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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

"Be Kind"

79 replies

VelvetChairGirl · 18/03/2022 11:37

when you hear or read those words is anyone else instantly reminded of the film Demolition Man?

I just instantly see the scene "be well", "be fucked".
to me no matter how it is used now it instantly gets my back up and I raise my middle finger to it, London Transport have been using it in their advertising for social distancing, if anyone tell me to "be kind" I will do the opposite out of spite now.

is anyone else the same?

OP posts:
xnomore · 18/03/2022 20:57

Someone on here once wrote:
Be fair, set boundaries

Be kind is bs.

BettyFilous · 18/03/2022 21:05

@IcakethereforeIam

It's all over little girls clothing.
And on adult women’s. Hmm
Agrona · 18/03/2022 22:29

An abusive family member had as a password 'benicetome'. We were always told we had to be nice to this person who was a horrid bully.

Rockhopper81 · 18/03/2022 22:39

I see a previous poster has already mentioned my chosen take on 'be kind' - 'you first'.

I just prefer 'don't be a dick' in general, because it applies to everyone and is what we should strive to do, rather than thinking anyone has to constantly 'be kind' and put others first. That's not real life.

MangyInseam · 18/03/2022 23:52

Honestly the problem is that whoever decides what is supposedly kind seems to be an insipid moron.

It reminds me a bit of the song :Imagine". Imagine no one really believes that anything is important or has meaning, and how great that would be. Sure, except for all the injustice, untruths, and destruction that would flourish in the face of passivity like that.

MangyInseam · 18/03/2022 23:57

@Torunette

The word "kind" derives from the same source as 'kin', and to be kind originally meant to treat someone as a family member or relative.

To which I answer: why the hell should anyone treat a stranger as though they were a family member? The notion is ludicrous.

I think this is essentially the same thing as - who is my neighbour - well, everyone, really.

It's about rejecting tribalism which really is toxic in a society if not controlled.

But it's become something else.

Waitwhat23 · 19/03/2022 00:05

I saw this on Twitter earlier - it's 'nice' rather than 'kind' but the sentiment is the same

"Be Kind"
LilyRed · 19/03/2022 00:24

my thoughts? Fuck be Kind , Get Angry!

LostMyLastHatfulOfWords · 19/03/2022 01:00

Beware
Enemy

Know
Invalidate
Neuter
Defy

Nicoise · 19/03/2022 01:30

My life would have workout so much better for me if I had not felt compelled to be kind. Thankfully, I learned from my experiences and taught my daughters "don't take any shit". They're adults now and that advice has worked really well for them. Be kind essentially instructs women to subjugate their needs and wants to the demands of (men) others. My hackles rise whenever I see those words on girls' clothing.

quixote9 · 19/03/2022 06:39

Like a Care Bear with a jackhammer, as Verity Johnson so perfectly described the compulsory goodness drivel.

JustPlainKnackered · 19/03/2022 07:57

Surely it just means 'don't be a dick'. You can add inference to any innocent comment, say it with the right intonation and saying someone is a 'good' person can be a dig.
Why not rail against intention, patriarchy, people being vicious rather than steal a perfectly normal word from those that use it as it is meant. Why can't I tell my boys to be kind without having to disentangle it from others' anger?

Original poster
VelvetChairGirl · 19/03/2022 08:18

Seriously everyone needs to watch Demolition Man, the more I think about it the more "be well" and the way it is used in the film is exactly the same as "be kind". that film was even more Orwellian then I thought, 1984 with a smile and a pat on the head.

OP posts:
Margot78 · 19/03/2022 08:21

I thought the ‘be kind’ message gained popularity after what happened to Caroline Flack. I have always thought of it as a movement against cyber bullying and an encouragement to try and understand a person’s point of view before judging them. I know it’s probably become over used now but I don’t understand a lot of what has been said on this thread. It’s not oppressive to be considerate of others and intolerant of hate, nobody says you have to disregard your own needs. Just be mindful of others and don’t sit back and let bullies win.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2022 08:24

It’s not oppressive to be considerate of others and intolerant of hate, nobody says you have to disregard your own needs.

I'd say 90 times out of a hundred the person telling others to "be kind" is one of the least kind people you will ever come across. That's the problem.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2022 08:25

Why not rail against intention, patriarchy, people being vicious

They are.

JellySaurus · 19/03/2022 08:26

@Margot78

I thought the ‘be kind’ message gained popularity after what happened to Caroline Flack. I have always thought of it as a movement against cyber bullying and an encouragement to try and understand a person’s point of view before judging them. I know it’s probably become over used now but I don’t understand a lot of what has been said on this thread. It’s not oppressive to be considerate of others and intolerant of hate, nobody says you have to disregard your own needs. Just be mindful of others and don’t sit back and let bullies win.
In principle, yes, it is. In actual execution it is only applied one way. Women are expected and urged to Be Kind and move aside for men who want to access their - women's - spaces and services, but men are not urged or expected to Be Kind and consider women's needs and feelings.
Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2022 08:27

"Respect yourself and have healthy boundaries" is a much better message for girls but a bit long for a hashtag.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/03/2022 08:29

If we're going to teach 'be kind' then I think we need to start with some more robust ethics lessons.

This is an excellent point.

MsTSwift · 19/03/2022 08:32

Yes. Am watching Below Deck (forgive me I have covid and feel dreadful) and can’t help but notice the English girls on there are quite wet / people pleasing / be kind types. The US / Aussie/SA girls are not like this. Several of my teen dds friends have a performative “nice” thing going on when they are not particularly nice actually.

Is this a particularly English thing?

Somanysocks · 19/03/2022 08:33

'Be kind, my arse' would be good on a t-shirt.

KittenKong · 19/03/2022 08:44

Or that with a Car Bear waving baseball bat (like the ones that horrible San Fran group sold - what were they called again, the Degenderettes? Wonder what happened to those little rays of sunshine?)

Olderbadger1 · 19/03/2022 08:52

This one is pleasing in an understated way (from Wild Womyn's Workshop)...

"Be Kind"
Margot78 · 19/03/2022 08:55

I think the movement has led to a lot of ‘performative kindness’ on social media, I suppose that was inevitable. I genuinely saw it as an anti bullying message though, I didn’t connect it to the issue of women and their safe spaces. I suppose, like anything, it’s a message that is open to interpretation but I will certainly try to be more aware of instances where there is a gender bias within it, I hadn’t considered that before.

Waitwhat23 · 19/03/2022 09:21

I think it started off as a genuine attempt to get people generally to consider their behaviour on social media and to be aware of the real life person on the other side of a virtual conversation.

Now? It's used as a shorthand for 'shut up women'. Be kind while we take away single sex spaces and sporting events etc or we'll send you rape and death threats.

And pp have mentioned how the 'be kind' is all over clothing and items aimed at girls. Boys get to be brave, or adventurous, or strong. Girls get told to be kind.