2 year old boy 'hates girls'

[angryhummungbird]

So recently I've met a mum who has just moved into our area. She mentioned that she was struggling a bit and was lonely as she didn't know many people locally. She has a son who is 2 which is the same age as my daughter. I invited them over and she said 'I would love to but unfortunately my son 'hates girls' and wouldn't want to play with her'. I was really shocked and quite angry at this as how can a 2 year old hate anyone? How can she be ok with this and think this is normal? Where has he picked this up, where has he learnt that playing with girls is somehow wrong and it is ok to hate girls? I mean should a 2 year old really even know what a girl and a boy is? It just seems so ridiculous. A 2 year old just shouldn't care about that stuff. This is why there is so much mysogyny in our society, because children as young as 2 are being taught it is ok for boys to hate girls. This is the reason why so many men think we are weak and below them. Most of the men out there assaulting and abusing women started as innocent 2 year olds who were taught that it was ok to 'hate girls'. And boys like him spread these ideas that it is ok and normal to hate girls and wrong to want to play or be friends with them to other boys. This is why some children as young as 3 or 4 are identifying as trans, imagine if he had not been a typically masculine boy and had the same upbringing and these same attitudes taught to him. Why is this considered okay? Why are we normalising gender ideology rather than trying to change attitudes like this?

@SleepingStandingUp

So perhaps he hates small people in dresses, or who play with dolls or work long hair

Perhaps that is the case. Although dresses, dolls, long hair are not the preserve of girls and that is quite sophisticated categorisation for a 2 year old.

I think this is really sad. I'm not saying you're wrong (statistically, some of these boys probably will end up how you've described). But there's two angles to the 'boy' issue, if you like. The first is the 'boys will be boys' one - lower expectations of boys and a greater tolerance of poor behaviour.

The second angle is that the way people treat boys (even male babies) is different from the way they treat girls and female babies. People are less cuddly with baby boys and they talk and interact less with them. This is despite evidence that the brain function of baby boys develops more slowly and they are more vulnerable to environmental stress (and therefore may need more support). There is research that fathers of girls engage more attentively with their children and model behaviour that promotes emotional regulation with them, while fathers of sons engage in more rough and tumble play and focus on achievement rather than emotional regulation.

So some part of the 'boy issue' seems to be due not only to lower expectations of boys but also less emotional warmth being shown to them in their early years by their parents and carers, and by society generally. I'm not sure viewing them as chauvanists and misogynists-in-training at age 2 is particularly helpful.

Seems more reasonable than being able to accurately identify the sex of toddlers which a huge number of adults fail at. Unlike the PPs five month old who knows the sex of everyone she interacts with.

Are you mad?

It's a stupid comment by the mum. It's unlikely to mean that he actually hates girls.

It's a shorthand for doesn't play well with them, is hard work in those situations & it tends not to go well.

Of course it's reductionist & silly & playing into some trope about girls being gentle & empathetic & boys being hyper & boisterous.

But to extrapolate that he's on a path to misogyny, chauvinism, and sexist beliefs is completely ridiculous.

Quite @ChocolateHippo . Imagine saying "I look at these two year old girls and imagine what little bitches some of them will turn into". People would be horrified were pre judging girls in such a way.

I don't think it is much of an exaggeration to say that mysogynistic men start off as boys like him. That doesn't mean he is going to be an abuser but I think that there is a much higher chance that he will be than the average boy

Goodness, I wonder why she might be trying to avoid a play date with you?

I'd avoid her. No wonder she is lonely.

You do find this attitude, but for a parent to say it about a 2yo is crazy.

On DS's 7th birthday the Mum of a child DS knows through an activity was surprised he had invited girls from his class

I have a 2.5 year old. He frequently gets gender confused and doesn’t hate anyone.

Very, very odd. Adult projections definitely.

Yes, I wouldn't be keen to take my son near anyone who I knew thought like this, especially if we were actually having problems. Toddlers having difficulties need more physical affection, more love-bombing and more patience and reassurance (along with firm boundaries), not people recoiling from them.

Children absolutely cannot innately tell what sex people are. When I had short hair children used to frequently think I was a man despite being 5’ with big tits.

Should say I may not have met the genius 5 month old noted above.

Should have hung out with Coyoa's baby, they'd have known.

DS was talking to a boy on the bus for ten minutes the other day when the kid suddenly asked "so wait, are you a boy or a girl?". He's six, lad was similar age.

The mum is clearly mad and you need to keep well away from her.

She doesn't know how your 2 year old DD plays or what she plays with. For all she knows your DD could be domineering and favourite toys could be cars.

Oh and both your children are going to have problems if you keep on like this. I suggest you learn a bit about child development it will help your DD.

Most 2 year olds play side by side and not together
They dob't care to much about boy and girls
But when kids get a little older you do here i hate boys from girls and i hate girls from boys from time to time, its just one of those things growing up sometimes

You have just reminded me that DS went through a phase of sitting on the subway asking me whether people were men or women. Loudly. It was really embarrassing. He was two and was literally trying to work out how gender worked, but it sounded like he was misgendering people left right and centre.

He also thought “guy” was gender-neutral (because Canadian teachers say things like “hey you guys, let’s go out and play”). So he would know somebody was a woman, and still call them a guy, meaning “person”. “Mummy what is that guy in the skirt doing over there?”

I think at least to some extent this is coming from him.

he’s two!!!! 😂

Most of the men out there assaulting and abusing women started as innocent 2 year olds who were taught that it was ok to 'hate girls'.

There is no doubt the comment from the mother was strange. Very very strange! But for you to conclude THIS from that comment is also strange. Very disturbed view to have of a 2 year old boy? 🙈

It's around this age they begin to notice that boys are different from girls. They're beginning to make friends with children of their own sex and it can be a time when the boys go through a "Huh! Girls!!" phase and the girls regard the boys as grubby nuisances.
It's quite normal. I wouldn't be encouraging it by saying a child hated girls, though. I think Mum sounds as though she worded that badly.

Not at 2.

Seriously do you know or have any toddlers/pre-schoolers?

So I'm thinking of calling the HV with my concerns about how behind my two year old twins are. They show zero awareness of their own sex other than a fascination with their tiddlers, no awareness of the sex of kids they play with, they definitely have no preference except for "will run around like a crazy thing with me" and they certainly have no generalised avoidance of the opposite sex.

Perhaps it's just bad parenting? DS has also never expressed distaste for girls either and he's nearly 7.

I'd have expected this preference to have been I bedded by 6 months at the latest.

"Not at 2.
Seriously do you know or have any toddlers/pre-schoolers?"

I'm a childminder of 20 years experience, currently caring for five 2 year olds (work with my husband). Some have only just turned 2, some are almost 3.

You know, when my LO was that age he definitely was more interested in playing with boys than girls, and more interested in men than women in interactions!

I can see how maybe a two year old could have a natural dislike, why not? Kids are weird. Hopefully mum will lift him out of it somehow, maybe she's just trying not to force the issue. My DS a bit older and does talk about girls now.

I don't think it is much of an exaggeration to say that mysogynistic men start off as boys like him. That doesn't mean he is going to be an abuser but I think that there is a much higher chance that he will be than the average boy

Yes, it is. It has nothing to do with what he will be like as an adult. Two year olds pick up all kinds of odd ideas that they have totally dropped by the time they are adults. Like smearing poop on the wall being a good idea. Or a fear of going down the drain after a bath.

I don't know why some people are so sceptical that a child may be able to tell between men and women. My dd is nearly 2 and she has a really strong dislike of men and boys (with her dad and brothers being notable exceptions) and she always has done. I have no idea why or where this came but ever since she was a small baby she screams or shies away whenever she sees a man or an older boy. She never does it with women or girls. I am working on it but I don't know how to solve it tbh. Maybe this little boy is similar? I think hate is a strong word as babies can't hate anyone or anything but maybe the mum meant wary? Nervous?