Young women ashamed of their periods.

[MoiraQ]

I'm not quoting the Always advert as I know there is already a thread taking issue with the wording. But wording aside and assuming Always' statistics are correct, what do we do about this?
My DD is currently breaking her heart about Lilets stopping their applicator tampons, she uses a Mooncup at home, but says there is absolutely no way you can be seen washing blood off your hands at school, it would be total social death. Her school toilets are single sex and she's not a young teen either. It's no wonder so many girls struggle with puberty, how can we stop girls being ashamed and from shaming others?
As an aside it's not just young women either.

I think you can get reusable applicators
I like tampax perle as they are similar to lillets

It's awful isn't it. I was only thinking the other day that I need to cop on to myself a little and figure out some things with my own period. I have small kids which means they come in and out of the bathroom with me sometimes. And I've only recently got my period back between pregnancies and breastfeeding etc. And I was thinking I'll have to make sure they don't see my pads, but what's the worst thing in the world that would happen? It doesn't need to be a secret until they hit puberty surely? But my instinct was it should be. When I actually thought about it I was surprised at how backwards I am.

There was a really interesting contributor to an episode of a podcast I listen to called Fortunately. It was a mum saying that she recognised and wanted to raise her children to be unembarrassed and confident around periods and puberty, but that she herself had never actually felt unashamed herself. I can't articulate it as the contributor did but it was fascinating and really struck a chord with me.

I had a brother that was 11 years younger than me and remember sending him, as a toddler, to my bedroom for a 'ladies nappy' as I hadn't taken a sanitary towel to the bathroom with me. He had 2 older sisters so he got used to tampons/pads being about

There's already a thread running in this in the same forum.

Why can’t she use Tampax applicator tampons?? ‘Breaking her heart’ seems dramatic when there are other equally good and very similar products on the market.

As to stopping stigma, it’ll never happen but talking about it with children from a young age in an open matter of fact way helps.

They are stopping single use plastic ones and are offering a reusable one instead

It’s ok for some things to be private - periods are private. It’s not about shame - it’s about giving women a private space for something intensely personal. It used to be called personal modesty.
Unfortunately some people do feel shame or are pushed into that corner when their private space is invaded and personal modesty is attacked. It’s similar to children going from wandering about naked to not wanting their parents to see them without clothes.

I do remember at university a couple of young men who seemed (for the time) unusually open and encouraging of chat around the issue of periods and basically they were using it as a way to get young women to lower their boundaries and their guard, so I think girls should recognise that can happen. I was reminded of it by the thread on here yesterday about the trans activist giving talks in the workplace about being turned on by wearing female underwear.

@Thewindwhispers

Why can’t she use Tampax applicator tampons?? ‘Breaking her heart’ seems dramatic when there are other equally good and very similar products on the market.

As to stopping stigma, it’ll never happen but talking about it with children from a young age in an open matter of fact way helps.

It's been years since I used tampons so they might have changed design, but Tampax and Lilet tampons fit completely differently. Lilets worked fine for me and the applicator ones were easier to use, but Tampax were incredibly uncomfortable and always leaked.

Ordinary tampax expand lengthways but tampax pearl expand width ways like lillets do.

I wasn't so much looking for advice on alternative sanpro, it was just the thing the prompted DD to mention how awful other girls were about periods. But thank you to the people who provided suggestions - Tampax, they just don't work for her and leak dreadfully (Oddly, I have the same issue). I've spent a fortune on alternatives, none just seem to work as well for her. She has very heavy periods and Lilets Super Plus were her saviour (yes, she has seen a doctor).
The reusable applicators have the same problem as rinsing a Mooncup - in fact worse really, as it's not an easy thing to wipe clean and there's no way she would be seen rinsing it under the tap.

Yes, I know theres another thread, but as I mentioned in OP, that thread is about the wording.

I thought DH and I had brought DD up to be open about periods, my own Dad was bloody (no pun intended!) awful about them. But peer pressure seems to prevail.

And I was thinking I'll have to make sure they don't see my pads, but what's the worst thing in the world that would happen?

A 2 year old approaching you with a strip of plasters and a very determined look on his face...... (which was thoughtful really - he saw blood and assumed I needed help)

Almost as bad as the time I told him that I didn't have a penis and he approached me with his finger out peering at me and fully prepared to examine and prove me wrong!

Neither of my boys are phased by it at all. In fact I wish they'd leave the bathroom rather than follow me in talking at me while I sort it all out.

Ive never felt any shame whatsoever about my period, why would you? However I also wouldn't want to be seen rinsing blood off my hands or applicator in the school toilets, or anywhere else for that matter as an adult

As much as it helps to be open and honest about symptoms etc, it's also nice to keep some things private.

And I was thinking I'll have to make sure they don't see my pads, but what's the worst thing in the world that would happen?

My own periods look like a bit of a car crash, so whilst I was always open about sanpro and what it was used for, I was careful about not letting DD see me changing, as I thought it would make her apprehensive about puberty. Not sure if that was the right tack to take or not.

@Thewindwhispers

Why can’t she use Tampax applicator tampons?? ‘Breaking her heart’ seems dramatic when there are other equally good and very similar products on the market.

As to stopping stigma, it’ll never happen but talking about it with children from a young age in an open matter of fact way helps.

Tampax aren't as comfortable as lilets! I find they leak more and hurt, whereas the lilet ones are brilliant.

OP you can buy the applicator for lilets and then just buy the regular tampons from them. The applicator is pricey, but the tampons are cheaper.
https://smile.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09BZTWZCG/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttiBG9TBTN2ZT0TV1TQMN17??encoding=UTF8&psc=1

I think the best thing we can do is work at being unashamed about our periods ourselves and talk about them in a matter of fact way.

I bought my daughter "Girl Up" by Laura Bates when she was a young teen, I think it helps to open their eyes to sexism so that they see this kind of shame for what it is.

Why would you need to hide san pro when your kids reached puberty, @Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov?

I think it's fine to want to keep your periods private @NrlySp, but it is wrong for girls to be shaming other girls so much that it affects their choice of san pro!

I don't understand why anyone would be wiping blood off their hands at the sink after using a non-applicator tampon? I always wiped it off with loo roll before leaving the cubicle (and then washed my hands, obv)

Can she use resusable charcoal pads?

They are able to hold up all day without changing.

However I also wouldn't want to be seen rinsing blood off my hands or applicator in the school toilets, or anywhere else for that matter as an adult hmm

I admit I'm always a bit surprised reading on this board, that women rinsing skirts/underwear in the loos after a mishap is a normal thing, I've never worked anywhere where that would be acceptable. And yes, I wouldn't feel comfortable rinsing bloody hands either, which is really the point of my thread - why do we feel uncomfortable, we shouldn't?

Until quite recently, I worked in a place where a lot of my colleagues were early twenties or late teens. I was quite encouraged to hear one of the young ones quite happily discussing her period in front of me and a 60yo man (who had to try very hard not to look horrified). I remember thinking this was great as clearly he was a bit shocked, I (nearly 40yo) was obviously fine with it, but for some reason would have avoided discussing my own period at work, and then the 20yo who seemed totally open about it. I thought maybe we'd made some progress, but apparently not then.

Can she use resusable charcoal pads?

She hates the feel of pads and period knickers.

We are lucky in my workplace that all the toilets have self contained cubicles with the sinks in the cubicle and a fully fitted door. Makes life easier with a Mooncup, especially now most of the loos have gone unisex.

@MoiraQ

However I also wouldn't want to be seen rinsing blood off my hands or applicator in the school toilets, or anywhere else for that matter as an adult hmm

I admit I'm always a bit surprised reading on this board, that women rinsing skirts/underwear in the loos after a mishap is a normal thing, I've never worked anywhere where that would be acceptable. And yes, I wouldn't feel comfortable rinsing bloody hands either, which is really the point of my thread - why do we feel uncomfortable, we shouldn't?

With regards to rinsing clothes at work, when I flooded through my tampon, pants and trousers at work, I had no alternative but to stand and wash them, then try and dry my trousers using the hand dryer. Not sure what alternative I had. Thank god my work toilets are female only. I wasn't embarrassed in the slightest, but it wasn't my most favourite day at work.

the 20yo who seemed totally open about it. I thought maybe we'd made some progress, but apparently not then.

They do seem to talk about periods with close friends, but not in general. DD also mentioned the thing about putting your tampon up your sleeve if you need to go to the loo in class time, otherwise kids shout things if they see the tampon or pad...wtf? I remember the same when I was at school, some things haven't changed. .