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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

So how many Mothers were ‘taken out for lunch’ today, but still had to cook the family supper?

59 replies

happydappy2 · 27/03/2022 22:11

I’m very grateful I was taken out for lunch but thought it was unnecessary & expensive….would have preferred to be treated at home…husband also benefited from lunch out but when he showed no signs of cooking supper….I did it….am thinking DH missed a trick by not actually cooking a meal for us all. What’s the point of Mother’s Day after all? I have previously said please don’t let’s go out for lunch on MD it’s like going out for dinner on valentines (cheesy.) Happy Mother’s Day to all!

OP posts:
PaganOfTheGoodTimes · 27/03/2022 23:04

DH booked lunch on Friday on the grounds that it'd be nicer if we just went with the littlest, he cooked both a late breakfast and early dinner today! Of course DM had a go about this (healso cooked her a special meal yesterday) as its not right for a man to do these things, even on mother's day... Well we've been together for 20 years so I guess he's OK with it. I haven't had to change a single nappy either Grin

Scrowy · 27/03/2022 23:07

For those being weird about 'supper' it's used perfectly acceptably and with no airs and graces in some regions of the UK.

Lots of people in the farming community for example traditionally use it to describe the main evening meal as something completly separate from 'tea time' which happens at about 3 - 4pm and involves drinking tea and eating biscuits/cakes.

Not to be confused with coffee time which happens at around 10 - 10.30am at which coffee and biscuits are consumed.

When you work outside every day of the year in all weathers these breaks are a very very important part of the working day and not to be confused with each other Grin

OvaHere · 27/03/2022 23:17

I packed DH and kids off to see his Mum and mostly ate chocolate all day. No cooking or even leaving the sofa required. Grin

Moppincraxy · 27/03/2022 23:20

@ThatsGoingToHurt

I wasn’t taken out for lunch (we all have covid). What has happened the past two years is that DH cooks me a full English. Except I a) when asked I requested a bacon sandwich, b) I do like a full English very occasionally but it’s far from my favourite breakfast (but it’s DHs!) and c) DH uses every single plate/pan/implement and covers everything in grease so the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it afterwards! I then have to point out that if it creates more work for me it’s not a treat!
Why did he assume you would clear it all up afterwards? Or does he just do a half-aesed job of clearing up so you end up doing it properly?
watcherintherye · 27/03/2022 23:34

Got taken out for lovely lunch by dh and available progeny (card and present from absent one). Wasn’t hungry in the evening but had a bag of Tesco’s cheese and onion crisps and managed to heat up for the others the remaining slices of pizza from the Domino’s which they ordered last night while I was out for a meal with friends. So effort-wise it’s been a pretty good weekend Smile

DdraigGoch · 27/03/2022 23:41

What’s the point of Mother’s Day after all?

Wasn't it so that domestic servants could have the day off to visit their mother church? You could tell your family that you likewise will be having a day off.

DdraigGoch · 27/03/2022 23:48

So why didn't you say 'it's Mothers Day can you make us some tea please'?

She shouldn't need to ask. Therefore she should phrase it as if it were already a fait accompli that he would be doing it.

"What were you planning for tea?"

Bobnotpop · 27/03/2022 23:48

I don’t understand this kind of post.

Why wasn’t it established at the beginning of your relationship that domestic chores are shared?

FrecklesMalone · 27/03/2022 23:53

Fuck that. Firstly who needs two big meals in a day? Secondly if we didn't go out we would have got a take away. DH also made a picnic as we went on a big walk and the teenagers made dessert and washed up.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 27/03/2022 23:59

We were too full to eat tea but DH would've cooked.

Talipesmum · 28/03/2022 00:05

My DH got light lunch together then got my youngest to help him make v nice dinner. One of the things that attracted me to him in the first place was that he was capable in the kitchen as well as extremely appreciative of good food. And he shopped for it and washed it all up afterwards with kids. Kids brought up toast and tea this morning. All good. It wasn’t a huge unusual gesture - we just share it out usually anyway. He’s a good one.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 28/03/2022 00:17

Unless they are single parents or have very small children and a co-parent who had to work they didn't "have" to cook supper.

If you don't want to cook on Mother's Day (understandable) tell the family that. They can cook, order takeaway or arrange a meal out. You don't have to cook.

KimikosNightmare · 28/03/2022 01:24

@Bobnotpop

I don’t understand this kind of post.

Why wasn’t it established at the beginning of your relationship that domestic chores are shared?

Well quite. Failing that "Mother's Day" is pretty irrelevant.
IEatChocolateForBreakfast · 28/03/2022 01:32

@PuppyMonkey

The whole point of having lunch out is you don’t bother cooking tea and just have toast or something.

Never heard of this Confused

Went out for a lovely lunch today at my favourite restaurant. It wasn't an obscenely heavy pub lunch or anything. Restaurant is on the fancier side, food was lovely, children very well behaved. Just had a generally lovely and easy going day. I didn't feel hard done by when I cooked my children a nice dinned and made myself a nice salad for dinner after. Sat down once they were both in bed with a coffee in my favourite mug and had a piece of cake in peace. Was a very nice day. And I'm one too usually be disappointed with Mother's Day and birthdays.

bettertocryinamercedes · 28/03/2022 05:28

We didn't really have lunch as we were out all day but had snacks on the go.

Went out for a lovely dinner and dh cooked breakfast for me so I've been well looked after!

StrawberryLollipops · 28/03/2022 09:01

DH goes the other way. After 20 years of DC's he know it's his turn to cook - so he starts planning 3 big meals for the day. And lots of asking me what I would like to eat.
It's a bit performative as well as anxiety probably.

I have learnt to ignore, wave my hands in a non committal fashion and settle down with the remote.

If I engage it means I will get drawn into long discussions about irrelevant things

Fairislefandango · 28/03/2022 09:14

We don't go out on Mother's Day. It's not a big thing for me tbh. My dc gave me a nice card and present. Dh cooked dinner - not because it was Mother's Day, but because he often cooks dinner. Aside from a card and a present, it's always a normal Sunday with my family. I get that if you normally feel taken for granted and drudgery-laden, then it must be a disappointment not to even be allowed that one full day off though.

Traumdeuter · 28/03/2022 09:34

We didn’t go out for lunch as it was too hot and sunny, wanted to be lazy and enjoy the garden all day. Dh cooked dinner, but he does this half the week anyway so it wasn’t a “thing”, & I was doing toddler bath and bedtime whilst he did this.

I am planning to take myself off for a leisurely lunch next weekend Grin

Dionysus78 · 28/03/2022 09:35

I not only didn't get taken out or a meal cooked for me, but also had to go to work, cleaning up after other mothers being treated to fucking spa breaks.

Original poster
happydappy2 · 28/03/2022 09:49

Dionysus78 I hope very soon you have something fun just for you Flowers

OP posts:
PatientlyWaiting21 · 28/03/2022 10:01

We had a family lunch, takeaway at night (my choice), gorgeous bouquet and, my fave chocs. My first Mother’s Day was lovely! They aren’t all unthoughtful.

QuinkWashable · 28/03/2022 10:03

We cooked breakfast together (single parent, two primary kids), sorted ourselves for lunch, then had a curry (which I suppose I could have had the eldest cook, but I didn't mind doing) for dinner..

TBH I don't worry about these things, I just do just enough with the kids that they feel like they've participated, but don't put so much on it that they feel they should be doing more and worry.

dollybird · 28/03/2022 10:34

We had our mums over for dinner on Saturday and DH cooked. I helped with the table and clearing up afterwards. Yesterday was a pretty normal Sunday. I went for an early bike ride, DH prepped the dinner and I cooked it. DS was at his girlfriend's till the afternoon and brought presents home with him. DD got up late, and went to work at 4.30, but I did get a book and card.

ChristinaXYZ · 28/03/2022 16:52

The mother bit in Mothering Sunday refers to your mother church - the church of the parish in which you were born/baptised which you got leave to return to from being in service. This is why it is in lent and the date changes all the time as it follows Easter about. It expanded to mean mother as in a mum because those in service got to go home and see their mums too and I guess maybe picked flowers or took small gifts. It expanded further in our materially obsessed world to mean expensive lunches out, lots of presents, feet up day off, glare at husband and child for not sufficiently acknowledging day etc.

It always was a feast day - Sundays are not part of Lent (there's more than 40 days - count 'em!)

and if you don't want to make tea... Don't. Tell them you're having a sort it yourself evening so they can get their own and open a tin of soup for yourself.

ReadyToMoveIt · 28/03/2022 16:54

DH cooked a roast for our family and also invited my mum. I didn’t cook at all, but then I rarely cook.