I don’t fit in anymore

[Slowwormwiggle]

Everyday I feel I have less in common with my female peers. I am in my mid 40s I have always worked in the charity sector. I care about social justice and volunteer in my community. I am no saint but a sense of duty was drummed into me at an early age due to a religious upbringing. I am no longer religious but believe in being a good neighbour and trying to help others.

I have many wonderful and kind friends. I would say we all consider ourselves feminists and care a lot about women’s rights. However I am finding their version of feminism so hard to understand. They are obsessed with supporting issues like young people identifying as non binary or trans. I have two young daughters and am horrified by the social contagion that could influence my daughters to think there was something wrong with their bodies.

At the same time they are outraged by any violence against women (rightly so) but they see no safeguarding risks with the compromises girls are expected to take to accommodate trans girls. I don’t understanding why they can’t see the link? Why is suddenly ok for a girl to see a penis in the changing room?

I have also worked for a long time with women from traditional religious backgrounds. I know they feel more and more pushed out by the way these issues are developing. The irony is my friends would be horrified if these women faced racism however they don’t see how the issues around trans women make life even harder for these women. These women will just shrink from public life even more if they are under pressure to compromise their beliefs.

I am starting to think that a lot of the activist issues are really just luxury views held my women that are not affected by them. My friends are women with secure work and homes . There is very little they have to fight for.

We are all left leaning but there is so much they see as important that I don’t. I want to stop domestic violence and poverty, not obsess about trans rights.

I am a total coward. When we talk about this stuff I say nothing or just try and change the subject. It make me feel lonely and wonder if I am the misguided bigot?? They would definitely think I am awful for questioning any of these issues.

(I mean in current uk law - obviously religion is behind harmful policies in some parts of the world, but we don’t tend to see that as a good thing, at least lefty liberals don’t. So lefty liberals need to understand that GI is also belief-based)

I am starting to think that a lot of the activist issues are really just luxury views held my women that are not affected by them. My friends are women with secure work and homes . There is very little they have to fight for

I think you have hit the nail on the head here. Their activism is part of their social identity. Its inward looking not outward looking. Their social identity is being progressive and they see GI as part of that. These people are not really activists - activists challenge the status quo and question the norm and how it affects those most marginalised or vulnerable. Your colleagues are not doing that. They are just reinforcing the mainstream, and doing ' safe, mainstream' activism.

I work in the charity sector too. My colleagues do know my views. I led a whole work session on it (was relevant to our work and how we conducted it). It was well received. People said it made them consider things they had not considered before. Our practice was changed as a result.

We need to start speaking out. People need to see that the people they like hold these reasonable views that we can articulate clearly.

You have also very clearly outlined the cognitive dissonance in these people's views.

@supporteveryone

I think it's because most feminists (aside from mnetter feminists and a few people on twitter 🙄) believe there is room to support women, trans people, non binary people, disabled people, black people and anyone else in need of support. Most feminists do not think that supporting trans women takes away from women but rather it unites us together. If you recall in the 70's black women were ostracised from supporting womens rights for fear they would damage the fight. We now look on that behaviour in disgust. I predict in 30/40 years time we will do the same to women who do not support trans women for fear it will take away from them. It's good that your daughters look beyond what's taught in their family and will hopefully be more inclusive for it.

Black people, gay people, trans people, disabled people, women, and many more groups of people are treated as second class people in society with white middle class men as always at the top of the hierarchy. Imagine if we all stood together how strong we would be. But instead you prefer to be an insular group that fights other disadvantaged groups. You think you are standing up for yourselves but actually your just feeding into the hands of the men who have the power. Like puppets on a string.

The problem is this. You spout these words but cannot define or justify your terms.

If you are a feminist you have to have a clear definition of what a woman is. You cannot advocate meaningfully for a group you cannot define.

If you want to include people who are male in spaces where women are vulnerable, physically or emotionally, you have to be able to provide clear reasons and evidence why these males pose the same risk to woman as women do. You have to be able to evidence that no male predators will be amongst those men. Because you are not a feminist if your policies and practices increase risk and harm to women.

But your side never present this evidence, or definitions, or conceptual or theoretical coherence.

You just spout the meaningless rhetoric you have here.

You think you are standing up for yourselves but actually your just feeding into the hands of the men who have the power. Like puppets on a string And I know your side love to spout this, but its crap isn't it? How happy do you think male sex offenders are to know that they now have a loophole they can use to enter women's spaces with impunity? More than impunity - any challenge to them is now intolerable as the questioner will be ostracised, by women like you, as transphobic. How can you with any credibility claim that your ideology is not facilitating abusive men? How can you seriously claim that our stance is enabling these men?

Trans rights is a religious ideology.

I work in the charity sector too. My colleagues do know my views. I led a whole work session on it (was relevant to our work and how we conducted it). It was well received. People said it made them consider things they had not considered before. Our practice was changed as a result.

This is really encouraging and good to hear.