"Be Kind"

[VelvetChairGirl]

when you hear or read those words is anyone else instantly reminded of the film Demolition Man?

I just instantly see the scene "be well", "be fucked".
to me no matter how it is used now it instantly gets my back up and I raise my middle finger to it, London Transport have been using it in their advertising for social distancing, if anyone tell me to "be kind" I will do the opposite out of spite now.

is anyone else the same?

I see 'be kind' used a lot in feminist circles. One UN official urged feminists to be kind. In general, it is women who are expected to be kind in ways which do not really mean kindness (which is a good thing in its ordinary meaning), but a willingness to step aside, to get off the races and cheer for others, and to smilingly relinquish rights when demanded. A sort of universal mothering.

Which would be acceptable if all other groups were told to do the same, but I rarely see anyone else told to be kind.

I prefer 'be respectful'... as in consider other people, but you don't have to agree with them.

@neverthenot

Its really not applied to boys and girls equally. Its extremely gendered (as in the social construct). Like those memes of ' You may not have the prettiest face but you can have the kindest heart' . I actually heard an early years teacher take a philosophy for kids class on the topic ' Is it better to be pretty or kind' right after she told me about the great training they had been on about not reinforcing gender stereotypes You don't see 'be kind' marketed so aggressively to boys. Or see 'you are not kind' used to punish adult men for non-compliance, in the way it has been taken up against women, as a way to try to shut us up without engaging with the arguments we present.

Its got really sexist, pernicious undertones.

Is it better to be pretty or kind is like, is it better to be a carrot or buy a mortgage what a meaningless pile of disconnected shit.

Kindness is one of the values of my workplace. On our email sigs, paperwork and on the walls.
I’m constantly challenging it and trying to formulate an alternative.

be kind, I am kind, womenkind

I always go with 'be fair'.

Is not that simple either. I had to step in at primary as my Dd was “be kinded” into supporting a friend with anxiety which was lovely and everything but ended up being to her detriment. I only realised when I helped out on a school trip the extent of what was being expected of her and another girl. They were missing important lessons and fun activities themselves to help this child - all the focus was on the child as her mum was all over it and understand lanky very pushy about her own child. Not a thought to the impact on the helpers - my Dd was missing a lot of maths which she could ill afford. Probably a bitch but I put a stop to it and have been cynical of this “be kind” thing for children ever since.

Being 'kind' can actually be quite complicated. As a slogan its fairly meaningless, because what is 'kind' depends utterly on context.

It can be 'kind' to put down an animal that is suffering and will not recover.

It can be 'kind' to defend someone being bullied.

It can be 'kind' to tell the truth even though it may hurt someone.

It can be 'kind' to say no and allow a child to be upset about that.

If we're going to teach 'be kind' then I think we need to start with some more robust ethics lessons.

Agreed “be kind” is crap and I feel the same.

I am kind, it’s important to be kind. I’ll teach my kids to be kind. But the “be kind” slogan and the way it’s used is obnoxious.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

I prefer 'be respectful'... as in consider other people, but you don't have to agree with them.

I like that.

Since being on here and reading about certain things my immediate reaction to seeing/hearing "be kind" is to think #nothankyou

'Be kind' means 'Espouse my views and let the people I consider worthy or important do and say whatever the hell they like, at your exense'.

I loathe "Be Kind". I was brought up to serve and be a "people pleaser" in a house of boys basically . This led me to stay in several abusive relationships for far too long. Fuck Be Kind. I am teaching my daughter not to put tge needs of boys (and some girls)first and to consider what is best for her . Got to say ,it is a challenge to do this when that bloody drippy mantra is everywhere.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

I just view it as a slightly more savoury way to voice the sentiment 'don't be a dick'. I really isn't anything more profound than that for me.

Be Kind should be a two-way road, but it only ever goes one way.

Don't Be A Dick seems very appropriate, given the preponderance of dicks demanding that women BeKind.

People who either have used the #BeKind hashtag or have their pronouns in their social media profile tend to be the worst online bullies.

@DomesticatedZombie

Being 'kind' can actually be quite complicated. As a slogan its fairly meaningless, because what is 'kind' depends utterly on context.

It can be 'kind' to put down an animal that is suffering and will not recover.

It can be 'kind' to defend someone being bullied.

It can be 'kind' to tell the truth even though it may hurt someone.

It can be 'kind' to say no and allow a child to be upset about that.

If we're going to teach 'be kind' then I think we need to start with some more robust ethics lessons.

This is it for me.

Our school parrots out ‘be kind’ without caveats and I just think it’s so fucking lazy. I often am saying ‘no, be respectful, if it’s deserving.’ If a creepy man is touching their knee, I don’t want them to ‘be kind’, I want them to scream and shout and bite if they need to. If someone is trampling all over their boundaries - I don’t want them to be kind, I want them to be firm, resolute and rage if they need to.

I’ve always been a people pleaser, and I always get that rush of adrenaline when I do stick up for myself - it feels like I’m being unreasonable, I think others think that of women too, when they say no. I don’t want that for my kids.

Teaching ‘be kind’ with no caveats sounds all very nice, but it is not preparing them for life, to speak up for themselves or to have boundaries.

@Comedycook

As someone who was brought up to a pathetic people pleaser...I bloody hate this shit. Luckily I met dh, who taught me to stand up for myself.

I'd like to change "be kind" to "be appropriately polite"

I'm the same, and I would change it to 'be real' people should just say how they feel, if someone isn't kind to me then okay fine, I'm not gonna be your bestie, life goes on. I am kind most of the time, because I usually feel happy and like I want to be kind.. but if someone's pissing me off, I'm not gonna be kind, I'm gonna be real

Be kind -> Woman, doormat thyself.

The word "kind" derives from the same source as 'kin', and to be kind originally meant to treat someone as a family member or relative.

To which I answer: why the hell should anyone treat a stranger as though they were a family member? The notion is ludicrous.

I try to be kind but hate the way it is used these days, as in "be kind to poor men who think they have been born in the wrong body".
I would prefer to be kind to the young women who are having their sports taken away from them, the traumatised women who can't access male-free refuges, the women who have to share space in prison with men, the children who are being lied to and told they can change sex if they don't conform to the gender stereotype, the women who are having their achievements taken from them by men (such as the first woman 4 star admiral in the US), their prizes, their scholarships, their hopes and dreams. :( Sod hashtag Bekind.

I think "wind your neck in" or "stop being a dick" are both better phrases.

@DomesticatedZombie

Being 'kind' can actually be quite complicated. As a slogan its fairly meaningless, because what is 'kind' depends utterly on context.

It can be 'kind' to put down an animal that is suffering and will not recover.

It can be 'kind' to defend someone being bullied.

It can be 'kind' to tell the truth even though it may hurt someone.

It can be 'kind' to say no and allow a child to be upset about that.

If we're going to teach 'be kind' then I think we need to start with some more robust ethics lessons.

This is very good. I'd like to add that the term and the exhortation are often used to suggest that someone (a woman or a girl usually) relinquish their own rights to benefit another person, even one who is better off in terms of overall rights already.

My response is "you first". Or Fuck Off. Depending on who says it.

I remember a meme which "if you can be anything in this world be kind be financially independent and clear about your boundaries."

And that pretty much sums up my feelings on Be Kind.

When I grew up it was "just say no". say no to smoking, say no to drugs, say no to that dodgy man in the park etc

I really annoyed a TRA recently, he called me cis in a reply to something I said don't call me cis I am not cis, he was very insistent I was and getting very angry that I didn't capitulate I told him to be kind and stop labeling people then blocked him.

funny how they dont like their hypocrisy thrown back at them.

"Be kind -> Woman, doormat thyself."
Yup.

*I remember a meme which "if you can be anything in this worldbe kindbe financially independent and clear about your boundaries."
Love this

I don't like 'don't be a dick', either, mostly because it immediately brings to mind the moustachioed man in the Wi Spa who responded to the magnificent rant of Cubana Angel complaining about the man with his penis out in front of women and girls with 'you're being a dick'.