Any gender can come to our work menopause cafe

[EachandEveryone]

Is that right? Im pleased work are acknowledging it as we are a 90% female workforce.mim just wondering why any gender is welcome? Before i drop myself in it is this the norm?🤔

That’s an extremely old fashioned view. Nowadays we recognise that people can’t always leave their non-work-life at the door and that they increasingly need support for things our grandparents would have ”just got on with”.

I suspect it's a clear-eyed view of what employers may actually do. When your income is at stake, I think it unwise to trust to your employer's benevolence. They may say "bring your whole self to work" but that's only for certain people

I need "support" with meno at work about as much as the middle aged men need support with their male pattern baldness and impotence.*

Do large numbers of men end up quitting the workplace every year and abandoning careers they’ve worked hard for because of their male pattern baldness and impotence?

Just because you’re all right, doesn’t mean that there isn’t a problem.

I have yet to have a man turn up at ours, but ido take heed that men live with menopausal women, and them having a place to talk about it is a valid discussion to have.

This may sound a little uncharitable, but if my workplace was doing something to support me though my pretty hideous menopause experience then I'd feel pretty resentful if I ended up supporting some bloke about how to help his wife (because we know these things get taken over by men if they attend and/or women centring the men because isn't it great that they want to be involved). But then that's partly why I'm self-employed and don't have a workplace!

There are other forms of training that workplaces can offer to educate men on the menopause. A peer-to-peer support group is not appropriate for that. If my male manager turned up to such an event, you wouldn’t see me for dust.

I have yet to have a man turn up at ours, but ido take heed that men live with menopausal women, and them having a place to talk about it is a valid discussion to have
(Yes, it may potentially change the dynamic of a meeting, but it could help another woman in the longer term*

So.men aren't coming so clearly dont want it.

The women are probably motnshowing up cos a man might be there.

And all those is acceptable because some fictional woman might be helped but you cant say how?

Why is it somehow all these events which have Neen.opemed up to men at the expense of the aim.of the meeting and actual women,.Well it's always framed that somehow it does us a favour.

I've never seen anything else twisted quite so much in a bid to be spun into a positive as I do with womens roles to act as a support group for men even when it's us that needs support for a bloody change.

If men want to kerb about menopause they can.

Google.it.
Go with your wife to the drs
Talk to.your wife
Ask.your mum.what helped her.

Don't shrug and say " work.will.sort it fir me"

Why do we support such laziness amd entitlement?

Take some responsibility men..Read a book. How else do you think.we find out half this stuff.

Not gate crashing meeting we know we would not be welcome that's for sure

Huckleberries73 Yes, sorry, didn't mean to be personally critical of you, it's great you've set it up. I just think women are often set up to be support humans to men even when it's supposed to be about our issues.

It's not for men to support their wives at home, although that would be a good "side effect" outcome.

There are some very simple things that could happen at workplaces to make menopausal women's lives a little easier, in the same way reasonable adjustments are made for other things like pregnancy or a broken leg. Why wouldn't we want to help make women's working lives a little easier?

The office i have been allocated at work has a non-opening window (some security issue) and it bugs me because sometimes i really need to cool down NOW and opening a window is useful. if i could ask to be moved, as a reasonable adjustment due to menopause i would find that really useful, rather than just sounding a bit whiny.

Small things can make a huge difference and i don't know why anyone would be against it. Even if you, personally, don't want to go to the menopause café, other women (and men) might find it useful and helpful for others as well as themselves.

Hmmmm, I'm in two minds about this. Nothing available when I was going through the menopause, but if there had been, I'm not sure I would have attended unless I knew it was going to be an all-woman group ie sex, not gender.

There is a power & safety in single-sex women's groups.

But perhaps younger women haven't experienced this, as they didn't go through versions of the 1970s CR (consciousness raising) groups, or other types of clearly (and sometimes pretty assertively) all/only women groups.

But I can also see that men, living and working with women of menopause age, also need to know what happens, and what adjustments they need to make.

Although, I didn't realise that the 18 months of a sort of low-level panic and tendency to get very angry about trivial stuff was probably due to a dramatic hormone drop - I had a period as normal, and then - nothing. Very few physical symptoms, but the mental health stuff was confusing. However, I put it down to a very busy high-stress job, overwork, and workload.

Our organisation has 65% of the workforce being women between 40 and 65. Menopause issues are well known even if not spoken about. Being able to talk about it has meant a more comfortable temperature in the building, different uniforms, ability to change working hours or take short notice leave if struggling due to lack of sleep. Many of these women have intense caring responsibilities of dependent children, grandchildren and/or elderly parents and understanding their circumstances means more support for them. Nobody is forced into it, but it’s there to help if they need it.

As has been mentioned above, Menopause Cafe is a registered charity who have trademarked the name and have a specific mission which is to provide people of all ages and genders with a place to meet and discuss menopause. It's not a support group, they don't have guest speakers or promote treatments, it is simply a place for discussion of menopause amongst the attendees. It was never the intention of the founder that it should be a single sex space.

Why can't men take the initiative to look it up and find out for themselves ? Why is it everything set up to help women or support women or be for women , has to double up as some learning experience for men who are too lazy or too special to close the pornhub tab Google it.

Omg I couldn’t agree more.

Look, I have my peri moments, absolutely, but there’s no way it really benefits women to have an inevitable part of their lives dissected at work, and official “adjustments” made. It just adds to the whole idea of women over 40 as being bumbling foggy headed nitwits.
The best and most equal place I ever worked was that way because everyone was really different- there were 60 year old men, young lesbians, teenage boys, different backgrounds and skills but everyone was quite open with each other and colleagues automatically made allowances for each other’s differences, it was just part of what made up the team. In that job we received the obligatory “equality training” and the crew basically said afterwards that all it did was draw attention to our differences and make them somehow negative.
Women need to be open about hot flushes and be able to say to a younger colleague “ hey, can I open a window I’m getting a bit hot here” and it just be normal. I don’t think official work sanctions “ awareness raising” does this. It’s all so mealy mouthed and victimy. We are women over 40, with a world of life experience, teenage kids, at the height of our powers fgs. Do we really need permission to be honest about normal biological processes ( when we need to be). I genuinely can’t understand anyone giving a shit what men think about it anyway!
I am going thru it all quite early, so people don’t expect me to be having symptoms, but in the office the other day I told my male 23 year old colleague I was going outside for. minute as a hot flush had wooshed over me. He didn’t bat an eye, why would he, his mum is probably having similar.
Again, this is not me dismissing the effects of meno, it can be shit, it’s just, these “cafes” and trying to educate men and ask for permission for adjustments just seems so… I don’t know… humiliating? I’m not ashamed and I don’t need permission to deal with it how i see fit.

I think it's a tricky balance. A lot of it does seem a bit virtue signally and "where can we include trans people?" There was some sort of official guide, possibly ACAS that said that menopause affects everyone. Not directly it doesn't.

Why can't men take the initiative to look it up and find out for themselves ? Why is it everything set up to help women or support women or be for women , has to double up as some learning experience for men who are too lazy or too special to close the pornhub tab Google it.

Because it is better to speak to people? I can look up what's going on in the Ukraine on Google but how do i know which reports are accurate? Some women have no problem talking about menopause with men, and that is a good thing, surely?

I think it would be best to have some sessions which are more educational and some which are more peer support based.

I have no problem talking to men about menopause or childbirth or periods or anything at all. I just don’t want my employer involved.