Pronouns at work

[WinterAsh]

Hi all

I'm in HR and usually sit in on our equality and diversity committee. I missed the last meeting and we've just had a message to everyone on our work slack from the head of the committee saying that to show awareness we should add our pronouns onto our slack names and we should then share the message (to add pronouns) with colleagues.

I really don't want to. What would you do? I don't want to offend this person (they are trans) but I'm not comfortable adding my pronouns. Trans rights etc are within my remit in HR so I need to tread carefully here.

Thanks

It should be optional and not mandatory. Forcing this could unfairly ‘out’ certain people. Perhaps you could suggest the optional approach as a middle ground?

Yes, that sounds very sensible. It's going to be obvious when I then don't change mine though!

You're not ready to share pronouns because you're in solidarity with those trans people who aren't ready to announce their pronouns. It's traumatiising to force people to come out when they're not ready.

Either that or just say no you can't force me, I don't subscribe to that ideology. Whichever works best in your situation.

You shouldn't be forced to do this. I agree, some people might not want others to know their pronouns (because their identity and personal life is nobody else's damn business) .

Yogyakarta principle breach. It forces peopw to out themselves before they are ready

..... Why don't you ask everyone to also add their religion and ethnicity to their email signature?

Or that sharing pronouns is not a neutral action. People will read all sorts of different things into it whereas not having pronouns makes no statement either way. Why do you need to make a statement when you're just trying to give someone at work your name and phone number?

It infringes freedom of belief - it demands all people demonstrate compliance with a partisan political belief. It pressures people to lie and pretend to beliefs that they may not hold and makes the workplace hostile to them.

It pressures people to identify themselves in ways they may not choose to.

It can have a particularly negative impact on women, since the bias against females is heavy in the workplace.

It is a pointless virtue signalling exercise, which actually covers up the significance and purpose of a TQ+ person actually needing others to be aware of their transition. Rather like straight people taking over Pride.

Really you might as well add star signs.

But we live in the days of the stasi and I would not blame you for lying and playing along while inwardly fuming and hoping the Resistance turn up soon, because God knows many of us are having to do so.

I don’t like the argument that it could force people to ‘out’ themselves or that it is difficult for people with English as a second language or with learning difficulties. Maybe choose some of the points made by Kathleen Scott in Material Girls.

Women are disadvantaged at work because of their sex and to bring further attention to their sex using pronouns risks increasing this disadvantage.

The majority of people do not identify with gender expectations and stereotypes and many women feel constrained and oppressed by them. While trans people feel it is important for them to declare their pronouns, many women feel oppressed and constrained by being compelled to declare theirs.

(Those are my words.. not Scott’s.. she is a better writer!)

It is not transphobic not to declare your own pronouns. It would be transphobic to prevent a trans person from doing so or to refuse to use preferred pronouns that did not align with sex… make it perfectly clear that you are suggesting neither of these things.

I like those points @ChateauMargaux. I'm not going to go along with it and add mine.

Why would it be transphobic to not use pronouns?

Phobia means an irrational fear or hatred .

No one owns the words you use. They don't own your eyes and ears.

Its not transphobic to refuse to abandon meanings of words.

It is abusive to gaslight someone though. Make them.pretend they don't see what they see.

People have to consent to sharing personal data, and pronouns are sensitive personal data as they align to someone's sex and/or gender identity, so they have to be treated even more carefully. There's no way of making it mandatory without risking a data privacy issue.

Advice from Sex Matters.

sex-matters.org/posts/updates/pronouns/

Just don't. Most people hate it and quietly ignore such requests.

While you support and stand by anyone who wishes to state their pronouns, there are people who just as equally do not want to, and will object to feeling compelled or coerced into using them. The entirety of your HR committee suddenly using pronouns may feel like pressure on other employees to use theirs.

I think make the argument for optional and then don't add yours. If questioned you can simply refer back to the optional argument and know that you are modelling the non-mandatory nature of the request for those who don't want to. You are representing the whole organisation and not just your trans colleagues (although they should be represented too). There will be people in your workplace who don't to do this. Both approaches need support.

Out of interest @chateaumargaux why don't you like those arguments? I appreciate they can deflect the argument somewhat but personally I found (when raising the same issue at my work) they were useful

A) because the more and varied issues you can raise against something the better as hopefully at least one will stick

B) they can be less adversarial and might mean more people listen rather than immediately dismissing you as a terf

C) in context like an hr meeting I think it's useful to remind people that they have an obligation to support all staff, including vulnerable groups (like those who have English as an additional language, those who are struggling with their gender identity etc.) Not just those who are out and proud and shout the loudest.

“I prefer not to declare my protected characteristics at work. I’m happy for people to use whatever pronouns they feel are appropriate for me” is my prepared stock answer if this ever comes up!

Apply they/them to everyone then there are no winners or losers. Your sex is plain to see, no one really gives a damn about what gender you identify as.
Maybe point this out to your woke HR. I can’t believe that companies spend time and money stressing over this issue.

Gender discrimination is not a legal construct whereas sex discrimination is and has been since 1974. I think companies need to remind themselves of this.

I agree with @thevassal. That sounds sensible and balanced and will resonate much better in the context of HR discussions.

I've asked my equally sceptical manager if I can put my star sign and my favourite football club in my email signature if they start forcing this shit on us.

I work for a social justice organisation so pronouns are rife. One of our non binary colleagues requested we introduce ourselves with pronouns at the start of meetings to which another gender fluid member of staff replied she/they found it very distressing to be asked to choose one pronoun. Awkward.

The fact that you feel uncomfortable refusing to do it is exactly why they shouldn't be asking you or anyone to do it.

I like the point that not doing so will make those who don't want to do so more comfortable. Having everyone do it will seem coercive.