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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Billie Eilish speaks out on the effect of viewing porn at 11 years old

59 replies

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 15/12/2021 08:06

extract

“I started watching porn when I was like 11,” she told Stern. “I was an advocate and I thought I was one of the guys and would talk about it and think I was really cool for not having a problem with it and not seeing why it was ‘bad,’ you know?”

(continues)

“I think it really destroyed my brain, and I feel incredibly devastated that I was exposed to so much porn. I think that I had sleep paralysis and almost night terrors and nightmares because of it. I think that’s how they started because I would watch abusive BDSM and that’s what I thought was attractive. It got to a point where I couldn’t watch anything else—unless it was violent, I didn’t think it was attractive.”

Like so many of her peers, Eilish’s understanding of sex and her first sexual experiences were heavily influenced by porn. She says that she couldn’t speak up about not wanting to do certain things because she felt pressure to perform.

“I was a virgin, I had never done anything, and so it led to problems where the first few times I had sex,”she explained, “I was not saying no to things that were not good. It’s because I thought that was what I was supposed to be attracted to.”

Before moving on to discussing her dating life, Eilish talked more about the unrealistic and unattainable standards porn influences in our culture.

“I am so angry that porn is so loved and I’m so angry at myself for thinking it was okay. The way that vaginas look in porn is f—ing crazy, no vaginas look like that, women’s bodies don’t look like that, we don’t [orgasm] like that, and we don’t f—ing enjoy things that are what it looks like people are enjoying.”

You can read more and watch the interview here:

fightthenewdrug.org/billie-eilish-watching-porn-at-11-she-shares-impacts-it-had-on-her

OP posts:
spotcheck · 15/12/2021 08:07

11.... Gosh 😟😟

ArabellaScott · 15/12/2021 09:09

Horrific to read. I really feel for her. Front page BBC today.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-59658663

AnyFucker · 15/12/2021 09:13

Thank you speaking up Billie. Our younger generation need to start turning away from porn. Make it socially unacceptable.

Reading this made me start to feel a tiny bit less hopeless.. If someone like Billie, that youngsters look up to, are speaking of it’s harms more power to them.

Crazykatie · 15/12/2021 09:21

Porn is not a good introduction to relationships, just like social media age restrictions should be put in place, with technology like finger prints and face recognition it could be done easily. Tech companies don’t want to do that because it reduces the money they make, only with legislation can that be achieved.

MedusasBadHairDay · 15/12/2021 09:24

@AnyFucker

Thank you speaking up Billie. Our younger generation need to start turning away from porn. Make it socially unacceptable.

Reading this made me start to feel a tiny bit less hopeless.. If someone like Billie, that youngsters look up to, are speaking of it’s harms more power to them.

It's good, I hope it has some impact
thinkingaboutLangCleg · 15/12/2021 09:27

Wow, well done for speaking out, Billie. That really is brave and impressive. Violent porn is yet another misogynistic curse young women have to contend with these days. Yet another spawn of queer theory.

PaleGreenGhost · 15/12/2021 09:30

Wow I was surprised to read this.

Not surprised at Billie's experience. I think it's common. It affected my generation too but we had at least had some chance of a natural exploration of sexuality before the Internet happened.

I'm surprised to see a mainstream star speak out against porn. I didn't think that was especially PC. I will be interested to see if she is punished in any way.

ArabellaScott · 15/12/2021 09:43

I think the change in porn is something that needs to be discussed as well. When I was growing up and up until relatively recently porn was different. I was, tbh, a little bit dismissive of some of the anti-porn arguments because I hadn't realised that contemporary porn is a very different beast from the stuff we saw as teenagers.

More recent changes have been utterly shocking and it needs discussed.

Laceoff · 15/12/2021 09:50

I was so pleased to see this - I hope it gets shared widely. I've sent it to my 17yr old DS. It's not a very fashionable position to take these days so will be interesting to see how the bigmouths on Twitter react or if they'll ignore.

Whatthechicken · 15/12/2021 09:52

That’s a lot to unpick and reflect on for a 20 year old. I hope more young people speak out.

This interview has been covered in loads of publications - some of the comments on SM from young men and women show there is a long way to go.

Datun · 15/12/2021 09:57

Good for her.

AlwaysTawnyOwl · 15/12/2021 10:00

It’s wonderful to see Billie speak up about this. And she is absolutely right. Violent abusive porn normalizes the idea that this is part of a healthy sexual relationship. It’s devastating that young people, boys in particular, think this is how women should be treated. And the murderer of Sarah Everard was addicted to violent porn.

Rainallnight · 15/12/2021 10:15

She sounded in that interview as though she was blaming herself for having done so but I want to know where her parents were? What on Earth was happening there?

Scraggythang · 15/12/2021 10:52

That’s very brave of her to lay it all out like that. She shows a great amount of insight and understanding for a 20 year old.

PurgatoryOfPotholes · 15/12/2021 10:58

AlwaysTawnyOwl

And the murderer of Sarah Everard was addicted to violent porn.

This is something that keeps coming up.

The man who murdered Jane Longhurst, a 31yo teacher, in 2003 was addicted to violent porn including sites that focused on necrophilia.

extract

The family of murdered Brighton teacher Jane Longhurst have met Home Secretary David Blunkett to urge the closure of violent internet porn sites.

Musician Graham Coutts, 35, was jailed for life in January for strangling the 31-year-old after visiting such sites.

He admitted to having a seven-year addiction to online violent pornography.

After the trial, Miss Longhurst's mother, Liz, said political pressure was needed to close down the websites.

She said she believed Coutts' addiction was a factor in her daughter's death.

"It is definitely the case if Graham Coutts had not had the internet...I expect my daughter would be alive today," she said.

Jane's sister and mother did successfully get the law changed to illegalise possession of the level of material Coutts was accessing, but the law is simply not used.

extract

Argus Achievement Award winner Liz Longhurst, who fought alongside former Brighton Kemptown MP David Lepper for the law – part of the 2008 Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill – to be implemented, spoke on the tenth anniversary of her daughter Jane’s death.

“As far as I am aware it has only been used on a handful of occasions.”

“I am very disappointed, for example, that the judge in the Joanna Yeates’ trial [the murdered Bristol woman] did not tell the jury that the killer had viewed extreme porn until after he was convicted.

“Why was it that he only saw fit to tell them this then – when he had already been convicted? [bold mine]

“However, I am very glad there is such a law, even if I am disappointed it is not used as often as it could be.”

From: www.theargus.co.uk/news/10294764.mother-of-murdered-jane-longhurst-disappointed-in-law-changes-ten-years-after-her-death/

More recently, the serial killer Stephen Port who killed four men and sexually assaulted others was obsessed with pornography showing men being drugged and raped.

The inquests would also hear that, at that time, formal advice from homicide officers to check a laptop and phone belonging to Port was ignored. Had they been sent for forensic analysis Port's obsession with drugging and raping young men would have been uncovered.

When they were eventually analysed the following year - after a request from a coroner - they showed that Port had persistently watched "drug rape" pornography. Even then, a detective failed to even look at the relevant sections of the forensic report. By then, police had closed their investigation.

From: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-59576717

OP posts:
Gastonia · 15/12/2021 12:12

I'm really impressed that she spoke out. She's so young still. I note that she says her DM was horrified when she found out. I have a DD of a similar age. I was an older mum, and the internet was all so new when DC were small. I certainly didn't know enough about internet controls, and I'm sure they knew more than me about how to circumvent them.

Luckily, all seems to have turned out ok so far. However, I remember a few years ago, a friend being horrified that her DD was shown porn on someone's smartphone on the school bus!

Beamur · 15/12/2021 12:14

I'm really encouraged to see someone with her profile speaking out like this. It's brave and insightful. Being exposed to this at 11 is painful to read though. Poor kid. So harmful to have your developing sexuality brutalised by porn.

littlbrowndog · 15/12/2021 12:14

So glad she spoke out.

It’s a good thing to do.

The harm it does to children and adults

LumosSolem · 15/12/2021 12:27

She has been fantastic in speaking out like this, she is so, so spot on.

It's very sad to read her earlier experiences but from what she is saying, it sounds like she has developed so much maturity, knowledge and experience to now view things the way she does. Fantastic for teens to see someone as young as Billie say this stuff.

Good on her and I really hope she is in a better and healthier place with all this stuff now- and that she realises she shouldn't be angry with herself!

Zandathepanda · 15/12/2021 12:40

Really glad she spoke about this but I wish people would realise the difference between vaginas and vulvas. When I was a biology teacher yonks ago I had to do all the sex ed lessons so I put a slide on the overhead projector of drawings (photos were deemed too graphic I suppose) of lots of different normal vulvas. Cue - erwww grossss etc from the teenage pupils. After all the ‘protests’, I made sure they knew these were all normal and natural and that if someone was talking about seeing a vagina they they were in a medical exam or something was very wrong. Basic biology needs to be taught properly and pupils need to listen.

Zandathepanda · 15/12/2021 12:42

..just to add these were Yr10s

spotcheck · 15/12/2021 23:14

I'm not on twitter, but I am curious about the backlash.

Can anyone who has twitter post links if there are any?
☺️

SwumMum · 15/12/2021 23:21

This was so hard to read, and bear in mind that she's still barely out of her teens.

I dread this for mine.

ScrollingLeaves · 16/12/2021 00:40

How brave of her.
It is enormously important because other teens would listen to her where they wouldn’t to parents or teachers.

TonyThreePies · 16/12/2021 00:50

I saw this on a SM post today. Lots of laughing emojis. I think there are a lot of guys enjoying the fact that Billie watched porn without giving a shit about what she felt about it.