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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

So... it is now ok to be sexually assaulted at a works party ....

54 replies

EastYorksLass · 08/02/2022 10:39

I am so upset and angry. Someone close to me was sexually assaulted at the works Christmas party in front of witnesses. The man also assaulted other women and did the same at the previous event. My sister went to the police - the assault is on CCTV and they have a witness and the person has admitted it.
So now the police contacted her to say the man is sorry, embarrassed and does she really want to go to court because it is 'at the very lowest end of sexual assault'. Oh, and looks like he is going back to work too.
So - now we have to feel sorry for the man who is embarrassed and it is ok to be 'groped' at a Christmas works party. What is the point of the police. Feel so so angry I might explode and just so helpless.

OP posts:
VivX · 08/02/2022 12:05

WTF. F* the man's reputation. And I'm willing to bet that the incident at the works Christmas party was far from the first time he's done that.

MaChienEstUnDick · 08/02/2022 12:09

While I agree this is a fucking disaster, it doesn't follow that he will be allowed back into work. If the police investigation is finished, there should now be a HR investigation and the bar for gross misconduct should be lower than the completely arbitary bar your lazy ass no good misogynistic police force has set for criminal behaviour.

So she needs to pick herself up and phone HR.

I'm so sorry. I really am. But she might not have to change jobs if she can find a bit more strength to keep fighting.

GaladrielHiggins · 08/02/2022 12:10

Years ago at a work’s Christmas party a very drunk guy exposed himself to me and some friends, and later got his tackle out again and tried to hit a girl on the bum with it. I didn’t officially complain to HR because I had no idea who he was, and I’m not sure she did either but I did mention it in passing to the secretary of the head guy and that was enough to kick off an investigation and he was sacked.

If someone at your work party physically assaulted you then your work really need to address it.

Catabogus · 08/02/2022 12:10

Is there any (remote) possibility that what they meant was it would be unlikely to succeed in a prosecution? So it might not be worth putting herself through the ordeal of taking it further? Probably not, sadly, but possible…?

Crystalvas · 08/02/2022 12:11

@RoseslnTheHospital

A man's reputation and employment is more important than all of the women he's assaulted. And he isn't sorry, he's only sorry he's been reported to the police.
Yes absolutly. Low level or not sexual assault is assault. The more this type of behaviour is tolerated the more people will get away with it.
HermioneWeasley · 08/02/2022 12:12

Fuck the police and fuck any HR team that lets him get away with it. If he worked in my company, his feet wouldn’t touch the fucking floor.

SamphiretheStickerist · 08/02/2022 12:15

the assault is on CCTV and they have a witness and the person has admitted it. Then your DSis needs to SHOUT "YES FUCKING CHARGE HIM

Surely hers is the ONE case that is a slam fucking dunk for even the laziest, misogynistic police force anywhere. CCTV footage, a witness and a bloody confession. FFS!

I hope her Union make her employer see sense!

IntermittentParps · 08/02/2022 12:17

@iklboo

Her answer should be yes she does want to go ahead & tell HR she will be seeking legal advice about letting him back to work.
This. Get lawyered up.
VelvetChairGirl · 08/02/2022 13:05

the man needs the sack, someone got raped at a christmas party at my old work years ago.

is that what it takes for people to care?

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 08/02/2022 13:07

@VelvetChairGirl

the man needs the sack, someone got raped at a christmas party at my old work years ago.

is that what it takes for people to care?

Sadly, I think we know that a number of people who would sooner concentrate on the behaviour of the person at the heart of the attack than being shocked at the attacker or caring about the nature of the attack.
CanIPleaseHaveOne · 08/02/2022 13:07

@Theunamedcat

Tell her to ask them to put that in writing
Excellent
Crystalvas · 08/02/2022 13:58

A guy did this on a xmas night that my DH company held. The guy was sacked. He assaulted a few ladies. The lads got together and threw him out of tge party. The police were informed and his girlfriend kicked him out.

Original poster
EastYorksLass · 08/02/2022 13:59

It is shockingly common isn't it. I am hoping the police do proceed and, if not, HR will get rid of him otherwise there really is not justice for women at all. I understand why women do not report shit like this now. So sorry to anyone who has been through this

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 08/02/2022 14:41

It's worth rattling as many cages as possible. MP, PCC, IOPC etc.

Torunette · 09/02/2022 12:21

She needs to complain either to the police force's complaints department directly or via the IOPC under the grounds of discrimination based on the protected characteristic of sex under the Equalities Act.

She needs to say that she does not believe the police would not have encouraged her to drop the case had she been a male victim of public sexual assault from another male.

The complaint may not be upheld, but it will register and make the complaint statistics.

The more women do this, the more it will help to break that notion in police heads that men sexually assaulting women is somehow "different".

Barbarantia · 09/02/2022 15:07

Stickers. That's all I have to say.

RedToothBrush · 09/02/2022 16:56

@Theunamedcat

Tell her to ask them to put that in writing
This. 100% this.

Its bullying and intimidation. If she left she'll have a good case for constructive dismissal btw.

LlamaLucy · 09/02/2022 17:06

Tell them yes please, I would like to pursue it.

And is there an HR department? Seek legal advice, as the employer should be doing more to protect its female staff especially as there are witnesses and cctv.

If the victim quit, she may deserve a pay out for constructive dismissal, she is being forced to quit her job in order to stay safe.

DomesticatedZombie · 09/02/2022 17:20

@Theunamedcat

Tell her to ask them to put that in writing
Yes.
formalineadeline · 09/02/2022 17:26

Put in a complaint about the police.

The police are shit and you should not assume they are on your side. They don't do support.

Use their system against them. A complaint does that.

In our legal system a victim is treated as a witness rather than a party to the case. Which is one of many many many reasons why our system fails victims.

formalineadeline · 09/02/2022 17:30

@SamphiretheStickerist

the assault is on CCTV and they have a witness and the person has admitted it. Then your DSis needs to SHOUT "YES FUCKING CHARGE HIM

Surely hers is the ONE case that is a slam fucking dunk for even the laziest, misogynistic police force anywhere. CCTV footage, a witness and a bloody confession. FFS!

I hope her Union make her employer see sense!

No, because we have an adversarial system. So the defence don't have to prove anything, just sling mud and spin a story a jury can choose to believe.

A jury might acquit based on believing "she asked for it".

There's no such thing as a slam dunk sexual assault case in a victim blaming society with an adversarial jury trial system.

Oblomov22 · 09/02/2022 17:32

She should tell police yes she wishes to continue with the case.
And she should also make a formal complaint with HR.

formalineadeline · 09/02/2022 17:33

I don't really understand why there's a "now" in the thread title. It's not like the police's response to sexual assaults was better in the past or we have ever had a time where things weren't shit.

Look at the Big Dan's gang rape case in 1983. It encapsulates everything wrong with our systems and societies.

FOJN · 09/02/2022 17:38

Are you prepared to name the police force she reported the assault too. I appreciate it won't add to the discussion but I'm interested in whether it's a police force with form for treating women badly.

SamphiretheStickerist · 09/02/2022 17:42

@formalineadeline that was kind of my point - made in an angry, incoherent manner.

If a case with witnesses, CCTV and a confession isn't good enough for the police, then yes, there is a likelihood that even if they do go to court the jury will be sold some weird "She was wearing a thong" defence and he would be exonerated.

In no other kind of case would this happen.

CCTV evidence shows it DID happen - guilty
A witness confirms everything - guilty
He freely confessd - guilty

Sexual assualt or rape? Oh, no no no! There must be something else, we can't ruin his life, she must have asked for it, no CCTV or witness can tell us what he was feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling at the time - not guilty.