Young women ashamed of their periods.

[MoiraQ]

I'm not quoting the Always advert as I know there is already a thread taking issue with the wording. But wording aside and assuming Always' statistics are correct, what do we do about this?
My DD is currently breaking her heart about Lilets stopping their applicator tampons, she uses a Mooncup at home, but says there is absolutely no way you can be seen washing blood off your hands at school, it would be total social death. Her school toilets are single sex and she's not a young teen either. It's no wonder so many girls struggle with puberty, how can we stop girls being ashamed and from shaming others?
As an aside it's not just young women either.

@TheSmallAssassin I'm saying I shouldn't be hiding them until they reach puberty, but my instinct is to. My bigger immediate thought was what if I need to bring them to the bathroom with me when wearing pads, they're currently 5/3/1 so in a shopping centre we'd all be together. I was worried what will I say because the 5 year old might notice. When I realised what I was thinking I was shocked- i was worried wtf.

@QuinkWashable my eldest was very perplexed at where my wee comes from and used to regularly reassure me my willy just hadn't grown yet. After swimming in the shower cubicle he used to always try have a look 😂😂😂

I used to hide a tampon (non applicator so easy) in either side of my bra (just inside the wire so it couldn't fall out) for school, work and even nights out when I was teen. No need to take my bag to the loos or go to my locker first. Shame though as it was very taboo to even use the word period then for me.

I can understand putting a tampon up your sleeve, I wouldn't carry one across the office or in a restaurant either. Bigger issue is why their uniform hasn't got pockets.

I wonder how much this is an actual issue (of course her worry is an actual and important issue) and more a fear?

Yes, sometimes you get blood on your hands using a mooncup or non-applicator tampon (with my bloodbath on days 1-2 I can get blood on my hands whatever I do), but you wipe it off with toilet paper so you're not going to the sink with dripping paws - a little bit of staining, maybe a bit more obvious around the cuticles if you're unlucky.

Teenagers can be vicious, but are they really looking at people's hands so closely? I would have thought that since everyone coming out of a cubicle would be washing their hands that it would be pretty easy to rinse off any blood without anyone noticing.

I do agree with the more general point that menstrual blood is still a massive taboo.

Sorry, not seen the other thread. But what age do people think is appropriate to talk to children about periods. My young child (6) saw the advert and asked what the red thing was.. I'll admit I was totally unprepared as I'd never seen the advert amd I didn't know what to say. I just said, oooh I don't really know, I'll have to watch it again another time 🥴 I agree talking about it from a young age is good, but what age, kids talk at school and wouldn't want to cause upset to others.
As for the stigma, i don't think it will ever leave. Tampax pearl are good and easy to use, but terrible fir the environment

My children seeing me changing my pads started conversations about how babies are made

Which was NOT what I intended….

Dd has no shame about it

Though she does struggle with very painful periods to the extent that both my boys panicked when my husband and i were out of the house and rang their auntie for help…she lives 2.5 hours away and certainly wasnt about to get in the car for a period

And yes, I wouldn't feel comfortable rinsing bloody hands either, which is really the point of my thread - why do we feel uncomfortable, we shouldn't?

Blood can carry diseases...it's probably a perfectly normal and protective human reaction to feel slightly uncomfortable around blood. Sorry to be crude but people also recoil at faeces...that is also a normal and protective human reaction

I think I explained periods to my boys when they were about 3 maybe? Very young anyway based on rubbish lock and them bursting into the toilet and seeing the blood.

It was just a basic women's bodies prepare in case there's a baby every month by making a comfy bed, if there's not a baby then the bed isn't needed and it comes out as some blood, no it doesn't hurt (mild fib).

@IvyTwines

I do remember at university a couple of young men who seemed (for the time) unusually open and encouraging of chat around the issue of periods and basically they were using it as a way to get young women to lower their boundaries and their guard, so I think girls should recognise that can happen. I was reminded of it by the thread on here yesterday about the trans activist giving talks in the workplace about being turned on by wearing female underwear.

The one that was deleted?

There's an example of an issue that shouldn't be private and is definitely shameful.

@MoiraQ - can she have a small pack of wet wipes in her bag? Wipe her hands before she leaves the loo and washes them?

I wonder how much this is an actual issue (of course her worry is an actual and important issue) and more a fear?

I think part of the issue is behaviour is very poor at her school and girls congregate in the toilets as it's the only place that they can use their phones. So the fear is probably justified.

More than 1 mooncup, and baby wipes to clean the old one off? (at least temporarily until can go home and give a full clean).

I have extremely heavy periods and was told to no longer use my mooncup so I now use the modibodi maxi period pants which work wonders.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

At the moment she is using hand gel and toilet paper.

It's a workaround, not a solution, and doesn't address the issue of women feeling the need to hide the fact they have periods, but could DD have two mooncups? When she changes them, she could put the used one in a plastic bag (like a sealable sandwich bag) and bring it home to wash.

However
a) women should have women only toilets - this should be a given, we shouldn't need to ask for this
b) in this day and age women should not feel that they have to hide periods from other women, let alone men (we all do though, me included).

@NrlySp

It’s ok for some things to be private - periods are private. It’s not about shame - it’s about giving women a private space for something intensely personal. It used to be called personal modesty. Unfortunately some people do feel shame or are pushed into that corner when their private space is invaded and personal modesty is attacked. It’s similar to children going from wandering about naked to not wanting their parents to see them without clothes.

I agree with everything written👏 Some people do feel shame which they absolutely shouldn’t do but I feel like you don’t need to scream about your periods from the rooftop just to show you’re not ashamed about being on your period

I’ve never used a mooncup and don’t know much about it but even as an adult I wouldn’t want to be washing blood off of my hands or something that’s used for periods. In my own home, maybe. Anywhere else, no.

Even when I’m in the workplace I’ll tuck my period pad up my sleeve or have it in my trouser pocket. I’m not ashamed at all but I don’t need everyone knowing I’m on my period lol it’s private to me. I might mention it to a colleague if I’m feeling groggy and they ask what’s wrong but I won’t just walk out of the room with my pad in my hand. That’s just down to personal choice

It’s ok for some things to be private - periods are private. It’s not about shame - it’s about giving women a private space for something intensely personal. It used to be called personal modesty.

Whilst I also don't particularly want to announce to the world that I'm on my period, this thread has made me wonder why I feel like that.

I've no inhibitions about announcing that I'm off to the toilet, or even more explicitly, off for a wee (wouldn't announce a poo in the office, but probably would at home). So why would I not say "I just need to pop out to change my tampon"?

If women didn't have periods, there wouldn't be any babies - it's just another bodily function like blowing your nose.

This is yet another hang up from men finding "women's things" embarrassing, resulting in women then having to hide away, so as not to embarrass the men (which we've now extended to hiding from other women too).

Even when we don’t feel shame, I think we don’t announce it because humans are often visual or imaginative beings. Its just the level of detail that might pop into other people’s heads, and we don’t want to be putting the image there. And other people generally don’t want it either!

I also think there is sense of vulnerability that some women feel as well. I know I do at times. If you have PTSD or anxiety there’s some part of your mind tells you aren’t ready to run from danger, or deal with an emergency. And in that moment you aren’t. Sadly I think with bullying in schools or at home girls learn this feeling from a young age, and you don’t want to advertise that fact that you are temporarily incapacitated to someone who might take advantage. Too many women and girls have felt helpless in those moments. It’s no wonder periods can become things to be dreaded.

Also, and I’m hesitant to write this because it sounds like fodder for trolls, but I hate feeling clumsy and messy when dealing with blood (I have very heavy periods) in cramped often dirty conditions like public or office toilets, with skirts around your armpits or trousers dangling. Hoping the tampon won’t get stuck in its applicator. Hoping there’s enough tissue of a decent type. It’s not exactly dignified sometimes and not how animals would deal with it in nature. Maybe that links in to misplaced shame, if you have a feeling of messiness and incompetence and inadequate tools for the job. And that somehow gets transformed into ‘dirtiness’ and shame, as well as vulnerability. At times when I’ve had light, predictable periods the experience is a breeze in comparison.

It took me years to actually say that I’m not always going to be some BodyForm superwoman and struggle with heavy periods on days out anymore. It’s not enjoyable. I’m better off working with my biology, however annoying, and staying mostly at home for certain days where I can keep a calm dignity! I remember being at school of course where there were no allowances. Horrible and unnatural.