Is this question an April Fool?

[tabbycatstripy]

On Twitter, a certain ‘erotic author’ asking: ‘ I encourage everyone to take a moment to think about this. Without referencing your sex or biology, what makes you personally know you are a woman or a man?’

Cue a whole thread of pompous answers about “I just knew...” “instinct” and “identity”.

In my case, without referencing sex or biology, absolutely nothing.

The time the guy yelled 'ah woman!' And tried to drag me off down a dark alleyway with his genitalia hanging out was a massive clue.

Note... I was wearing jeans and a hoody, not anything overly feminine. It was dark. He didn't care who I was. Just wanted a woman...

I’m really sorry that happened to you, Aroundtheworld. Horrifying.

I'm confused. Are you supposed to pretend you've never known what biological sex you are, then guess whether your personality or other characteristics fit with gender stereotypes?

That's like saying 'without any reference to your eyes how do you know what colour your eyes are'?

I'd probably guess I was a woman as I've had no desire in my entire life to try and fight or sexually assault someone, which means statistically speaking only, I'm less likely to be a man. I also went part-time after my dc were born, and buy the presents for my dc's going to birthday parties, which usually tend to be done by women.

I have other things where compared to my dh I'm more likely to be male than him though (interest in sports etc) so I'd need a guide really.

Yes, you’re meant to ‘recognise’ yourself as a man or a woman without regard to your biology.

Like the time I ‘recognised’ my dog was a dog. He was five. I’d been very confused.

Nothing springs to mind. My siblings went to a boys boarding school and I was sent to a local girls school so that gave me a clue, and I've just run with it really 🤔

I suppose I could recognise myself as a woman due to the impact social conditioning has had on me - people pleaser, avoid conflict at all costs, constant ‘to do’ lists trailing through my head… My episiotomy scar would be a giveaway too, though does that count as ‘biology’ if I don’t say what body part it appears on?

I think that’s biology. Like the time I spent 40 hours pushing a head the size of a grapefruit out of my body. That’s not what told me I was a woman.

Happily: Id say the fact my body has gestated & given birth to two Infants? (tho obviously I was a woman / female before this & would have been anyway)

Less Happily: the fact that men have tried to invade my body by force since puberty (& before, actually) tho I appreciate that men rape other men too.

People used to seem find it difficult to believe that I was a doctor, not the (male) nurse I regularly worked with, despite him wearing a uniform and me having an ID badge with my name and job title on, and us both introducing ourselves. That alerted to me to my womanhood on a regular basis. Thank heavens - I'd never have realised otherwise.

I think I can speak for all women when I say that being a women means wearing high heels and full make-up at all times, being inordinately fond of kittens, tapestry and nail varnish and feeling suffused with a desire to offer adolescent girls assistance with their tampons in changing rooms.

Honestly, these people. Without referencing any words to do with the thing you're describing, call it into existence. So we can pretend it's actually something else.

🙄

Some men really, really, really want to redefine the concept of 'woman' for themself whilst simultaneously needing it to remain exactly the same for everyone else.

‘Without referencing any words to do with the thing you're describing, call it into existence. So we can pretend it's actually something else.’

Yes. The opposite of what it actually is. It’s called ‘expansionism’. Women are being cruel and hard-hearted (and actually very unlike women) by refusing to expand the definition of ‘woman’ to include male people.

Seriously the times I feel like a woman are around fear. DH will go places alone that are unthinkable for me. I feel vulnerable many dark mornings when I park my car in a huge empty car park on my early shift, for example. Lots of cars, few people. It's my normal to be hypervigilant, and I know I'm not unusual. DH does not feel this. I won't walk the dog on my own in the woods. Dh does. Used to, years ago with a more protective dog, but age and experiences I've had since then have reminded me it's not a good idea. Etc

My drivers licence

The only times I "feel" like a woman are either biology related (periods, pregnancy etc) or when societies gender expectations try to force me back in my box (threat of male violence, mansplaining etc)

Otherwise I have no idea what an innate feeling of womanhood is meant to feel like.

Mmm, yes: 13yo me being grabbed at by the lost-looking young man outside the language school when I stopped to offer him help - & then made it clear the streets of London were not, contrary to what he’d apparently been told, paved with whores.

He’d have had no right to say what he did, much less put his hands on me, had I been a heavily made-up grown woman leaving nothing to the imagination at night. It was, though, a sunny Saturday late-afternoon; I was in a baggy sweatshirt & those Adidas trousers with the zip-up pockets; if he were paying attention to my shopping it was clearly for a household, not usual child/teen stuff (but I don’t think he was); and on top of looking younger than I was, I sounded (as in, the actual noise of my voice) younger too. As far as he was concerned though, I was fair game.

So I broke free (with the twisty move meant EXACTLY for if someone has grabbed you like that, which I’d learned to assuage others’ fears about my long mostly-solo journey to & from school) & ran. He wasn’t stupid enough to chase me into a crowded area.

I didn’t tell anyone until the end of last year, that initial conviction it must have somehow been my fault finally having worn away.

Using their nonsense rules I know I’m a woman because of the type & volume of street harassment I experience[d pre-covid, am now essentially a hermit]; & how Patriarchy Chicken worked for me even when I was on crutches, in a wheelchair, using a [single] bannister, or visibly struggling to mobilise. Yes, men bounding gaily up/down the stairs really do expect visibly frail women who are clinging to the bannister to navigate them in the opposite direction to move out of their way. I quite often thought I was going to get flattened by one who’d fail to put the brakes on or change course in time. Often they’d stop, expectantly, in front of me, presumably waiting for me to humbly apologise & drop into a curtesy as I moved aside for them.

But truly though, it is a nonsense - I am a woman because of my body; & it is that same body that causes such experiences. Women are far more, of course, than our biology - it it is our biology, the fact of our being female, that makes us women, that is what we share as a group. We are more than our biology but we cannot escape it - & womanhood cannot simply be identified into.

The question doesn't apply, because being of the female sex is the only way to be a woman.

Probably all the great chats I have and compliments on lovely hair and shoes I give and receive in the ladies toilets. While swapping tampons and paper napkins, naturally!

I can understand how young people believe it's just instinct - they either can't remember a time they didn't know or are caught up in I think I am therefore I am identity politics.

I can't understand how any parent can. Surely we've all gone through the stages where child doesn't know what sex they are, or thinks all short haired girls are boys, or thinks putting a fairy dress on turns a boy into a girl? Surely we've all had to tell our toddlers they're a girl/boy and why?

Who is the author?

I can’t remember their name now.

It’s because despite being 50 and having a responsible job I love my little pony
That and my swishy hair, floral dresses, bright lipstick and of course the fact that I’m brave and stunning
That’s how I know I’m a lay-dee

I've just done some googling and come across an article in The Cut about this. Among other things, women complain about the hardships they face by being women. Don't we all know it's far harder being transgender??
It was a load of fairly incomprehensible word salad really and I'm none the wiser.
Seemed to be a lot about people not understanding how special you are and judging for not conforming.
I just can't see why you have label yourself beyond what your actual sex is, and just use facilities for what that is. Otherwise crack on with whatever you want to do, or wear.
Stop the world, I want to get off!

@PrelateChuckles

I'm confused. Are you supposed to pretend you've never known what biological sex you are, then guess whether your personality or other characteristics fit with gender stereotypes?

That's like saying 'without any reference to your eyes how do you know what colour your eyes are'?

I'd probably guess I was a woman as I've had no desire in my entire life to try and fight or sexually assault someone, which means statistically speaking only, I'm less likely to be a man. I also went part-time after my dc were born, and buy the presents for my dc's going to birthday parties, which usually tend to be done by women.

I have other things where compared to my dh I'm more likely to be male than him though (interest in sports etc) so I'd need a guide really.

Yes. Sexual Assault is a clear right of passage for men.