 03/05/2022 18:57

She invented a really non-credible excuse about her son/your daughter because she doesn't want to socialise with you.

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/05/2022 19:02

@angryhummungbird

I don't think it is much of an exaggeration to say that mysogynistic men start off as boys like him. That doesn't mean he is going to be an abuser but I think that there is a much higher chance that he will be than the average boy

He is 2 years old.

Its an exaggeration of the largest magnitude

He is 2

He hasn't yet developed the mental and physical capacity to hate, or know what girls are, make friendships - never mind have a 'much higher chance than the average boy of becoming an abuser.