Help needed to unpick this

[tantastica]

First time posting on this board, hoping others who have thought about this issue can help me unpick my own thoughts please.

Long post to avoid drip feeding, please bear with me.

My DD is in Reception and frequently talks about wanting to be a boy. She insists we call her by boy names, use "he" instead of "she".

She refuses things she associates as being "girls" clothes and will only wear clothes she thinks are "boys". We give her whichever clothes she wants, ditto short haircut, we have never tried to force dresses/pink/glitter on her.

Recently DD's teacher asked to meet us, the teacher says DD has said "some people have penises and some don't" and that the teacher felt the conversation was going in the direction that some people have one body but feel like they're something else.

Teacher wants to check what we're discussing with DD about gender (I think before she continues the conversation with DD).

I am glad the teacher is asking us but am feeling upset and stressed about the idea that someone could teach my DD that you can feel like you're different from your body. I would much prefer to keep explaining to my DD that she is a girl, has girls genitals, and that being a girl is a brilliant thing to be. I also want to keep teaching her that she can like whatever clothes, toys, activities she likes but she doesn't have to be a boy to do so.

I'm not sure what to say to the teacher. Are there any articles etc to help parents think through these issues?

I'd ask her "what does she think being a boy means" "why does she think life would be different as a boy?"

Maybe she just needs some reassurance that there are no boy clothes or girl clothes, she can wear what she wants, play whatever games she wants.

By chance does her older brother say to her "you can't play this game with me because you are a girl" type of thing, not that it's a major issue and your son means no malice, my older brother used to do this to me all the time. Kids will be kids.

I would just say what you want to say about the difference and that being a girl is just fine.

I'd not use different pronouns, even at her request, it just confuses things.

FWIW I was convinced at that age I was in fact a boy and argued the point with my mother on many occasions. Her approach was to let me wear what I wanted 90% of the time, and tell me that I just had to put up with the other 10%, and to maintain I was a girl. But mostly she didn't try and argue the point which I think was a good approach, because that wasn't the level of my thinking.

I just grew out of it after a few years.